Posted on 11/02/2012 5:46:36 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
"After the last debate, experts agreed that President Obama won on substance and I thought: Well, big deal, Lance Armstrong won on several substances." -David Letterman
"Experts say the entire 2012 election could come down to just eight states. The states are: confusion, dismay, depression, apathy, shock, disbelief, despair, and anxiety. Those are the eight states." -Jay Leno
"Don't ask, don't tell" is back. Not for gays in the military — it's President Obama's new policy for questions about Libya." ~ Jay Leno
"Republicans are accusing the White House of successfully engineering a massive cover-up of the Libyan attack. But, on the plus side, it's the first time in four years Republicans have given credit to Obama for doing anything successfully." ~ Jay Leno
"President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in over six months. You know the reason Obama hasn't met with his job council in six months? They're all out looking for jobs." -Jay Leno
"Economists say rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy will give the ailing construction industry a huge boost. In fact, the storm has already created more jobs than President Obama." -Jay Leno
"The New York City Marathon is still on for Sunday. Typically the New York City Marathon is won by a guy from Kenya. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm thinking about next week's election." -David Letterman
"I had a trick-or-treater tonight who stood outside on my porch for an hour, didn't ring the bell, didn't knock on the door. I said, "Who are you supposed to be?" He said, "I'm an undecided voter.'" -Jay Leno
"Harvard Law School will soon offer a class called 'Understanding Obama' - while Barnum & Bailey Clown College will offer a class called 'Understanding Biden.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A man in Indiana got a tattoo of Barack Obama's campaign logo on his face. They describe the man as a staunch Democrat who has never heard of bumper stickers." -Jay Leno
"Mitt Romney picked 'Javelin' as his Secret Service code name. Rick Santorum chose 'Petris' because that's his grandfather's name. Barack Obama chose 'Gas prices are not my fault.'" -Jay Leno
"Did you see the story about the mother duck and her ducklings helped through a a fence at the White House property? The Secret Service pushed the little ducks through the fence. Of course, the Secret Service checked to make sure the ducks had donated enough money to President Obama's re-election campaign." -Jay Leno
"Due to the rising price of oil and gas, the Obama administration announced today they are considering dipping into our national strategic re-election reserves. I mean, I'm sorry - strategic oil reserves." -Jay Leno
"President Obama is trying to come up with a new campaign slogan that would replace 'hope and change.' He's thinking of going with 'I am not Mitt Romney.'" -Craig Ferguson
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They should rename Sandy to A-Rod, then it wouldn't hit anything.
They should rename Sandy to the Jets, then it would never touchdown.
Nothing like Hurricane Sandy to make me realize what's really important in life, internet access.
What do Snooki and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will blow the entire east coast to get on TV.
Sandy's first victim in NY city is the crane that holds up Rex Ryan's pants.
Olive Garden Poorly Timed Ad: Go out tonight, be social.
I believe Hurricane Sandy and all hurricanes should have access to contraception. - Barack Obama
Romney has a binder full of hurricane names.
Did someone say Sandy was blowing people? - Bill Clinton
About to watch The Day After Tomorrow, that should take my mind off the hurricane.
Hurricane Sandy, proof that Gangnam style is an Indian Rain Dance.
How's the name Hurricane Sandy threatening? If you really want to scare people, call it Hurricane DickSmash.
Obama claims Hurricane Sandy is the result of a spontaneous butterfly.
New waterfront property. Conveniently located in West Virgina.
If you lose power, don't think of it as being caught in a blackout, think of it as temporarily falling to the dark side.
NJ weather alert. In the event of an emergency, find Chris Christie and hold on.
If Sandy were hitting Europe, we'd be starting to plan a summit to set the legislative basis to design a framework for buying a lifeboat.
Hurricane Sandy, because God is tired of political ads too.
I'm sorry for my terrible Hurricane Sandy jokes, I know they blow.
Q. If Obama is reelected President, how will he ensure that men and women have equal earnings?
A. Unemployment.
The Obama campaign was handing out "Obama vs Outsourcing" bumper-stickers. They were made in China.
When Ronald Reagan left office in 1989 it was the end of an era. When Obama leaves office in 2013 it will be the end of an error.
Obama is working on a new plan after his fiasco in Libya. He's going to rent a U-Haul.
Obama ended the War on Terror. He surrendered.
To err is human, to blame it all on Bush is Obama.
ObamaPhone gets great reviews on MSNBC.
ObamaPhone promises to do better if you buy it again.
Chris Matthews the ObamaPhone vibrator mode.
Joe Biden's ObamaPhone has a rotary dial.
The Fluke model ObamaPhone includes free phone sex.
Acorn ObamaPhones are registered in fake names. .
ObamaPhone skins are very thin.
ObamaPhone redistributes your rollover minutes.
ObamaPhones don't have a mute button.
When ObamaPhone drops a call it blames BushPhone.
ObamaPhone will never be a smartphone.
ObamaPhone has the unemployment office on speed dial.
ObamaPhone never works between 9am and 5pm.
ObamaPhone comes with a tiny teleprompter.
The only game on the ObamaPhone is golf.
Banks get a trillion free minutes on ObamaPhone.
ObamaPhone's map app covers all 57 states.
ObamaPhone's map app is missing Jerusalem.
ObamaPhone blocks calls from taxpayers.
The ObamaPhone cursor always points to Mecca.
ObamaPhone's come in wind or solar powered.
ObamaPhone is only available with a four year plan.
ObamaPhone's navigation system always turns left.
An ObamaCare app installs without your permission.
The ObamaPhone was made in Kenya Hawaii.
Good Morning!
TOP 10!!!
In !!!
Mornin Lucky
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF
Top 10!
Ping!
How silly will obama look next friday ?
you think he would move he gets hit every time.... ;*0
Apparently there’s a new drink out called “The Sandy”.
Not much to it: it’s just a watered-down Manhattan.
TOP 20!
WARNING: OLDER MEN SCAM
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.
A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, BJ’s, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
Here’s how the scam works:
Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their skimpy T-shirts (It’s impossible not to look).. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also October 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.
Please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon
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