Oh no you didn't ...
Posted on 12/29/2007 7:46:21 AM PST by fanfan
TORONTO -- So you think your husband's a little too adept at playing the colonic calliope? Wish your sleep wasn't interrupted by a fusillade of flatulence?
Well, if you think you've taken up residence in Beantown but he insists his output is normal, you can both take heart that debates like yours are raging all over.
You both should know this as well: Whether it takes the form of stealth bombers or noisy bottom burps, flatulence is a normal byproduct of the human body. Everybody farts, multiple times throughout the day and night.
But the whens and the hows can turn a basic bodily function into an inconvenient, unpleasant or downright embarrassing occurrence. And that leads some people to question what is normal and whether there is any way to turn down the tap, as it were, on the frequency, noise or odour quotients.
The fact of the matter is that while humankind has learned how to split the atom, manipulate genes and travel to the moon, it doesn't know all that much about how to reduce the production of natural gas. Click here to find out more!
"I know a lot about gas," says Dr. Michael Levitt, the American gastroenterologist who has unravelled much of what is known about human flatulence.
Levitt is a veritable gas guru, a leading expert on the underappreciated field of flatus -- intestinal gas that escapes via the southern route.
Levitt has gone to extraordinary lengths to explore the mysteries of flatulence. He has captured farts in specially made Mylar pantaloons, measured the cocktail of gases they contain, even conducted a study devised to get to the bottom of what might be the most contentious question in the field: Which gender emits the smelliest farts?
So what have he and others learned about the fine art of flatulating?
It's a pretty common occurrence. Studies in which volunteers tracked their gas passage suggest people fart 10 to 20 times a day, with some hitting the 30, 40, even 50 mark, says Levitt, who is with the VA Medical Center in Minneapolis, Minn.
An Australian study that followed a group of men and women for a couple of months concluded men let rip on average 10 times a day, while women lag with eight emissions.
But producing less gas might create another problem for women -- and the people around them. Levitt's research suggests women's flatulence is more ... aromatic.
The study was the first ever attempt to provide an objective evaluation of the odour of flatus, Levitt explains. Volunteer judges, blinded to the identity of the generating gender, were asked to rank the potency of the end product.
Volunteer producers -- primed by a diet of pinto beans -- farted into aluminum bags via a rectal tube. Syringes full of gas were withdrawn from the bags and wafted by the nostrils of the unfortunate judges.
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TOOTING 101:
Factoids about farting:
- Blue angels: Only certain people have bacteria in the gastric systems that produce methane, Dr. Levitt says. And only methane-producers can perform the time-honoured frat house trick of igniting a blue flame when they hold a match to an escaping fart.
- Musical toots: In the 1800s Frenchman Joseph Pujol apparently became so adept at controlling his flatulence flow he could sound musical notes. Called "le Petomane" -- the fartiste -- he was reputedly the highest paid performer in France at his prime.
- Colonic explosions: In the early days of colonoscopies, attempts to burn off polyps in the colon ignited explosive hydrogen gas in the colon of several unlucky people, sometimes with tragic results. The colon-cleansing preparations people now take the night before a colonoscopy have solved the problem. Says Levitt: "Until they used these prep solutions, there was a problem with explosions."
LOL. We had a little terrier that we had shamed so much about farting. She would quietly get up and sneak out of the room with her little ears slicked back and a shamed look on her face, before anyone could exclaim her name.
Not as bad as my sister’s M-I-L. She had a little dog that would sit under the dining table waiting for scraps to be passed to her when they were gathered for meals at the M-I-L’s house. Sister said the M-I-L kept a box of kitchen matches near her plate to strike when the little dog broke wind. You can imagine how my sister looked forward to their infrequent meals at her M-I-L’s house. lol.
This may explain why Mel Brooks’ character in Blazing Saddles was named Gov. LaPetomaine. For 33 years now I figured it was a takeoff on Ptomaine food poisoning!
There is a good reason the MAN’s bathroom in this house is AKA the toxic waste dump zone.
I got pinged to this thread by someone....and I want to know why.
I dunno.
Are you a tard?
;-)
Here's one back atcha, Jurassic Fart.
Dang it - all the job listing said was "participate in a scientific study." Nothing about getting a tube shoved up my pooper or sniffing somebody's pinto bean flatulence. I gotta have a talk with my career counselor.
That is what "participate in a scientific study" means.
Ping to posts 61 & 68.
LOL
Somewhat interesting, I suppose, but, come on, what kind of guy devotes his life to human flatulence?
I read yesterday that Aetna has decided not to cover the common drug that makes colonoscopies comfortable for the patient. This is actually a lifesaving drug, since people are now much more willing to go have a colonoscopy—unless they have Aetna. Added to Aetna’s willingness to cover any abortion for any reason, this would make Aetna the thinking person’s last choice.
There was a young lady from Sparta
Who was known as a champion Farta.
From the cheeks of her a$$
Came Bach’s B Minor Mass
And selections from La Traviata.
So few, and far between.
LOL Thanks, I needed that!
Joseph Pujol was born in Marseille. He was one of five children of François (a stonemason and sculptor) and Rose Pujol. Soon after he left school he had a strange experience while swimming in the sea. He put his head under the water and held his breath, whereupon he felt an icy cold penetrating his rear. He ran ashore in fright and was amazed to see water pouring from his anus. A doctor assured him that there was nothing to worry about.
When he joined the army he told his fellow soldiers about his special ability, and repeated it for their amusement, sucking up water from a pan into his rectum and then projecting it through his anus up to several yards. He then found that he could suck in air as well. Although a baker by profession, Pujol would entertain his customers by imitating musical instruments, and claim to be playing them behind the counter. Pujol decided to try his talent on the stage, and debuted in Marseille in 1887. After his act proved successful, he proceeded to Paris, where he took the act to the Moulin Rouge in 1892.
Some of the highlights of his stage act involved playing a flute through a rubber tube in his anus, farting sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms as well as farting La Marseillaise. He could also blow out a candle from several yards away.[1] His audience included Edward, Prince of Wales, King Leopold II of the Belgians and Sigmund Freud.[2]
Cont’d at Wiki. ;-)
I may never eat bread again.
A low-carbohydrate diet will nearly eliminate gas production, and other diet caused problems as well.
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