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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 01/07/2011 5:02:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen
How the heck did he get in there??
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know we're already out of money?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag ever opens from the end you try first?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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To: verga
21
posted on
01/07/2011 6:25:03 AM PST
by
Ro_Thunder
(Nov 2nd, 2010 - The adults get home, and are back in charge)
To: Ro_Thunder
22
posted on
01/07/2011 6:42:51 AM PST
by
Tatze
(I reject your reality and substitute my own!)
To: Ro_Thunder
23
posted on
01/07/2011 6:44:06 AM PST
by
CJ Wolf
To: Lucky9teen; Shyla; girlscout
Happy Friday!!
24
posted on
01/07/2011 6:56:09 AM PST
by
MissTed
( Do women in burqas have fun tagging each other in Facebook photos?)
To: Lucky9teen
POLITICALLY INCORRECT BRITISH HUMOR
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said, "We didn't even know they were living up there."
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown five times a week now.
I was reading in the newspaper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low!
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
25
posted on
01/07/2011 7:02:23 AM PST
by
red-dawg
(We have learned to stop terrorism on planes by ourselves, it's time to do that in D.C.)
To: red-dawg
I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day .
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then.....you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions, central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
26
posted on
01/07/2011 7:05:36 AM PST
by
red-dawg
(There is no such thing as "government money".)
To: Lucky9teen
Re; last photo- get your feet off the president’s desk, you sorry pos!
27
posted on
01/07/2011 7:05:41 AM PST
by
patriot08
(TEXAS GAL- born and bred and proud of it!)
To: red-dawg
28
posted on
01/07/2011 7:08:13 AM PST
by
red-dawg
(There is no such thing as "government money".)
To: Lucky9teen
29
posted on
01/07/2011 7:14:09 AM PST
by
BenLurkin
(This post is not a statement of fact. It is merely a personal opinion -- or humor -- or both)
To: CPOSharky
To: wyokostur
PARANORMAL CATIVITY
31
posted on
01/07/2011 8:04:28 AM PST
by
Lucky9teen
(Jobs? Nope! Economy? Nope! Disarm the U.S? Yep! Impeach the treasonous Marxist Muslim usurper bast)
To: Lucky9teen
32
posted on
01/07/2011 8:13:12 AM PST
by
dragonblustar
("... and if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler!" - Greg Gutfeld)
To: Lucky9teen
33
posted on
01/07/2011 8:35:18 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
(Double your income... Fire the government)
To: Lucky9teen
34
posted on
01/07/2011 8:58:33 AM PST
by
dragonblustar
("... and if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler!" - Greg Gutfeld)
To: MissTed
35
posted on
01/07/2011 8:59:32 AM PST
by
dragonblustar
("... and if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler!" - Greg Gutfeld)
To: dragonblustar
ROTFLMAO!!!
Woo-hoo!! Top 50!!
36
posted on
01/07/2011 9:11:16 AM PST
by
gimme1ibertee
("Criticism......brings attention to an unhealthy state of things"-Winston Churchill)
To: Lucky9teen; The Comedian
To: Lucky9teen
Out of Texas
This good ol’ Texan cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.
“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says, “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well then, better tell me what you got.”
Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”
“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”
“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”
“Nope.”
“Well then, what are you afraid of?”
“Not a darned thing.”
38
posted on
01/07/2011 9:54:33 AM PST
by
unique
To: unique
Did you see post #3, by any chance?
39
posted on
01/07/2011 9:55:30 AM PST
by
Pan_Yan
To: Lucky9teen
Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security
Terrorist Plots Discovered ..... 0
Transvestites..... 133
Hernias..... 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases..... 3,172
Enlarged Prostates..... 8,249
Breast Implants..... 59,350
Natural Blondes..... 3
40
posted on
01/07/2011 9:55:58 AM PST
by
unique
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