***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Is everyone ready for summer?

[Heartlander]

President Obama Astounded to Discover that He is Married

IN OTHER NEWS:

Obama discovers ear...

[relictele]

[ArGee]

It cooled off this week here in Gotham.

Last week it was so hot that I saw a dog chasing a squirrel in the park and they were both walking.

[ArGee]

Not from BJ Ice Cream you won’t. Not with a liberal on the label, anyway.

[ArGee]

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

In Heaven.

And it's a comedy.

And the audience is in stitches ALL THE TIME.

[Old Sarge]

He might be dead and bloating in the sun.

No, no, you're wrong, he's beached himself! There's been a mass beaching at the pier!

Help me push these magnificent creatures back to the sea where they belong!

SAVE THE WHA... hold it...

[ArGee]

Well I was floating down
The old Green River on the good ship, Rock 'n' Rye.
Well, we drifted too far
Got stuck on a bar
I was out there alone
Wishing I was home.
Well, the ship went down
With her captain and crew
Was only one thing that I could do.
I had to drink that whole Green River dry
To get back home to you.

To really get the humor visit this site.

[k4gypsyrose]

Looks like a bowl of human fruit-loops.

[Rummyfan]

Amsterdam???

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

I’ve boycotted Ben & Jerry’s for years, but if they ever actually came out with this flavor I wouldn’t hesitate to buy it.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

“1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?”

Lucas once made a vacuum cleaner. It’s the only product they ever offered that didn’t suck.

The three-position Lucas switch - dim, flicker and off.

The other three-position Lucas switch - smoke, smolder and burn.

Someone once told Joseph Lucas his electrical components suffered from short circuits. His solution: longer wires.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because they have Lucas refrigerators.

Anyone who’s ever owned a British car will know what I’m talking about. :)

[Monkey Face]

TOP....something.

[r-q-tek86]

10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

I don't understand... doesn't everyone stand in support of their team?

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

“23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?”

For that matter, why is “monosyllabic” such a long word?

[TomGuy]

NSA Theme Song?

Sting

"Every Breath You Take"

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you


Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you

[ArGee]

Well, it makes sense that sitting in stands would make sense to an architect.

[fredhead]

From an old Gunsmoke episode, Doc asks Festus why he didn’t learn to read. Festus replies:

“If I was to learn to read writin’, how would I know that the person that was writin’ the writin’ was writin’ the writin’ right? I might be reading wrong writin’, don’t you see?”

[ArGee]

Mom used to get really mad at Dad for his procrastination, especially if he was watching something on T.V. Remember in those days there was no cable, no remote, and we got exactly 3 channels. But it held Dad in thrall when it was on. So she would ask him to do something and he would tell her he would do it in couple of secs and he would forget and they would fight.

One day she called into the den (no “man cave” in those days) and said, “Honey, can you take the trash out?” He answered, as usual, “Just a couple of secs, dear.”

Well, Mom had had it. She shouted at the top of her lungs, “Secs, secs, secs. I’m sick of you and your secs. It’s never anything but secs with you.”

Unfortunately, I had just walked in the door with my friend.

I’ve never lived that one down.

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

My boss was a fence contractor in a previous life. He has nothing positive to say of architects.

[Monkey Face]

ROTFL!

Good one!!