Skip to comments.The Legend of Lord Obaama, Or, King Merde-Ass
Posted on 03/20/2011 9:37:42 PM PDT by grey_whiskers
The Legend of Lord Obaama
Obaama was, according to legend, a Lord in the Land of the Far West. Although his parentage and birth were suspect, he yet remained desirous of power and prestige. Being suave, clean-spoken, and glib of speech, particularly when speaking with the aid of his personal Oracle, he ascended quickly through the ranks of the People's Party. Following a lofty speech before a gathering of the Party, he saw it in his power to aspire to the highest office in the land, held by the evil king, στιβεύς. (*)
But not all was smooth. In order to make his victory sure, Obaama gave sacrifice to the Lord of the Sith, the Black (Schwartz) Györgon. He was advised to engage in treachery and flattery towards the other members of his Party, among whom was the loathsome Harpy, Clintanaeo.
With the advice of the Györgon, Obaama was able to win the hearts of the citizenry, defeating both the Harpy, and his rival from the hated Pachydermals, the Lost Admiral and his assistant, the Arctic Siren.
But as he was reaching out his hand for the scepter, the wicked Harpy, Clintaeno, moved by rage and jealousy, pronounced this fearsome curse upon him:
"As thou hast stolen from me the scepter for which I longed, the power for which I suffered for eight years and longer, I too call upon all the gods to curse thine efforts. "And this shall be the tale of thy suffering: that as thou has cheated me, so too shall thy calls of Hope and Change be in vain. Try as thou wilt, all that thy hand moves to do, shall be accounted as thy predecessor, or turn to shit in the sight of all."
And behold! It came to pass, even as the fearsome Harpy had declared. Despite his efforts, the wars in the far kingdoms of Assyria and Babylon continued, even as they had under his predecessor, στιβεύς. King Obaama had also called for the prisoners-of-war to be released from the secret prison of the South; but he soon saw that this was not to bee. What is worse, even though interal intrigue had unearthed spies of King στιβεύς during his reign, this was nothing compared to the spies who published the diplomatic missives between Obaama's own couriers, undermining his stature as the True Savior of the World.
On the home front, King Obaama's troubles also came apace. It was found that the bankers had committed massive fraud, so that many merchants were no longer able to pay their workers. Indeed, even after borrowing heavily and putting the Royal Treasury heavily in debt to the barbarians across the Eastern Ocean, many businesses had dismissed their workers altogether, and these workers lay about, demanding bread and circuses at even more expense. There were natural calamities, from massive eruptions in the shallow waters off the Southern shores, to calamitous shaking of the earth and great waves drowning entire cities of his allies. Even his favorite pastime of solitaire keritizein failed to lift his spirits.
Alas! Poor King Obaama! It had become true. Everything he touched turned to merde.
In desperation, he turned again to the Györgon. But the words of the Sith Lord were not Sooth. Upon hearing King Obaama's supplications, he relented, yet not without conditions. These were the words spoken unto the King:
"Verily, thou has disgraced the hands of evil, for thou hast alerted the ὄρχι-ς βάπτισμα (**) to our plans; yet, verily, as thou art a member of the People's Party, and have been faithful, I release you from your spell. Henceforth, no longer shall it be that all thou touchest shall turn to shit; but in penance, and in token of thy failures, thou shalt be transformed, and be given large ears, like unto those of a Donkey, or Ass, as befits the symbol of our Party."
And thus it is that King Obaama earned the title of King Merde-Ass: for truly as even the Becks and Rushes have cried out, King Obaama has Ass's Ears, and all he Touched has turned to Merde.
...can anyone with a real knowledge of Ancient Greek (doesn't have to be Attic, unless that is appropriate) correct me?
Emperor Zero’s theme song...
Also dickhead, f#@$head...I’m enjoying this...
Well done! Thou bringth great cheere. King Merde-Ass is sooooo much more apt than Apollo but hark what news of the hallucinato oracle Queen Pythia whom some call Queen Pythieus Viperieus MichelinX?
I’d drop the Greek entirely, it distracts from an otherwise excellent story.
Had this up from last night - forgot to post my thanks - a brilliant parody!
LoL! I almost missed this one. That was great. :)
So solitaire field hockey ~ golf.
Ballet dancers know that.
It is used instead of “break a leg” for good luck before a performance.