13 Tips for Landing a Wife (in the 19th Century)

Mental Floss ^ | May 13, 2014 | Therese Oneill

[Slings and Arrows]

The advice books written around the turn of the 20th century to teach women to make men happy are plentiful. Advice books in the same vein for men are rare.

But in 1883, a Methodist minister named George W. Hudson wrote one such "advice for men" book—The Marriage Guide for Young Men: A Manual of Courtship and Marriage. It was self-published, perhaps due to perceived lack of interest in marriage manuals for men. Or maybe because traditional publishers couldn’t handle all the hard-core truth the Reverend was going to throw down.

[Slings and Arrows]

Learn, guys.

[Please do NOT post the entire article - Many Getty images.]

[Slings and Arrows]

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[Berlin_Freeper]

Keep her nose up.

[thecodont]

Keep her nose up.

And her flaps down. :)

[crazyhorse691]

I have this book! I went to an estate sale and the book was in a box under the front steps. The relatives gave me the box for free. I glanced at the book once and cataloged it. It was quaint...at least to a newly married man.

[Slings and Arrows]

You don’t want her to roll, pitch, and yaw? ;^)

[cynwoody]

[Please do NOT post the entire article - Many Getty images.]

Reportedly, the world's largest photo service just made its pictures free to use (by Russell Brandom on March 5, 2014 05:59 pm).

[fieldmarshaldj]

They have a surgery for that, in case her flaps get too flappy.

[Slings and Arrows]

Looks like you’ve got a piece of history there.

[Slings and Arrows]

That’s interesting, because we’ve had copyright issues with Getty. Thank you for the link.

[Jim, John - Please see the link at post #7.]

[crazyhorse691]

I have about 150 books from that time period. I have sold a few off over the years that paid more than I paid for my entire collection.

[RichInOC]

Okay, where exactly does the pilot sit when he’s landing his wife? And what’s he using for the controls?

Re #6, of course she has a mental picture that does justice to that sentence. It’s simply that what has been seen by the mind's eye can never, ever be unseen.

And my dad, may the Lord rest his soul, told me there are three kinds of women. Bad girls won’t let you do it. Good girls will let you do it. And nice girls will help you do it.

[nathanbedford]

Photograph #7 is not a picture of a husband and wife but of cadet Douglas McArthur and his mother taken at West Point.

[Lmo56]

In the 21st century, some guys post personal ads for women with bass boats - and ask them for pictures of the boats, not the women ...

[Slings and Arrows]

I’m glad I stimulated your imagination.

[cynwoody]

Sorry. False alarm!

Upon actually reading the link, they impose rather unrealistic requirements upon would-be image embedders.

IOW, to comply, it's not just a simple matter of

<img src="http://d2v0gs5b86mjil.cloudfront.net/xc/476410957.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF8789215ABF3343C02EA5483B0E156167E65053DE1AE4C21B1C1BAF9377B3BB65F2F585&Expires=1400115600&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJZZHJ4LGWQENK3OQ&Signature=DsdxB8zW3SW5zIbZsypvss9bn3FWHgwQDi6nb-fSdJF2ro15Ph9XEkYfzl6WFbBYYkk9Zeeh9xDSEuvd1wBnWyTaQtkvfAXWD-gb6FAqYIlIR4CsuUL-r8imm3hWlvTDxgFpFj-3ARveB5oyiYszlqdTftJ2ejBKHTKhGw7l9ukhdrnzAG3UePuekc7XtUudFhZhiQoNvmhXslmLKHEdNwxnRG6d7DaI417S3xiRydJCsPIx1NKcJ2vh9K2oTq4CoTh8yE6wAd0kX9XmSlnyoJeGQcjDgOnPrXP48KoXs5fdHXdEWVu4ZcFkGOZgd1tXH7nBeVKuoEK7DoXGtJC7Nw__">,

which is already an order of magnitude or two past the usual case. Alas, it's more like:

<div style="background-color:#fff;display:inline-block;font-family:'Helvetica Neue',Arial,sans-serif;color:#a7a7a7;font-size:11px;">
<iframe src="//embed.gettyimages.com/embed/476410957?et=PM8T1KseQVdIMe0BAkIs_A&sig=dLEdd4keeJ87AIC5rBJAEvrPGGzCJxksrdiaLHuory4=" width="528" height="643" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="display:inline-block;"></iframe>
<p style="margin:0;"></p>
<div style="padding:0;margin:-6px 0 4px 10px;text-align:left;">
<a href="http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/476410957" target="_blank" style="color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;">#476410957</a> / <a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank" style="color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;">gettyimages.com</a>
      </div>
    </div>

which contains an embedded IFRAME, among other complexities.

But of course, Angelina is all over the web, anyway. Good luck with that, Getty!

[Slings and Arrows]

Not so easy to stuff the genie back in the bottle, you betcha.

[Eagles6]

Just in time then.

[tumblindice]

Dug-out Doug’s Mother was the original ‘helicopter’ Mom.

[BobL]

It’s not “landing a wife” it’s landing one that isn’t in the game to take your kids and your money when she feels it’s the right time.

So that eliminates American women. But there are plenty more around the world, coming from cultures that look at divorce as something to be ashamed of, as opposed to a BADGE OF HONOR. The problem is that if you marry someone whose friends and family yells DIVORCE HIM at the first hint of trouble (again, an American), the wife will be pressured to do so...and knowing that she gets the goodies helps push her that way in any case.