Posted on 01/24/2005 10:19:53 AM PST by add925
Blueneck jokes (as opposed to redneck jokes) are a vast, untapped natural resource. Don't expect Hollywood jokesters to pick up on this anytime soon.
You might be a Blueneck if........
Your idea of a really making a difference involves cardboard signs & slogans. Your wardrobe has at least 12 multicolor button-down shirts or blouses. You have as much w(h)ine as Jaques Cherac. You think Fidel is simply misunderstood. You actually use the term “significant other” in a sentence. The Village People look like the folks at your last cocktail party. You actually use the term “cocktail party” in a sentence. You get nervous being more than 75 miles from the ocean or large river. You say “how do people live like that” at least once a week. Your biggest fear is walking into or being seen in a “Tavern”. Walmart represents the biggest threat to your area. You have to use a pass-key just to get into your neighborhood or building. Friends and family are equally important to you. Mardi Gras costumes don’t seem outrageous at all. You have more rocks on your fingers than in your head. You have more rings on your body than on your fingers. College Professors actually seem interesting to you. Your surroundings are defined as “Zen”. An art gallery tour takes you more than 12.5 minutes. Your Spiritual Advisor has a crystal ball. You think there may actually be a need for tinfoil headwear. Vallet is a necessity, not a treat. How you are perceived is far more important than what you perceive of others. Somebody else actually physically touches your money. Your idea of fashion is what someone else of prominence thinks of it first. Your answering service is not a machine but a person. You get slightly nervous simply changing planes in the Midwest. You often use the term “Global” (anything) at least once a day. You’ve often thought of, but never have quite use the term “Little People”.
Great stuff Gingersnap! Bluenecks are a goldmine!
But it's almost TOO easy, you know?
You might be a redneck if you still think Foxworthy's insulting act is humorous.
The new stuff is even easier....
You might be a Blueneck if you think Foxnews is biased and CBS is fair & balanced.
..Taxes are what others must pay for the greater good.
..People with wealth outside your social circles are crooks.
..Right and wrong are "relative terms" to you.
..You think "Morality" is a relative term.
..You think you're not cool without a circle of gay friends.
..Druidism has added some value to your everyday life.
Yur idea of a really making a difference involves cardboard signs & slogans.
Your wardrobe has at least 12 multicolor button-down shirts or blouses.
You have as much w(h)ine as Jaques Cherac.
You think Fidel is simply misunderstood.
You actually use the term “significant other” in a sentence.
The Village People look like the folks at your last cocktail party.
You actually use the term “cocktail party” in a sentence.
You get nervous being more than 75 miles from the ocean or large river.
You say “how do people live like that” at least once a week.
Your biggest fear is walking into or being seen in a “Tavern”.
Walmart represents the biggest threat to your area.
You have to use a pass-key just to get into your neighborhood or building.
Friends and family are equally important to you.
Mardi Gras costumes don’t seem outrageous at all.
You have more rocks on your fingers than in your head.
You have more rings on your body than on your fingers.
College Professors actually seem interesting to you.
Your surroundings are defined as “Zen”.
An art gallery tour takes you more than 12.5 minutes.
Your Spiritual Advisor has a crystal ball.
You think there may actually be a need for tinfoil headwear.
Vallet is a necessity, not a treat.
How you are perceived is far more important than what you perceive of others.
Somebody else actually physically touches your money.
Your idea of fashion is what someone else of prominence thinks of it first.
Your answering service is not a machine but a person.
You get slightly nervous simply changing planes in the Midwest.
You often use the term “Global” (anything) at least once a day.
You’ve often thought of, but never have quite use the term “Little People”.
Yep...that got me to post this little thread!
If you've never, actually, studied the United States Constitution, but you know for certain that it contains the words: "the separation of church and state".
You believe the 2nd. Amendment to the Bill of Rights is to insure that the federal government can't take your states National Guard and police weapons from them. (and besides, you're scared of what you might do with a gun if you had one. Self control is certainly a "Blue" issue).
You think that if the National Endowment of the Arts doesn't give you, or your drug addled son, a grant of taxpayers money to photograph religious icons in sewage, that your 1st. Amendment rights are being denied.
You believe in "Collective Rights" and the possibility of the "Living Dead".
You might be a Blue~Neck if:
You ride a Seg-Way down your driveway to enter an awaiting limo.
You think nothing of the Fossil Fuels polluting the atmosphere as you leave the limo and enter an empty Gates LearJet to fly to the Hamptons for the weekend.
You look down at all those huge square pathes of green corn and beige grain and wonder what they are.
You have a Banker who's a Jew. A Landscaper who's Mexican. A Guatamalan Housekeeper. A Salvadoran Nanny. Your hairdresser is a Trans~sexual. Your Fitness Instructor is a Bull Dyke. Your Lawyer is Chicano. And you think yourself "In Touch With Diversity".
You firmly believe that throwing more money at the Education System will teach your six year old how to properly spell "Cat".
Jack.
You decry the environmental burden of gas-guzzlers while riding around in your SUV, which is registered in your son's name (not yours, of course). [This was one of Kerry's tricks.]
"Yep...that got me to post this little thread!"
Yeah, sorry ad925 - my post was directed at anyone who finds those tired redneck jokes funny, which based on your post here AIN'T YOU!
You might be a Blueneck if...
You think a "roid" is an itching or painful mass of dilated veins in swollen @#$@ tissue...
But.....over-educated, spoiled brats are!
You might be a Blueneck if the term "Acid Rain" is still in your vocabulary.
1. You think Jon Stewart is a genius.
2. You go out of your way to use the phrase "African American," but call the cops when you see one walking in your neighborhood.
3. You are in Pottery Barn or Williams Sonoma more than twice a month.
4. You actually enjoy traveling to France.
5. You think "France and Germany" constitute "world opinion."
Bluenecks don't go to Taverns, they go to "Lounges."
You say: "It's wrong to be judgemental."
You support Darwin's survival of the fittest but don't think any species should become extinct.
you think "Comic Genius" means making lots of money while slamming conservatives.
You make more money with your mouth than you do with your hands. (er ah, lets say talking vs building something)
Yeah....p-r-i-v-a-t-e club lounges, riff-raff need not apply.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.