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(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Posted on 12/14/2012 5:04:40 AM PST by Lucky9teen

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write Santa a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to Santa , USA , they decided to send it to President Obama.

Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank you note to Santa, which read:

Dear Santa: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington , D.C. and that &^%** Obama took $95.00 in taxes!



Important Lesson!!!
Mark was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.  Mark took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied."

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" Mark asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on deer corn to hunt deer instead of food?" Mark asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't hunted in 20 years!"

"Well," said Mark, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that???"

Mark replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting!"









And now for some cartoons:










TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: christmas; friday; ofst; silliness
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Funny or not!! Adults only
NUDE SANTA -----

Scroll down to see the nude Santa

 
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For crying out loud. Act your age. There is no Santa !

Sometimes I just can't believe you!!!

1 posted on 12/14/2012 5:04:48 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

HEY

IT'S TIME FOR

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


Ok, I'm only posting this once....so if it posts more than that, it's gotta be magic or something...

2 posted on 12/14/2012 5:07:25 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

HEY

IT'S TIME FOR

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


Ok, I'm only posting this once....so if it posts more than that, it's gotta be magic or something...

3 posted on 12/14/2012 5:08:28 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

HEY

IT'S TIME FOR

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


Ok, I'm only posting this once....so if it posts more than that, it's gotta be magic or something...

4 posted on 12/14/2012 5:09:25 AM PST by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woo Hoo!!! Top Ten!!!!! Thanks Lucky!


5 posted on 12/14/2012 5:12:39 AM PST by moose07 (The truth will out, one day.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Daddy’s new Ipad


A daughter is visiting her father and is helping in the kitchen. She asks, “Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new IPad we gave you for your birthday?”

This is in German but that’s all you really need to know. You’ll get the rest.

http://www.snotr.com/video/8965/


6 posted on 12/14/2012 5:13:01 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (0 bummer inherited a worse economy in 2012 than he did in 2008.)
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To: Lucky9teen
In the interests of a high quality silliness thread, I want to clarify the difference between being silly, being surreal, and being just plain stupid.

This is silly:

This is surreal:

This is just plain stupid:

Thank you, and please, enjoy your silliness responsibly.

7 posted on 12/14/2012 5:14:46 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top TEN!


8 posted on 12/14/2012 5:17:49 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("Liberalism is about as progressive as CANCER" -Alfonzo Rachel)
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To: All

TOP TEN!!!!


9 posted on 12/14/2012 5:17:52 AM PST by KevinDavis (And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.)
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To: Lucky9teen

———I’m only posting this once-——

Your magical powers are decreasing. It only posted twice, not three times.


10 posted on 12/14/2012 5:18:26 AM PST by bert ((K.E. N.P. N.C. +12 .....The fairest Deduction to be reduced is the Standard Deduction)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!!
11 posted on 12/14/2012 5:18:47 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen


12 posted on 12/14/2012 5:19:23 AM PST by Old Sarge (We are officially over the precipice, we just havent struck the ground yet...)
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To: Rummyfan
Almost!
13 posted on 12/14/2012 5:19:57 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: ArGee
This is an absolutely true story.

I met someone on Sunday, and in typical American fashion I asked him what he does. "I work for the Apple store," he replied.

I'm not a fan of Macs or Mac lovers, as they tend to have this irritating air of superiority every time they pull out their computers, but in the interest of tolerance I remained friendly. "Oh," I said, "are you a genius?"

"No," he answered. "I'm a manager.

14 posted on 12/14/2012 5:20:36 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Arrowhead1952
Best possible use for an iPad I've seen yet.

Sent from my Nexus 7.

15 posted on 12/14/2012 5:23:41 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!!!


16 posted on 12/14/2012 5:27:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (Help stamp out and abolish superfluous redundancy.)
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To: Lucky9teen

17 posted on 12/14/2012 5:31:26 AM PST by tomkow6 (...................TOMKOW6 ! The ONLY voice of reason & sanity in a chaotic Canteen!...............)
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To: ArGee

18 posted on 12/14/2012 5:33:48 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

19 posted on 12/14/2012 5:36:09 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

20 posted on 12/14/2012 5:37:50 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Hi Arrowhead!

Yay, me! Top 400!


21 posted on 12/14/2012 5:43:06 AM PST by TheOldLady
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To: Lucky9teen
My Christmas card...

22 posted on 12/14/2012 5:44:12 AM PST by TSgt (...voters discover that they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.)
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To: TSgt

I miss you.

That is great.


23 posted on 12/14/2012 5:46:56 AM PST by NeoCaveman (SMOD 2012)
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To: Lucky9teen

I see it 3 times. Regardless, Top something baby!!!!

Everyone have a great weekend.


24 posted on 12/14/2012 5:48:01 AM PST by EQAndyBuzz (You cant bring something to its knees that refuses to stand on its own)
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To: Lucky9teen

A WISH TO LIVE FOREVER

I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.

Immediately I said, “I want to live forever.”

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”

“OK,” I said, “Then, I want to die after Congress gets its head out of its ass!”

“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.


25 posted on 12/14/2012 5:57:15 AM PST by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
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To: Lucky9teen
WooHoo! Happy Friday!!
26 posted on 12/14/2012 5:59:42 AM PST by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
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To: BerryDingle

10 Sure Fire Ways To get on Santa’s bad side!

1. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants

2. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

3. Build an army of snowmen on the roof, holding signs – ‘Bah Humbug’ and ‘Bite me Santa.’

4. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

5. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t have missed that last payment, and take off.

6. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, ‘Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.’

7. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

8. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

9. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see them. Go outside, yell, ‘Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!’ and fire a gun.

10. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, ‘This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.


27 posted on 12/14/2012 6:00:08 AM PST by EQAndyBuzz (You cant bring something to its knees that refuses to stand on its own)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 40!!


28 posted on 12/14/2012 6:02:06 AM PST by Donkey Odious ( Adapt, improvise, and overcome - now a motto for us all.)
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To: EQAndyBuzz

That reminds me. I have to NOT light a fire on the 24th this year.


29 posted on 12/14/2012 6:03:52 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

Very funny!


30 posted on 12/14/2012 6:04:12 AM PST by FatherofFive (Islam is evil and must be eradicated)
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To: Lucky9teen

31 posted on 12/14/2012 6:05:46 AM PST by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
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To: ArGee

Yeah, BABY!!!!

Where do I sign up?

32 posted on 12/14/2012 6:14:23 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

33 posted on 12/14/2012 6:17:11 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: Lucky9teen

It’s CHRISTMAS magic! LOL


34 posted on 12/14/2012 6:34:27 AM PST by MortMan (I will be true to my principles.)
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To: MortMan

35 posted on 12/14/2012 6:44:45 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: bert

If it makes anyone feel better, townhall.com was triple-posting this morning. They appear to have fixed it now, though.


36 posted on 12/14/2012 6:46:01 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

37 posted on 12/14/2012 6:47:51 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: ArGee

38 posted on 12/14/2012 6:50:49 AM PST by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 40!!


39 posted on 12/14/2012 6:56:22 AM PST by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: fidelis

My favorite animal...
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where I am now...


40 posted on 12/14/2012 6:56:31 AM PST by IM2MAD (IM2MAD=Individual Motivated 2 Make A Difference)
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To: fidelis

41 posted on 12/14/2012 6:56:52 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: fidelis

42 posted on 12/14/2012 7:00:11 AM PST by ArGee (Reality - what a concept.)
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To: MortMan

I turned on the TV last night and saw the Los Angeles Lakers playing basketball and realized how it must really suck these days to be a Lakers fan! All that money they spent on big name players and they’re in last place (or close to it!)...HA!HA!HA!
Kind of reminds you of the Federal Gov’t doesn’t it?


43 posted on 12/14/2012 7:01:28 AM PST by princess leah
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To: Lucky9teen
Posted not once, not twice, but three times! You mojo berry strong.
44 posted on 12/14/2012 7:11:27 AM PST by upchuck (America's at an awkward stage. Too late to work within the system, too early to shoot the bastards.)
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To: Lucky9teen

.

.

.

.


45 posted on 12/14/2012 7:13:17 AM PST by red-dawg
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To: red-dawg

.

.


46 posted on 12/14/2012 7:15:44 AM PST by red-dawg
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To: EQAndyBuzz

Christmas Dinner
This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find
out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every
Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids’ stockings overflowed, his poor
pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went
in search of an inflatable love doll. They don’t sell those things at
Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you’ve never been in an X-rated store, don’t go, you’ll only confuse
yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, ‘What does this do?’
‘You’re kidding me!’ ‘Who would buy that?’ Finally, I made it to the
inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as
a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. ‘Love Dolls’ come in many different
models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
things I’d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for ‘Lovable
Louise.’ She was at the bottom of the price scale.
To call Louise a ‘doll’ took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning
hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose
with Louise’s pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what
remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a
couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some
more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the
family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas
dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. ‘What the
hell is that?’ she asked.
My brother quickly explained, ‘It’s a doll.’
‘Who would play with something like that?’ Granny snapped..
I kept my mouth shut.
‘Where are her clothes?’ Granny continued.
‘Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,’ Jay said, to steer her into the
dining room.

But Granny was relentless. ‘Why doesn’t she have any teeth?’
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, ‘Hang on Granny, hang
on!’

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and
said, ‘Hey, who’s the naked gal by the fireplace?’ I told him she was Jay’s
friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not
just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might
be Grandpa’s last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like
my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel,
flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat
screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across
the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother’s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide
the cause of Louise’s collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from
a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
perfect health..

I can’t wait until next Christmas


47 posted on 12/14/2012 7:17:12 AM PST by BerryDingle (I know how to deal with communists, I still wear their scars on my back from Hollywood-Ronald Reagan)
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To: tomkow6

48 posted on 12/14/2012 7:17:53 AM PST by Godzilla (3/7/77)
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To: red-dawg

Ice cream one is awesome.

My dad was cutting the grass and was about 1/3 through. He waved at me and asked if I would take the mower around a couple of times while he went to get a drink of water. I kept going and going and when I finished, I saw him in the house watching me through the window with his glass of water. and laughing.

nice.


49 posted on 12/14/2012 7:19:47 AM PST by Texas resident
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To: red-dawg
Aww, crap. I think I broke it...


50 posted on 12/14/2012 7:20:50 AM PST by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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