Posted on 01/24/2005 10:19:53 AM PST by add925
Blueneck jokes (as opposed to redneck jokes) are a vast, untapped natural resource. Don't expect Hollywood jokesters to pick up on this anytime soon.
You might be a Blueneck if........
Your idea of a really making a difference involves cardboard signs & slogans. Your wardrobe has at least 12 multicolor button-down shirts or blouses. You have as much w(h)ine as Jaques Cherac. You think Fidel is simply misunderstood. You actually use the term significant other in a sentence. The Village People look like the folks at your last cocktail party. You actually use the term cocktail party in a sentence. You get nervous being more than 75 miles from the ocean or large river. You say how do people live like that at least once a week. Your biggest fear is walking into or being seen in a Tavern. Walmart represents the biggest threat to your area. You have to use a pass-key just to get into your neighborhood or building. Friends and family are equally important to you. Mardi Gras costumes dont seem outrageous at all. You have more rocks on your fingers than in your head. You have more rings on your body than on your fingers. College Professors actually seem interesting to you. Your surroundings are defined as Zen. An art gallery tour takes you more than 12.5 minutes. Your Spiritual Advisor has a crystal ball. You think there may actually be a need for tinfoil headwear. Vallet is a necessity, not a treat. How you are perceived is far more important than what you perceive of others. Somebody else actually physically touches your money. Your idea of fashion is what someone else of prominence thinks of it first. Your answering service is not a machine but a person. You get slightly nervous simply changing planes in the Midwest. You often use the term Global (anything) at least once a day. Youve often thought of, but never have quite use the term Little People.
You build a ski resort on 6,000 pristine acres at the base of 12,000 ft. Mount Timpanogos in the north fork of Provo Canyon.
Then you become the spokesman for "save the ecology."
Robert Redford should change his name to Robert Blueneck!
Here's a couple:
You might be a blue neck if:
You try to deduct your contribution to Moveon.org on your taxes.
You think OTHER people should pay more in taxes.
You might be a Blueneck if - -
You think Starbucks lattes are a necessity of life.
A ten-thousand dollar designer dress sounds logical to you, or perhaps even on the "cheap" side.
You finally decide, like Hillary to consider washroom attendants as actually "human beings".
You consider people who live with only one bathroom in their house as "underprivileged".
You are getting really excited about Donald Trump's upcoming wedding. . or
Perhaps even are wishing YOU were the bride . . and
You are a man . . .
Here's another
You might be a Blueneck if:
You think that giving the death penalty to a serial killer is cruel and unusual, but have no problem with 13 year old girls getting abortions without parental notification.
One more:
You might be a blueneck if you think that all republicans are racist sexist bigot homophobes, but Robert Byrd is a distinquished senator.
You might be a blue-neck if you hate Rush Limbaugh without ever having heard him.
"You are getting really excited about Donald Trump's upcoming wedding. . or
Perhaps even are wishing YOU were the bride . . and
You are a man . . ."
Not THAT was damn funny!
You might be a blueneck if you don't get redneck jokes
You ONLY use washrooms that have attendants.
You might be a blueneck if you are cursing the use of fossil fuels the snow blowers are using to clear your streets.
Why,... that's what the illegal workforce is for!!
You might be a blueneck if you hope like hell Blueneck jokes don't catch on....
You might be a blueneck if, when you get right down to it, you think Clarence Thomas and Condi Rice are just a couple of stupid colored people.
....You think Art Bell IS a news source.
If you are shocked at the conduct of the Iraq war, but supported Clinton's bombing civilian targets in Yugoslavia, you could be a blueneck.
If you are opposed to any restraint on pornography as being an infringement on freedom of expression, and support the removal of Christianity and the Bible from the public arena, you might be a blueneck.
If you feel that the Patriot Act and the Department of Homeland Security are unprecedented threats to the Constitution, yet are all for expanding the powers of Child Protective Services to break up families on the basis of anonymous, unsubstantiated reports, you could be a blueneck.
If you believe there is no reason for civilians to own firearms, yet you use your political influence to get a pistol license in your anti-Second Amendment state, you may just be a blueneck.
If you favor ever harsher measures to restrict cigarette smoking, yet your humidor is filled with expensive cigars, or, alternatively, you use "recreational drugs," you might just be a blueneck.
If you support homosexual partners adopting children, yet want Christian families thoroughly investigated before they do so, face it, you are a blueneck.
You might be a Blueneck if:
You fear the pajama-clad rebels.
You think people with screen names like sangha, sangh0, iverglas, nothingshocksmeanymore, skinner, elad, and mopaul actually make sense.
You and your roomates live in what others would call a "drug den".
You extoll the virtue of being poor, yet live off your parents credit cards.
You hate SUVs, yet drive the one your parents gave you when they sent you off to freshmen year at Columbia.
You think Radiohead, Moby, and PDiddy are deep thinkers.
You think Micheal Moore tells the truth.
It seems sangha (aka sangh0) went and got herself "tombstoned".
She's still a blueneck (of the most virulent sort), however.
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