Need a laugh? (vanity)

unknown

[Doogle]

Subject: Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT:

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN:

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST:

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST:

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION:

You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION:

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION:

You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION:

You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[LiberConservative]

Oldy but a goody and oh so true.

[RandallFlagg]

One edit:

REPUBLICAN:

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? It’s his own damn fault, so don’t even think about giving the lazy bum one of mine. Make him earn his own.

[Roscoe Karns]

HILLARY CLINTON:

You have two cows and they both look like Webster Hubbell.

[RebelTXRose]

Thank you SO MUCH for explaining all this! LOL!

[Doogle]

LMAO

[madison10]

Christian: You have two cows, your neighbor has none. You give your neighbor milk because his two children are hungry and also invite them to dinner.

Rather than thanking you, the neighbor calls the authorities because you have two cows, four children and you prayed over the meal.

[Focault's Pendulum]

I'm copying this, blowing it up, and posting it in my storefront window.

Expecting to be egged soon.

Have already renegotiated my window washing contract.

[Doogle]

*smiles*..thats good, Please feel free to add your own

[skr]

Now, now, a Republican would invite the neighbor’s children over for ice cream.

[Oatka]

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION:

You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal and send the cheese to Mexico.

[G8 Diplomat]

American liberal:

You have two cows. You want to buy a third. You go to the state fair but you arrive late and all the cows have been sold. You blame George Bush and global warming.

Arab corporation:

You have two cows. You want to buy a bull and start a cattle business. You haggle with a Bedouin cattle dealer but reach no agreement. You shoot him and take the cow.

British corporation:

You have two cows. Both have mad cow disease.

[CowboyJay]

HAMAS

You have one cow, and desperately need the milk. You strap explosives to it, and send it across the border to detonate. When the Israelis decide to shoot back, you use your milk for sandbags.

[amom]

Laugh break time.

[kalee]

ping

[Doogle]

LOL

[luvie]

LOL!

No wonder I hate milk! :D

[CowboyJay]

UNION MAN

You’re too lazy to run a farm. You’re happy to milk someone else’s cow as long as you get 2 lunch breaks a day. Your cousin Vito gets his cut of the milk for keeping the farmer from firing you (for taking 2 lunch breaks a day).

You go to lunch and forget the cow needs to be fed too. Eventually it quits producing milk and dies. Now all you have to eat is government cheese made from other peoples’ milk.

[Doogle]

coming from Jersey I can relate