Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have
MSN ^ | May 20, 2008 | Steve Calechman

Posted on 05/20/2008 9:37:30 PM PDT by Daffynition

1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.

7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

[snip]

(Excerpt) Read more at men.msn.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: genx
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-80 ... 161 next last
To: piytar
Hey, I have a “man purse,” ie. a fanny pack. But I use it to carry my 9mm (have a CCW permit). Does that count?

OK. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but yes, it still counts as a man bag. Also, the 9mm is not a proven bear-stopping round. If it's a REALLY big magazine, like a giant Glock or service issue Beretta it is almost OK.

Real men carry N-frame revolvers. If you are a hard ass and a dandy then a 1911 in a shoulder holster is a workable alternative. If you just hate too much gun (how is that possible) a snub-nose in the pocket or something is acceptable.

The 9mm in a fanny pack is WRONG. I would say GAY, but that is not permitted anymore.

Good for you for having a CCW and carrying, in all seriousness!!

41 posted on 05/20/2008 10:25:28 PM PDT by Jack Black
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: MarineBrat

That’s nasty. What were the stickers for?


42 posted on 05/20/2008 10:27:39 PM PDT by allmost
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 40 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition

I lose #1 and #4. I live, breath and defend.


43 posted on 05/20/2008 10:29:27 PM PDT by eyedigress
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

I object. If Pabst Blue Ribbon was good enough for my dad and his dad, then it's good enough for me.

44 posted on 05/20/2008 10:29:49 PM PDT by Rightwing Conspiratr1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition
What other things should grown men be avoiding?

Posting on threads like this.

Doh!

45 posted on 05/20/2008 10:49:25 PM PDT by TigersEye (Berlin 1936. Olympics for murdering regimes. Beijing 2008.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition
1. A black eye.

Scope Bite?

46 posted on 05/20/2008 10:52:49 PM PDT by Petruchio (Democrats are like Slinkies... Not good for anything, but it's fun pushing them down the stairs.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: allmost
That’s nasty. What were the stickers for?

They've been around since the Vietnam war, and are used to improve one's aim. Many a VFW hall sported them.

47 posted on 05/20/2008 11:01:55 PM PDT by MarineBrat (My wife and I took an AIDS vaccination that the Church offers.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition

But Caddyshack...


48 posted on 05/20/2008 11:05:50 PM PDT by wastedyears (Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. - Optimus Prime)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Petruchio

Grease around the rims of binoculars.


49 posted on 05/20/2008 11:10:43 PM PDT by wastedyears (Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. - Optimus Prime)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 46 | View Replies]

To: Pylon

a real man can open a bottle with just the keys or any hard surface....lol


50 posted on 05/20/2008 11:28:12 PM PDT by fishhound (Boycott the Olympics in China.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: Kimmers

1. Pink shirts-nothing screams out “I’m Gay or sexually confused like a pink shirt. Don’t give me that “its OK now BS”.

2. Carrying an umbrella-(unless you’re carrying it for a woman to keep her dry). Umbrella carrying men just screams out “Hey I’m a candy-a$$ scared of water.

3. Working men using napkins (not talking about you guys in suits). That’s what shirt sleeves are for. A man using a napkin just gives off a tofu-eating aura that REAL men will avoid.

4. Cooking, if married. God gave us women-why the heck are you cooking?


51 posted on 05/20/2008 11:29:37 PM PDT by packrat35 (If mccain is the answer-it must have been a REALLY stupid question)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Petruchio

I’m 57 5’8” and last year I gave a 6’3” smart ass 24 year old a shiner that he won’t soon forget


52 posted on 05/20/2008 11:35:14 PM PDT by clamper1797 (It would be insane to vote for Hussein)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 46 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition
A dog the size of a football (and small enough to be punted when you kick it)

A "fixed" pet

53 posted on 05/20/2008 11:44:48 PM PDT by mukraker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition

Capri pants aka Bitch pants

Any clothing that contains the color pink

Shaving their legs or chest

Volkswagon Bugs

Celine Dion


54 posted on 05/21/2008 12:22:14 AM PDT by Proud_USA_Republican (We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good. - Hillary Clinton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: packrat35
4. Cooking, if married. God gave us women-why the heck are you cooking?

Because it's hamburger night?

55 posted on 05/21/2008 12:33:56 AM PDT by dr_lew
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Petronski
How about a manzier?


56 posted on 05/21/2008 12:41:00 AM PDT by TightyRighty
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: kaboom

“Men should avoid following any list that tells them what to do.”

Especially from msn.com which more than likely had a poof do the writing.


57 posted on 05/21/2008 1:06:41 AM PDT by neb52
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: piytar
"Men should avoid following any list that tells them what to do." If it is one of those that you can rip open with one hand, while the other hand is grabbing the gun. Then yes that is OK. A cop friend of mine wears one everywhere when off duty. Also a man bag is not a fanny pack.

Man Bag
58 posted on 05/21/2008 1:13:36 AM PDT by neb52
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: Daffynition
What other things should grown men be avoiding?

Reading men.msn.com.

59 posted on 05/21/2008 1:53:56 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows ("Code Pink should guard against creating stereotypes in the Mincing Community." --Titan Magroyne)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: qam1; ItsOurTimeNow; PresbyRev; Fraulein; StoneColdGOP; Clemenza; m18436572; InShanghai; xrp; ...

Xer Ping

Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social (and sometimes nostalgic) aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.

Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details and previous articles.  

60 posted on 05/21/2008 2:01:09 AM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-80 ... 161 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson