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Children of the African Continent to Santa Claus: “All we want for Christmas is some DDT”
The Vitamin Press ^ | 12/17/2010 | Kip Hooker

Posted on 12/17/2010 6:26:20 PM PST by TheVitaminPress

Africa- All across the mother continent this month there has been a hush. A deep reverence. And finally a heartfelt, but quite plea. From the mouths of babes and this land’s most diminutive inhabitants have come the whispers, the pronouncement, the improbable imploring pleas. They have lifted up with one voice. Given utterance with one hope. And laid their request with one intention. That for Christmas this year – when the jolly old man in red is bringing new Wii’s and bicycles and easy bake ovens to good little children the world over- they would as well be remembered. That when Santa Claus was crossing the globe in his lightening quick, dream powered sled he would remember these poor ones and bring with him the Christmas gift of DDT.

As Abina Akiiki explained it: “When I told my children that there was once a time when one million people did not die every year from malaria they did not believe me. They wanted to know; how was this possible? I told them there was once a miracle cure called the DDT. It killed all the mosquitoes. It stopped malaria from spreading and killing their aunts and uncles, cousins and brothers and sisters. They wanted to know why there was no longer DDT. I didn’t know what to tell them. How could I say that because some rich white liberal woman thought her birds were more important than our lives so many of our friends have to die? I just turned my head and cried.”

In the following days Akiiki meditated on the problem for long hours. From the periphery of his old childhood memories he seemed to recall a very small something. He couldn’t quite place the memory, but he knew it carried the possibly of saving his family, village, country and continent.

“And then suddenly I remembered the stories my grandmother would tell me in my childhood. Stories of a kind old man who lived in the North Pole and brought presents to all of the good little boys and girls all across the world. And I believed in him so much and when i was eight years old he brought me a new Stretch Odinga . . . that is how I knew he was real.”

So Akiiki started his campaign. He walked all across the continent. He told everybody that would listen about Santa Claus and DDT. Within a few months a movement had been born and it grew. Now that network is millions of people strong. And at least a million letters have been sent to the North Pole. Today we lend our voices to that cause.

Santa (and it is likely that he has seen this article as a careful study of our analytics has shown that the jolly fat man is a regular reader of The Vitamin Press) please bring these kids some DDT for Christmas.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: parody; sarcasm; satire
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1 posted on 12/17/2010 6:26:25 PM PST by TheVitaminPress
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To: TheVitaminPress
From The Vitamin Press

2 posted on 12/17/2010 6:28:36 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: TheVitaminPress

Sorry kids... Here in the liberal West, we like birds more than we like you little ni... um... I mean... you people.


3 posted on 12/17/2010 6:31:43 PM PST by Redcloak (What's your zombie plan?)
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To: Redcloak

It is funny just how much misery is caused by liberal compassion.


4 posted on 12/17/2010 6:34:06 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: Redcloak
My friends and I used to ride behind the trucks that fogged the neighborhoods with DDT in the 50's.

We would ride In the DDT mist!

Good thing I'm not a bird.

5 posted on 12/17/2010 6:34:24 PM PST by sonofagun (Some think my cynicism grows with age. I like to think of it as wisdom!)
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To: sonofagun

I seem to remember reading somewhere, I think it was a Coulter book, that DDT had been safe enough to use on extremely weakened survivors of the holocaust. And that scientist opponents to the -proposed- American ban would ingest it to demonstrate how benign it was to humans.


6 posted on 12/17/2010 6:39:50 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: TheVitaminPress

Stinking Rachel Carson and her stinking book “Silent Spring” killed millions and millions.


7 posted on 12/17/2010 6:44:36 PM PST by The Cajun
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To: The Cajun

Yeah, and for some strange reason they leave that out of the history books.


8 posted on 12/17/2010 6:47:46 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: TheVitaminPress

Yup one of the great crimes of our oh so enlightened liberals, but hey they do so love to kill defenceless people, whether the unborn or children in Africa, especially those ‘undesirable races’ that eugenicists are so fond of wiping out.

Having suffered from Malaria twice as a kid growing up in Africa, it ain’t fun, every joint hurts, your head throbs, you throw up all the time and the unlucky ones die.


9 posted on 12/17/2010 6:48:20 PM PST by battousai (Conservatives are racist? YES, I hate stupid white liberals.)
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To: TheVitaminPress
And, besting Adolph Hitler, Ho Chi Minh, and Pol Pot, the award for "World's Best Genocide of Children" goes toooooo..........Rachel Carson.
10 posted on 12/17/2010 6:48:48 PM PST by Navy Patriot (Sarah and the Conservatives will rock your world.)
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To: TheVitaminPress

Killing of all the insects can have worse side effects. In Borneo they had an outbreak of typhoid & plague. Plague could devestate Africa a lot worse than malaria.

The DDT issue isn’t simple.


11 posted on 12/17/2010 6:49:14 PM PST by Christian Engineer Mass (Leftys who zone in on Palin miss the point. America's not about single figures. That's for NK/Cuba.)
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To: battousai

Excellent point about the eugenics movement. I forgot about that. I am glad to hear you survived your bouts with malaria!


12 posted on 12/17/2010 6:50:37 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: Navy Patriot

LOL. Unfortunately there is a lot of truth to your statement.


13 posted on 12/17/2010 6:52:14 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: TheVitaminPress
Was watching some program within a month or two ago, can't remember which channel, probably Discovery or History, and they were still praising her and the book.
Needless to say, the remote was reached for very quickly.
14 posted on 12/17/2010 6:53:20 PM PST by The Cajun
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To: Navy Patriot

when i was eight years old he brought me a new Stretch Odinga . . . that is how I knew he was real


?

Well, Africa, China’s looking to re-colonize you, and they’ll bring DTTT with them.


15 posted on 12/17/2010 6:54:18 PM PST by txhurl
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To: TheVitaminPress

www.3billionandcounting.com

Everything you need to know.


16 posted on 12/17/2010 6:55:45 PM PST by Mama Shawna
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To: The Cajun

I enjoy The History Channel very much. But it is absolutely frustrating how they refuse to challenge so many of the sacred cows.


17 posted on 12/17/2010 6:57:16 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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To: TheVitaminPress
I am glad to hear you survived your bouts with malaria!

Thanks, yeah in the towns we had access to private clinics and decent doctors so one could get treatment fairly quickly, I believe quinine was the drug of choice back then, even now I guess too.
18 posted on 12/17/2010 6:58:07 PM PST by battousai (Conservatives are racist? YES, I hate stupid white liberals.)
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To: The Cajun
Stinking Rachel Carson and her stinking book “Silent Spring” killed millions and millions.

Yes, there was widespread death and misery - but on the lighter brighter side, liberals everywhere got to feel superior and smug.

19 posted on 12/17/2010 7:01:07 PM PST by GOPJ (Sharpton wants Limbaugh off the air- if you don't hate liberals yet, you're not paying attention.)
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To: GOPJ

ROFLMAO


20 posted on 12/17/2010 7:01:54 PM PST by TheVitaminPress (as goes the Second Amendment . . . so goes the Constitution.)
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