Posted on 07/13/2022 12:38:30 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
PROVIDENCE, RI — According to the results of a new study conducted by Brown University, exactly 100% of work meetings ever held in all of human history, across all industries and sectors, have been entirely unnecessary.
Researchers followed careful criteria while observing real-life business meetings to understand what constitutes a successful meeting. Successful meetings, they said, would qualify as a valid use of time. Researchers took detailed notes on employee engagement, follow through on meeting action plans, and whether or not meetings were actually about something. In all meetings observed, none met the criteria of a successful meeting and were thus deemed a complete waste of time.
"My team sat in on over 3,000 meetings. All of them met with disaster," said Dr. Ansul Sundilhop. "I, myself, once witnessed a meeting in which the person who called the meeting had no idea he had done so. Employees sat quietly for twenty minutes waiting for someone to speak before giving up and returning to their workstations."
"The amount of data we've put together from this study has been astronomical. I really hope it'll help businesses improve their efficiency and work relationships," he added.
Highlights from the study include:
- Over 83% of meetings end with employees confused about who does what.
- 45% of meetings feature a sleeping employee.
- Employees invited to mandatory work meetings are 91% more likely to experience suicidal thoughts.
- Over half of all meetings are put together so that one ambitious employee can show off to their boss that they can run a meeting.
According to sources, business leaders have taken the results of the study to heart and are currently holding meetings to brainstorm alternatives to meetings.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
I am now retired—but back in the day I had someone sitting next to me at every meeting—their job—to kick me if I fell asleep!
“My team sat in on over 3,000 meetings. All of them met with disaster,” said Dr. Ansul Sundilhop. “I, myself, once witnessed a meeting in which the person who called the meeting had no idea he had done so. Employees sat quietly for twenty minutes waiting for someone to speak before giving up and returning to their workstations.”
LMFAO. Funny because this is closer to the truth in corporate America than it is satire.
AMEN!
Let’s have a meeting later.
I’ll bring charts and PowerPoint presentations.
Then we’ll do lunch.
25 years in Corp America, International Corps. Fully agree 80% of meetings could be an email summary.
I thought that The Bee was supposed to be satirical.
Should we have a pre-meeting first to plan the meeting?
In more than one meeting I’ve made the comment, “Let’s stop meeting and start managing.” It’s overwhelmingly well received.
I remember a meeting at my job where the boss started it with, “All right. The decision’s already been made. I just want to know your opinions about it.”
To which I replied, “Why are we here, then? If our opinions made no difference, wouldn’t this meeting be a colossal waste of time?”
Pissed him off big time, but I was the hero of that room that day.
i thought the BEE was satire?
The part I hate most about meetings is the time it takes just to prepare materials for the meeting. Every 30 minute meeting is on average an hour and a half of wasted productivity.
I think that’s an excellent idea!!
👍👍
Yes
I know this article is satire but there is a lot of truth behind it. A previous company I worked for had daily meetings for two hours (sometimes three). The managers would talk and talk and then finally decide to meet again the next day.
No one would actually make a decision except to meet again. It was a total waste of time but the CEO didn’t seem to care. I would just shrug my shoulders and go through the motions.
I’m sure the federal and state governments are the same way.
I know this is BB, but they are 100% right with this article. Besides the coffee and pastries, the other most important thing about any meeting was scheduling the next meeting.
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