9 Clear Signs Your Husband Is Mad At You

The Babylon Bee ^ | August 15, 2022 | The Babylon Bee

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

We at The Babylon Bee want to help de-code common marital communications between the spouses, whether it's helping husbands know whether their wives are mad at them or helping wives to understand the mixed signals, coded messages, and confounding double-speak from the complicated creatures known as "husbands"!

Here are 9 clear signs your husband is mad at you.

1. He hasn't called you in over 10 minutes: Classic silent treatment.
2. He hasn't done yardwork in ages: Either he knows your favorite shrub needs water and is trying to kill it out of spite, or he doesn't know, which means he doesn't care – even worse!
3. He's always doing yardwork: Another classic "tell" that he doesn't want to spend time with you.
4. He says "I love you": But there doesn't seem to be much passion behind it because he's probably just saying it because he's supposed to because he's clearly furious at you.
5. He's making that face like he's thinking about something but when you ask what he's thinking about he just says "Pancakes": Nice try, buddy! Who looks off into the distance and thinks about nothing but pancakes?! He must be thinking about other women.
6. He goes to the bathroom: It's like he wants to be alone for a few minutes. You definitely did something to tick him off.
7. You text him asking him to do something and he replies "ok": No exclamation point? No smiley face? Your marriage might be over.
8. He's nice to a waitress: Anything less than barked orders and brusque dismissals is flirtation – a slow fade into a full-blown affair with the Applebee's server.

[Gen.Blather]

My former Marine buddy put an air conditioner in his tiny garden shed. I asked why, since there is plenty of room in his house for most projects. He said, “When Ali is on a tear about something, I go out and sand something.” I said, “What?” He said, “anything.”

[DannyTN]

How about #1 He says I’m mad and you and explains why in hopes you won’t do it again.

[TopDog2]

Lies to you. Tells you that you don’t look fat in that dress.

[Seruzawa]

2 and 3 together are perfect.

[Pollard]

He says "I love you": But there doesn't seem to be much passion behind it because he's probably just saying it because he's supposed to because he's clearly furious at you.

My wife would call me from her cell phone and phone calls always had to end with I love you. Problem is, she might call four times in an hour.

[KarlInOhio]

He's making that face like he's thinking about something but when you ask what he's thinking about he just says "Pancakes": Nice try, buddy! Who looks off into the distance and thinks about nothing but pancakes?! He must be thinking about other women.

It could be worse. He might be thinking about pancakes and sausages.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

He's nice to a waitress: Anything less than barked orders and brusque dismissals is flirtation – a slow fade into a full-blown affair with the Applebee's server.

Funny, my mom told me that you should always look at how a man treats the servers. If he is polite and kind to them he will probably be polite and kind to you.

So a guy who was impolite to the waitress would never get a second date from me.

[usconservative]

He's always doing yardwork: Another classic "tell" that he doesn't want to spend time with you.

That one usually worked for me.. that or be in the garage working on my Monte Carlo SS while having a cigar and a few beers.

[9YearLurker]

Ha!

[9YearLurker]

Of course, this is the BB and a joke, because little annoys a woman more than a guy working hard to flirt with the waitress.

And yes some guys do that, as if provoking a supposed return flirtation from the waitress, who just wants a good tip, proves the dude’s appeal to women. Likewise, some women overreact as if the dude is flirting when he’s simply being nice.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

A few years after we were married I found a bartender trying to flirt with my husband.

I say it that way because despite everything she was doing it was clearly going over his dear, oblivious head without even ruffling his hair.

I walked up and put my hand on his arm with my wedding ring clearly on display.

Bartender went into professional mode.

When I later teased him about it he said, "who?"

I explained and he got a confused look on his face, "But, I'm married!"

In his mind she could have only been being polite because anything else was unthinkable.

I did leave her a nice tip.

Can't fault her taste. :)

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

I remember, when I was driving, my wife saying “You’re mad at me aren’t you!
Me: No I am not mad.
She: Well you are not talking to me!
Me: No, I am watching out for the traffic!
she: Well you are sure not talking!
Me: I don’t have anything to say.
(Then she really gets mad.)

[Redcitizen]

Your husband deserves a nice reward! 👍

[21twelve]

The inverse of that is:

He: How come you’re mad?
She: It’s obvious!
He: What?
She: Well, if you don’t know I’m not saying.
He: (silence)
She: If you don’t know what you did wrong I’m not telling you. I can’t believe you sometimes!! All wrapped up in your own little world and never thinking about anybody else, much less me. You can see that I’m mad and you don’t have the slightest idea why!! You could care less. You never listen to anything I say and that really hurts me. You .....

[Redcitizen]

A no win situation. 🤔. Nothing to do but turn up Steppenwolf “ born to be wild. 😁.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

He gets them. :)

[Kadric]

Could have been worse. One girl I dated would talk endlessly while I was driving. Then come up with “You’re not listening to me.”. At which point I repeated want she had said. Passed her office time.

[OldMissileer]

A few years after we were married I found a bartender trying to flirt with my husband. I say it that way because despite everything she was doing it was clearly going over his dear, oblivious head without even ruffling his hair.

I was married when I went to college and ROTC. I was older than all but two cadets because I was prior Enlisted. Anyway, some females coming into the Detachment were there to get their Mrs. degree rather than a Commission and one of them tried to do everything in her power to seduce me and take me away from my wife. I always played dumb and oblivious because it deflected her attention and didn't cause a stir within the Cadet Corps. She even tried to flirt with me in front of my wife (my wife was an E5 and stationed at a Bomb Wing a couple hours away while I finished college). My wife would laugh at it because she knew full well I was ignoring the poor girl.

I was never oblivious, I just acted dumb to keep the peace and make the young girl think I was too dull to notice her.

By the way, that girl snagged some other younger schmuck and left college entirely when he earned his Commission. Never heard of them again.

[DCBryan1]

#10...comes home late smelling like bubblegum, cigarettes’, and covered in glitter.