Posted on 05/04/2012 8:36:03 AM PDT by Reaganite Republican
*** PING ***
It has properties that do two things:
1 - It drains your checking account
2 - It reduces your wife's libido to nothing.
It's called wedding cake.
Very funny...Oh! I’m sorry.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for >10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave underarms and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a bedspread.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your hair (with bar soap).
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Find the remote – ITS GAME TIME!
Wedding ring = viscious circle.
If I’d have shot mine when I first wanted to, I’d have been out by now.
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing..' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
A five putt! ...who the hell five putts?
Take my wife, please...I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps on finding her way back.
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Because they don't have to live with other women.
You look great...what'd you do, go on a diet?
Yup...lost 150lbs..I got a divorce.
Q: Why are Jewish divorces so expensive?
A: They're worth it!
I've been in love with the same woman for 50 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Bay — that’s disgusting.
It’s also describes my husband, exactly.
I try ...I really do.
It appears you’ve met my husband.
No imaginable factor in the world could possibly convince me to marry anyone again. The smartest thing I ever did was leave my lying, non-bathing, probably gay “husband”.
...and here I thought I was the only one getting the morning “woo-woo” treatment....
That is not how it really works, you know.
Wife does her thing in the shower, while I take a nap in the back of the tub. It helps that she is cute, even when I am half asleep.
And we save water.
LOL.
>>The smartest thing I ever did was leave my lying, non-bathing, probably gay “husband”.<<
Once shook my ex awake.
“Why did you do that?”
“I wanted to make sure you were breathing. Didn’t think anything could smell that bad and still live”
Ah, happy memories /S
As George Wallace (the black comedian, not the governor) once said;
“I love my wife to death but the b!tch won’t die”
If you find out, let me know.
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