Skip to comments.Fifty Awful Things About The Moderators
Posted on 06/30/2013 5:04:32 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum
There are many moderators, with different kinds of secret knowledge.
Anything you might say about them (including this) will be false for some of the Moderators, but true for others, which only adds to the confusion and mystery.
The Moderators infiltrate and take over cliques of all kinds, from drug warriors to libertarians to chatters, and turn them to their own ends.
And, just as a black joke, some of their secret cliques advertise themselves as Secret Cliques
They have agents and "sleepers" planted everywhere. Many of these people have no idea who they are really reporting to.
Others are active members of the conspiracy, working their way ever deeper into the fabric of the Free Republic society.
They control the welcome threads in order to make sure that new freepers learn to enjoy strange tuneless music and weird outlandish games, and that they dress oddly.
They also try to recruit the best and the brightest newbies as agents, to insure the next generation of the Conspiracy.
They constantly feud among themselves and war with other groups and organizations. Each Moderator is constantly striving to increase its power base and undermine the competition.
Their first means of dealing with Jim Robinson is to buy him off. To any freeper as rich as a Modertor, a few million dollars are nothing. They deal with others the same way, if they must.
Next they try threats. Danger to possessions, status or loved ones has dissuaded many a would-be foe of Moderator schemes.
And, of course, murder is an ancient Moderator weapon. The Moderators have been responsible for some of the most shocking assassinations of modern times.
They also replace Freeper accounts with doubles. For many years they recruited post-alikes who would serve their ends. Now they are perfecting cloning technology that will let them replace anybody. Anyone could really be a replacement. Even your best friend.
Those who can't be dealt with any other way are discredited or driven mad. Sometimes, this is a short drive. Sometimes, the Moderator makes the drive as well.
The Moderator conspiracy is as old as the forum. Many of the most famous names of history have been Moderators, or Moderator agents. Indeed, all of Free Republic's history is nothing more than an outside view of the schemes and struggles of the Moderators.
And, of course, the Moderators are constantly rewriting forum history to serve their own goals. For instance, newbies are taught that there is no historical evidence of DITHF, and they learn nothing about the Mass Exodus or the March For Justice.
They control the sidebars, so you hear what they want you to about today's news. Any event that doesn't fit in with their program will be quickly hushed up.
In particular, they control Breaking News. They don't permit intelligent threads to survive; they encourage mind candy that will keep people from thinking. The only reason good threads are permitted to appear at all is to convince intelligent people that nobody else likes such material, and that there must be something wrong with them.
The Moderators manipulate the Republicans and control politics on an international level. Your candidate's worth is just what the Moderators want it to be.
Likewise, the entire "war on drugs" is an Moderator invention. There's no war on drugs, or any real objection to such a thing, but plentiful free energy expended on the WOD might otherwise threaten the Moderators power base, if not expended on mindless infighting.
The Moderators are doing their best to hold back the forum's expansion, for the same reason. If Freepdom was more expansive, they'd be much harder to control. [Not all the Moderators agree on this. Some of them lust after the additional subjects to oppress, and some want (literally) new worlds to conquer..
And some of them are in touch with aliens from outer space. Some of them ARE aliens. Why would "advanced beings" want to meddle with the affairs of Freepers? Good question.
Worse, some of them have actual magical powers and are in league with forces from ... elsewhere. Great huge beings that are madness to look upon, or tiny, malicious things that glare and gibber from dark corners. They have pins and dolls; they know old names.
Other Moderators have embraced technology. Their files of information are much more useful when backed by the power of the computer. They are also conditioning everyone to believe that computers are so complicated and dangerous that only the Experts should play with them. Next time you get an electric bill for $666,666.66, you know who's behind it.
And some of these technophiles have gone a step farther, creating actual machine intelligences. These sentient computers are now, themselves, a force amoung the ruling Moderators. And they post just like any other Freepers.
The Moderators don't like flame wars; they are time consuming and wasteful. Flame wars only happen when two or more Moderators are very evenly matched and neither is willing to negotiate. But then they whip a few cliques into a righteous fervor and go at it.
They send secret messages through the newspaper articles and over Freeper radio-- in the posts, and even buried in the replies. They have other, even stranger forms of secret communications ... all around you, all the time.
They keep everyone -- yes, everyone -- under constant surveillance. Every time you fill out another post, another reply, another profile, you're weaving another strand of the net that binds the world. Every reply gives them more of a complete picture.
They are working to make the forum rules as confusing as possible, so everything will be illegal or potentially illegal -- then they have a hold on everybody and everyone will fear their rule.
They encourage resistance to authority among newbies and political dissidents, to distract older Freepers from the real enemy within.
But when they reach a satisfactory level of control, they turn their efforts toward extinguishing independence and encouraging mindless obedience to whatever orders come from the Moderators or their servants.
They commit random atrocities -- pulling articles posted by paleos, banning libertarians, suspending Catholics, nuking Evangelicals, taking down Bushbots, poisoning food at grocery stores, murdering old blind ladies -- just to make people vaguely confused, frightened and paranoid.
They suppress ideas which might change the status quo. Grand political plans are all lying in Moderator vaults, waiting for the day when it will suit the Secret Masters to release them. What happened to those who generated these grand plans? Bought off, intimidated, or just vanished.
On the other hand, they also maintain secret laboratories where they develop new weapons and devices of all kind. Lightning comes to mind.
Their arcane investigations cause all sorts of mysteries. Ever wonder about the Loch Ness Monster? The "cattle mutilations?" DITHF?
And they require hundreds of Freeper victims every year for their experiments. Ever wonder why there are so many Banned Freeper reports, and why so few of those people are found?
They are constantly experimenting with new types of mind control. They put drugs in drinking water, flash subliminal messages on threads, and play instructions that you can't quite hear over supermarket loudspeakers. They experiment with microwaves and ultra-low-frequency devices, too. But the most nefarious of all is "Freep this Poll". Are you manipulating the polls, or are the polls being used to manipulate you? Hurry, the liberals are flooding this one!
And every thread on Free Republic is a potential path for Moderator messages, attacks or controlling rays. Did you ever stop to think just how many threads you read? And do you have any idea where they really come from?
Naturally, they discourage investigation of the strange and unusual, because it might lead to them. But they encourage people to joke about the Moderators.
They also post supermarket tabloids, just to make sure that everybody thinks "Hitler's Brain Is Alive!" and "Bigfoot Seen In Hawaii" are just jokes.
And they encourage the craziest pseudo-science "researcher" articles they can find, because this tends to discredit legitimate investigators into the unusual.
A popular belief is that the Moderators want power for its own sake. This is true of some of them. But other Moderators exist to support an ideology, to achieve a particular goal, or simply to oppose some other Moderators.
One of their chief preoccupations is job security by any means possible. Nobody who has held ultimate power for all these years is eager to let it go. Anything you can think of ... yoga, cryonics, body-exchange, magic, cloning, goat (or other) glands, transfusions, computerized personality duplication ... has been tried by the Moderators at one time or another. And some of them work.
Furthermore, powerful Moderators from past centuries lie waiting to be revived when science allows it. Mummies, pickled corpses, frozen bodies, conscious brains in jars ... you would recognize the names if we could mention them.
You're not cleared for this one.
They use propaganda as a weapon to discipline their own populations or destroy competing ones.
They have a variety of unhuman and inhuman servants. The dreaded Thread Nannies are perhaps their best-known agents. No one knows whether the TNs are androids, golems, or something even worse. Perhaps they were once human...
And they really are breeding a Master Race. The Trolls had no idea how they were being used, or why. And they'd be horrified at the Moderators' idea of perfection.
The Moderators know weird sexual techniques undreamed of in the Kama Sutra. They also know why those techniques are used.
The next time you spend too much time reading something you didn't want to or need to, and you forget it in an hour, you can be sure you've just contributed to an Moderator time-wasting experiment.
They start chain letters. They also plant rumors that the Red Cross can buy an iron lung if you send them a million cigarette packages, and that dying children in England want ten million business cards. No one knows why they do this. Except Ted Nugent.
So how the the Admin Mods make Rubio do what he did?
Is this a new Snowden revelation!?
Restore Iching!!!!!!!!! Free Iching!!!!!
Snowden...is that you? Wiki comes to FR?
I Stand With The Nuge; against the Mods when need be, LOL!
I love this piece. You can substitute any ‘Overlord’ that’s annoying you and it works just fine! :)
Scratch the IChing.
Snowden was forced to run after learning the names of the moderators...
Just for the record the N-JCT Ping list is not one of these cliques.
Nut-job Conspiracy Theory Ping!
To get onto The Nut-job Conspiracy Theory Ping List you must threaten to report me to the Mods if I dont add you to the list...
...and I’m not a member of the Mod Squad...
"..you buckin for a Mod Job?"
FR is hiding the 12th Madi from Iran.
A moderator ate my baby.
Heh-heh! They hired me and gave me my moniker.
It could happen to any of us.
Hey...I've been here over 10 years.
Nobody's ever tried to recruit me. :(
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Post their pictures and addresses.
He’s not dead, He was just waiting for a Supreme Court decision on Prop 8 before...
Be right back, there’s a knock at the door.
Don’t go near the mens room and you’ll be fine.
Everything in moderation.
I’m on good terms ith all our overlords - er, I mean our FR moderators.
They gladly pass on my every devious comment to the NSA before they delete it and place me in time-out again.
What a great bunch of guys!
Was this a “must read”?
Hey! Where’s my secret decoder ring! You promised me a secret Decoder ring! (WAAAAAAhhhh!)
Or maybe it was one of the other moderators, I’m not sure any more.... Hey! Squirrel!
A moderator ate my baby.
No, that was Lazamataz. Back in his baby eating days.
Would you ask them to please stop practicing outside my window? The video cams in the vents and microphones in the lamps are bad enough, but all of this flashing and crashing is very distracting!
But I have to pee.
Laz had no choice. His utter lack of reloading skills left him unable to provide ammo for his weapon.
It was that or starve.
I tried to teach him, but he denied my mad SkIlLz....word.
I hit the abuse button but it just keeps taking me back to this thread.
Well.... some people are into that so you might be real popular!
Including the Venus Butterfly.
I KNEW it!
You never found the decoder ring in a box of Cracker Jacks. You've been buying wrong.
I that you??
Domo for the Ping.
Darks- For consideration. . .
I am a stealth Moderator.
See post 6
If a Mod threatens you over this thread I’ve heard some can be bought off with pecan pie and vanilla ice cream.
I bet they’re responsible for the ammo shortage too.
Just so ya know what really is happening at those times!
Thanx for the excerpt.
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