Posted on 11/27/2012 9:00:34 AM PST by Gamecock
BROKEN ARROW, Okla. — Kerrie Jameson is confident she is going to heaven. What scares her is the possibility that she’ll show up 30 pounds overweight and stay that way forever.
“I work a desk job, and my physique reflects that,” says Jameson, 28, who used to work out daily but has fallen into bad eating habits. “I have this horrible image of myself standing before the throne looking like a lumpy sack of flour. Everyone else will be worshiping, and I’ll be slinking off to a corner to eat chocolate and console myself.”
The idea of being fat in heaven first occurred to her during a sermon on Jesus’ nail-scarred hands and feet. Jameson realized that some earthly attributes, including physical characteristics, follow us to the next life.
“Jesus still has wounds on his body,” Jameson says. “Doesn’t that tell us something? What if I die before I get my weight down? Will I be stuck like this always? Will I have to diet in heaven?”
Concerned, she brought it up at a recent women’s retreat, sparking a vigorous discussion during the afternoon meeting. Jameson said she dreaded the prospect of “wearing a plus-size robe for eternity” and was searching for any biblical evidence that people in heaven will have bodies that “represent their perfect selves.”
Her secret hope, applauded by many of the women, was that when she walks through the pearly gates the weight will “disappear” to be remembered no more.
“If overeating is a sin, and the effects of sin are completely wiped away in heaven, then people with weight issues should be in the clear,” she said.
Brianna Worthington, 27, a mom who is in marathon shape, openly disagreed.
“I haven’t worked this hard on my body only to have it taken away once I die,” she said to scattered boos. “Don’t our works follow us? Don’t we get rewarded for what we’ve done down here? Do I get nothing for keeping my temple in shape?”
She said it felt “unfair” that every saint would look instantly perfect in heaven, but she also didn’t want heaven to look like “every mall in the U.S. where half the people are so big they have a hard time moving around.”
Jenny, a substantially overweight church member who says she carries around enough extra pounds “to form another small human,” said she believed people in heaven will look almost exactly like they do here — and that “weight diversity” makes life interesting. She cited instances from the Bible where people appeared in their post-death forms and were still recognizable: the prophet Samuel, Moses, Elijah and, of course, Jesus himself.
“Some people are built fat and happy, and that makes the world fun,” said the longtime church organist. “I don’t want a heaven where everyone looks like a cover model.”
She said she looks forward to “zooming around heaven in a big, impressive body.”
Other women expressed concern about physical attributes such as tattoos and breast implants. There was a rough consensus that foreign substances like ink and silicone probably would not make the translation, but the verdict was out on plastic surgery and obesity.
Jameson found little comfort in the discussion and is starting a “salad and cucumbers” diet upon returning home. She prays God will give her enough time to hit her weight goal before exiting this life.
“Everything right now is about making sure I reach my preferred dress size in case I die suddenly,” she says. “I’m driving a lot more carefully now.” •
There was one Union in Heaven once, The shop stewards name was Lucifer. The Union hall is now called Hell’s Gate.
You stay fat, but gravity is 1/6th that of earth.
Wonder what Aunt Baby looks like in heaven?
My neighbors wife is spoiled rotten. Spends like a drunken lotto winner.
Her husband tells me for her birthday she wants something that goes from 0-200 fast, and didn’t care what color it was.
I suggested he buy her a bathroom scale.
No, hell will be an eternity of watching the Raiders with JaMarcus Russell at QB.
I actually fell for this one:
Hubby was gassing up the car in Linn Co, IA.
Woman stops and asks him for directions “How do I get to 380?”
Hubby replies: “Have you considered Weight Watchers?”
LOL. Fat, old, ugly and bald in Heaven. With bad arthritis and half senile. What a way to go through eternity!
That’s pretty good...but, many a truth is said in jest. Grannies beware ;)
When I was a little child I thought that in heaven one could eat pancakes and go to the movies, those were the 2 main things I wanted to do more of.
This was when I was about 5 years old. I am now pretty sure that whatever heaven is like it will not involve movies, pancakes, chocolate or low self-esteem.
I call purgatory Heaven’s “washer machine”. The remaining dirt and smell gets washed away.
(BTW she was also very religious.)
On the other hand, you could say the the woman quoted in the article actually has more faith in the reality of heaven than many people who would laugh at her earthly concerns.
How many church-going women do you think you would have to ask before you found one who really was concerned about this?
“We will have no need for earthly bodies in heaven.”
There will be a resurrection. That involves the raising of our bodies, restored.
Romans 6:5
“For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his.”
1st Cor 15:13
“If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised.”
1st Cor 15:32
“So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable;”
1st Cor 15:51-53
“Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.”
I’m a guy.
Do I get a new “you know what” in heaven?
We’ll be like Jesus; he isn’t overweight. As he is, so are we IN THIS WORLD (quit agonizing about the world’s idea of what you ought to look like; we’re okay). - When I was young, if you didn’t look like Farah Fawcett or Jane Fonda, you simply didn’t LOOK. - Now the “style” has changed, and will change again next week . . . . Pooey on it!
Maybe we need a Vatican III to decide this most important of issues.
LOL! I don't believe in Purgatory per se, but the mental picture of an archangel coach is funny. We're supposed to don new and perfect bodies when we get to Heaven - I would imagine that, fat or not, we won't have any complaints...
If a baby dies in child birth does it spend eternity in heaven a tiny thing unable to do anything for itself?
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