Kerry Says Obama Administration “Most Transparent and Accountable in History”

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 May 2014 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

In a lightly publicized press conference, Secretary of State John Kerry told members of the Mexican media that “I believe President Obama will go down in history as the president who has held himself and his administration accountable to the highest standards of transparency and accountability.”

While GOP critics of the Administration have repeatedly battled to try to obtain documents relating to the numerous scandals—Fast and Furious, NSA spying, IRS mistreatment of conservative groups, the Benghazi massacre, and “death-by-delay” at Veterans Administration hospitals—Kerry insisted that “the fact that people are aware of these events proves the Administration has not suppressed all information.”

“Given the vast amount of power at his disposal, the President could easily eliminate or intimidate all inquiries into the Government's private affairs,” Kerry argued. “There are armed men standing by ready to pay a visit to anyone who displeases him. And there is no limit to the funds available for persuading witnesses to forget or manufacture whatever testimony he deems is in the nation's best interest.”

“Yet, there's been no 'night of the long knives,' no Stalin-like arrest of political opponents,” Kerry pointed out. “Senator Cruz still rants against the President. Rush Limbaugh still fills the airwaves with his criticisms. No one's gone to jail. No one's mysteriously disappeared. What more proof does anyone need?”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/156238-2014-05-23-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-may-25-2014.htm

[Chode]

not counting Breitbart and a few other deaths, well, no...

spot on as always

[skinkinthegrass]

a razor edge is too wide; micron thin, john.
micron thin..the edge between satire/reality.

[lonestar]

I know Kerry is stupid, but...is he really that stupid?

[righttackle44]

Col. Potter is the expert on this: MULE COOKIES!

[chiefqc]

Does ANYONE believe ANYTHING that the mac daddy administration saye or does?

If you held up five fingers and counted the truths that the mac daddy administration said or did you would still have five fingers left.

[fatnotlazy]

Thanks again John for the ping. So close to reality.

[Hieronymus]

Stevie Wonder would not disagree.

[realcleanguy]

Is this satire? I mean, how could someone say that?

[Busko]

Like superman looking through lead. What an assclown Kerry is.

[publius911]

Kerry Says Obama Administration “Most Transparent and Accountable in History”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Well!
That certainly puts every word this closet alcoholic doofus has ever uttered in proper perspective!

[Slings and Arrows]

John, if I might make a suggestion, when you publish your satires could you please include a link to the story that you are parodying? It can hard to tell where reality ends and satire begins. (That’s a compliment.)

[SkyDancer]

Don’t know whether to gag or laugh out loud.

[huldah1776]

It is so unprofessional to use sarcasm in a political statement.

[TBP]

Yeah, they’re transparent — we can see right through them.

[Seaplaner]

John, another fine/scary/and often significantly factual article.

Keep up the important work!

.

[rawcatslyentist]

>" No one's mysteriously disappeared. "

Why we even have Fuddy's death on video. That proves it! We all know it's always the video's fault!

[DuncanWaring]

Exactly what I was going to say.

[Shimmer1]

John, have you ever thought of just printing a news story, a true one, as satire, since the two are intertwined now. It occurred to me and I wondered if it had occurred to you. Now THAT would be funny