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The 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time
Retro Comedy ^ | Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Posted on 07/31/2009 6:30:47 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666

What do murder, pedophilia, suicide and a baby tiger have in common? They have all been used to sell stuff in these amazingly disturbing vintage ads!

These are real, untouched advertisements from the good old days. It doesn't matter if it's lovely ladies or adorable clowns, somehow these old-time ad wizards found ways to traumatize us while pedaling everyday products.

Enjoy them now, call your therapist later!


15. White Bread Demon
"Bread is swell, but what I'm really excited about is eating jelly made from the blood of the innocent!"


14. French Suicide Sausage
It's enough to make you want to eat Kosher forever.


13. A Girl Around The House
It's nice to have a girl around the house... especially if you are a psychopath serial killer who makes women into rugs!



12. Chubby
Who needs self-esteem when you can have a free fashion book for chubbies? Also, proving that advertising weight representation has always been screwed up, the girl pictured is totally not chubby.


11. Christmas Weapons
The family that guns together, has funs together.



10. Eye patch. Shirt. Baby Tiger.
Sexy?


9. Chase & Sandborn Spanking
She totally deserves it. Seriously, what kind of woman doesn't "store test" for fresher coffee?


8. Fry's Chocolate Nightmare
Nothing wants to make consumers buy chocolate more than 5 faces of a sickly kid looking 5 different shades of miserable.


7. Root Beer Baby!
Mama, please DO NOT give your baby another glass of Root Beer. It is clearly doing something horrible to him. He is terrifying.



6. Locked Out
You better wash out your privates with Lysol, or your husband will install cartoon locks on the door.


5. Pears Soap Disaster
"Pears Soap- now with such a soothing lather, you won't notice that your baby has gotten into a horrible accident!"


4. Postage Meter Murder
"Is it always illegal to kill a woman?" This is a truly important question and makes us want to buy a new postage meter.


3. Shave Yourself
The old man baby's gonna sing karaoke into a razor! Hooray!


2. Baby Soft
JonBenét Ramsey, eat your heart out. (Too soon?) This ad makes us want to scream, gouge out our eyes and then barf.


1. Chocolate Poulain
Drink that cocoa, or this clown will murder you in your sleep.


Special thanks to Weirdomatic, Livejournal & the fabulous Plan 59 !



TOPICS: History; Humor; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: ads; advertising; creepy; disturbing; old; strange
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Almost a month old but I didn't see it posted (search) and thought it would be a good Friday type of thread.
1 posted on 07/31/2009 6:30:48 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

mark


2 posted on 07/31/2009 6:34:14 AM PDT by Former Proud Canadian (How do I change my screen name now that we have the most conservative government in the world?)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

BUMP!

I am a BIG fan of Plan 59!


3 posted on 07/31/2009 6:35:00 AM PDT by Constitution Day (Eschew exclamatory abuse.)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666
WOW.....Just damn!
4 posted on 07/31/2009 6:35:02 AM PDT by gimme1ibertee (Time to CLEAN HOUSE (AND Senate!!!) Kick their butts to the curb!!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

bttt


5 posted on 07/31/2009 6:35:35 AM PDT by petercooper (GOP: Big Tent Party??? Not if you are a CONSERVATIVE.)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Some of those made me gasp — were they acceptable in society then? To show a man spanking his wife? A baby holding a razor? A tiger rug with a woman’s head and a man’s foot on it?

Woah


6 posted on 07/31/2009 6:36:43 AM PDT by SoftballMominVA
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

LOL! The #11 to #10 sequence makes sense.


7 posted on 07/31/2009 6:38:46 AM PDT by ScottinVA
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Comment #8 Removed by Moderator

To: the_devils_advocate_666
Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

9 posted on 07/31/2009 6:39:19 AM PDT by Notary Sojac (I quit voting for RINOs when the GOP gave us Bob Dole. Have not voted for one since...)
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To: Slings and Arrows

.....


10 posted on 07/31/2009 6:39:55 AM PDT by KoRn (Department of Homeland Security, Certified - "Right Wing Extremist")
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

OMG that Love’s Baby Soft ad! And the baby under the tub! WTH??


11 posted on 07/31/2009 6:40:28 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

12 posted on 07/31/2009 6:41:23 AM PDT by maggief
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To: SoftballMominVA
Some of those made me gasp — were they acceptable in society then? To show a man spanking his wife?

Why even bother to have a wife if you can't spank her?

13 posted on 07/31/2009 6:41:41 AM PDT by South Hawthorne (In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666
Absolutely nothing wrong with this ad:

14 posted on 07/31/2009 6:41:59 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

This reminds me of the stuff on James Lilek’s site, http://www.lileks.com.


15 posted on 07/31/2009 6:42:40 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: SoftballMominVA

I know! “Is it always illegal to kill a woman?” WTH????


16 posted on 07/31/2009 6:42:57 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

I don’t think the root beer ad is that bad.


17 posted on 07/31/2009 6:43:12 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
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To: SoftballMominVA
I used to have a copy of the Chase and Sanborn "Store Test" ad hanging on my bulletin board at work, but the HR weenies made me take it down. They just don't understand irony...
18 posted on 07/31/2009 6:44:38 AM PDT by bondjamesbond (Don't blame me... I voted for PALIN!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666
Okay, I'll bite.

14, 13, 8, 5, 2, and 1 are disturbing or just bizarre...especially #'s 2 and 13, but the rest are just consistent with feelings at the time they were published.It is unfair to judge old ads by today's standards.

As for the foreign ads, well...there's no accounting for foreigners.
19 posted on 07/31/2009 6:46:32 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: SoftballMominVA

You have to read the fine print to appreciate this #6. Click on the image to get a larger view (I couldn’t seem to get it to post here).


20 posted on 07/31/2009 6:46:33 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: stylecouncilor

ping


21 posted on 07/31/2009 6:47:41 AM PDT by windcliff
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To: SoftballMominVA

Are you really that naive? People in America used to have a sense of humor and didn’t take offense at everything.


22 posted on 07/31/2009 6:48:27 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: retrokitten

It’s called humor. People in America used to have some...you might try it yourself.


23 posted on 07/31/2009 6:50:08 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

oh my.. this is funny

bump


24 posted on 07/31/2009 6:51:30 AM PDT by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!you)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Those ads are only distrubing to a wussified populace.


25 posted on 07/31/2009 6:51:30 AM PDT by CodeToad (If it weren't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable!)
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To: bondjamesbond

Liberals have destroyed the American sense of humor. It’s so sad that every one takes themselves so seriously.


26 posted on 07/31/2009 6:52:09 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: windcliff

She seems a bit TOO fascinated by the knife. I don't think the jelly's a player.

27 posted on 07/31/2009 6:52:20 AM PDT by ScottinVA
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To: Sudetenland

You are so right!!! I don’t know how I didn’t find a baby with a look of pain on it’s face because it’s trapped under a upturned bathtub funny until you pointed out it’s humor!! Thank you so much for being there for me!!!


28 posted on 07/31/2009 6:53:09 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: martin_fierro

This one freaked me out.

29 posted on 07/31/2009 6:53:16 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: Tijeras_Slim

LMAO! It can’t be easy to ride a Segway with wooden shoes.


30 posted on 07/31/2009 6:55:37 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666; All

31 posted on 07/31/2009 6:57:54 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Wow! And I thought Viagra ads were tasteless.


32 posted on 07/31/2009 6:58:01 AM PDT by Barb4Bush (God help us all!)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

Do you have text of it? I can’t get it much bigger either.


33 posted on 07/31/2009 6:58:57 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: Red in Blue PA

34 posted on 07/31/2009 6:58:59 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Red in Blue PA

35 posted on 07/31/2009 7:04:12 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Sudetenland
Uhm....yeah...I would take offense at “Is it always illegal to kill a woman?” That ain't right

So why aren't their vintage ads of a woman saying “Is it always illegal to kill a man” with a woman standing next to a toilet seat with the lid up! And naive? no -- But I have forgotten how misogynistic we as a country used to be

36 posted on 07/31/2009 7:05:07 AM PDT by SoftballMominVA
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To: retrokitten

37 posted on 07/31/2009 7:05:56 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: Red in Blue PA
Why don't we have ads like this today? (and I am being serious!)

38 posted on 07/31/2009 7:06:12 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: retrokitten
As I previously state...no sense of humor, none at all. Everything is sooo serious.

By the way, your original comment was:
"I know! “Is it always illegal to kill a woman?” WTH????
Which if I'm not mistaken is entirely different from the ad with a baby crying because it is trapped under the tub. Way to change the subject.
39 posted on 07/31/2009 7:07:14 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666
You have to read the fine print to appreciate this #6.

Truly cleanses the vaginal canal...even in the presence of mucus material...

40 posted on 07/31/2009 7:07:56 AM PDT by Onelifetogive (See www.buyingapuppy.com for News on Dogs and Puppies)
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To: Onelifetogive; All
Love the "Accidental discharge impossible":

41 posted on 07/31/2009 7:09:45 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Sudetenland

Am I thick? I did not understand how they were selling machines with that add. I wonder if there was more to the whole thing.

Yes... Everyone has to understand that some of these are funny not because the people founfd them funny but because you wonder why they ever went that way to begin with.

I would imagine some people were fired over a couple of these.

Also the little comments from the blogster are his/her interpretation. A lot of other funny thoughts come to mind on some of these.


42 posted on 07/31/2009 7:12:20 AM PDT by GulfBreeze (Palin 2012 - For The Change You Wanted!!!)
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To: Red in Blue PA; All

43 posted on 07/31/2009 7:13:02 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Sudetenland
Actually, my original comment was:

OMG that Love’s Baby Soft ad! And the baby under the tub! WTH??

Then I commented to another poster regarding the ad about killing the women. But, hey, you find murder, pedophilia, and injured babies funny. To each their own.

44 posted on 07/31/2009 7:13:08 AM PDT by retrokitten (I want to rock your gypsy soul just like way back in the days of old...- Into the Mystic)
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To: SoftballMominVA
No, you just forgot how completely brainwashed you have become by the Leftist media. A vast majority of the women during that time were happy...far happier with their lives than women are today judging from the media and conversation. They understood irony and also were well aware that women of those days usually got there own back in those "evil" sitcoms you feminists so like to attack.

People were simply less prone to take offense at simple humor. They understood the difference between a joke and a serious threat...at least all but the feminist haters.
45 posted on 07/31/2009 7:13:19 AM PDT by Sudetenland (Without God there is no freedom, for what rights man can give, he can take away.)
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To: the_devils_advocate_666

I love this one. from 1957

They’re Young... They’re in love... They eat LARD

http://slackerpedia.com/british-lard/images/couple.gif


46 posted on 07/31/2009 7:13:21 AM PDT by NavyCanDo
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To: maggief

Hopefully some day soon this ad will be seen as the most bizarre and undesirable of all.


47 posted on 07/31/2009 7:13:38 AM PDT by JacksonCalhoun
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To: retrokitten; All

48 posted on 07/31/2009 7:15:12 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (If guns cause crime, then all of mine are defective!)
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To: Red in Blue PA

LOL... That CAN’T be real!!!


49 posted on 07/31/2009 7:15:13 AM PDT by GulfBreeze (Palin 2012 - For The Change You Wanted!!!)
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To: Red in Blue PA

Just like a Glock ;)

Well, Iver Johnson did invent the transfer bar.


50 posted on 07/31/2009 7:16:42 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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