'You must within 2 days minimum': Insane neighbor demands woman remove fake plants from her porch in bizarre viral letter

CHEEZburger ^ | October 31, 2022 | bradpdickson

[gitmo]

It's one thing to send your neighbor a completely insane rambling letter demanding that they cease something that you don't want them to do. That alone takes a certain level of unhinged manicism. When that letter is written so poorly that parts of it are almost incomprehensible, it takes the whole thing to another level. It's kind of like getting into an argument on the internet; if you're unable to adequately and accurately express yourself, you will be torn apart based on that alone.

Why on earth is this neighbor so riled up in the first place? I wouldn't consider myself to be a member of the “Fake Plants Fan Club" —let's be honest, they can look incredibly tacky — but I can't imagine getting this worked up about a fake plant on someone else's doorstep, especially since this offending “plant” was natural enough that the upset neighbor didn't even initially notice.

Keep reading to see the entirety of this lovely note; A transcription along with screenshots, photos, and the internet's reactions are below.

SNIP

[gitmo]

Who needs neighbors like this?

[Red Badger]

HOA?.....................

[Governor Dinwiddie]

Karen: "I want to speak with the manager!"

[lee martell]

What are ‘constitencies’?
That’s an example of somebody trying to use big formal terms in order to sound smart and important.
That same somebody has too much idle time on their hands.

[Ken H]

[Dr. Sivana]

Wow:

IF you chose to not correspond, there might be an official action taken that will include the police called to write an lawsuit, or the flowery being removed and discarded of quite immediately.

Well, there is so much bad in here, I do not know where to begin. I wish I could get the police to write "an" lawsuit for me. BTW, what would a "not quite immediately" curtail? Is that when the leopard lies in wait and waits a minute before quickly pouncing?

[Sacajaweau]

i’d go buy more.........

[decal]

“Who needs neighbors like this?”

Someone not within driving distance of a rifle range.

[Governor Dinwiddie]

This letter is definitely written in Chinglish.

[nwrep]

The abominable English is illustrative of the general decline in standards and genetic characteristics in this country.

[HollyB]

The comments were funny

[bgill]

I think it’s related somehow to unicorn farts.

Hey, that’s the ticket. Tell Mrs. Kravitz unicorns love fake flowers.

[AnotherUnixGeek]

Neighbors from hell - the nightmare of any home owner.

[1Old Pro]

That woman appears to have a potted plant on her head.

[ComputerGuy]

I would have to forcefully respond to any and all attempts to remove my flowery.

[IC Ken]

You need to invest in 6 or 7 HUGE fake palm trees.

[LeoTDB69]

Dear Neighbor,

I am not able to accept your correspondence as it was sent on an improper paper stock that is known to cause health concerns. Please cease and desist writing me until you can acquire some proper paper stock. You are jeopardizing my health with your artificial and chemically treated product.

[Col Frank Slade]

Imagine the local police that have to deal with these kinds morons everyday..

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

I think she's related to the guy on the right:

[SunkenCiv]

‘You must within 2 days minimum’ — IOW, no maximum. She can comply by doing absolutely nothing.