Posted on 04/18/2008 7:38:55 AM PDT by Gopher Broke
The Guys' Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear ' the rules' From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon Or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Sorry, guys are never lost.
We are where we are.
Sometimes the place we were supposed to go to gets lost, but I don’t see how that’s our problem.
Generally, things that get lost turn up eventually.
If you are a woman, and you are in a car with a man, and you want to get somewhere quickly, then learn to read a map. We love driving, so why should we stop and ask someone where they think we should be driving to?
As for the toilet seat, the woman has to make a choice — would she rather deal with falling into the toilet because she forgot to check if it was down? Or would she rather deal with cleaning up the mess because she put the lid down and the man got up in the middle of the night and decided it was too much bother to turn on the light. Your choice.
and one rule that was extremely important and needs to be stated again: If you DO NOT WANT IT FIXED, DO NOT MENTION THAT IT IS BROKEN. Men can live for years with the indirect knowledge that things are not working, but once we are directly confronted with a problem, we really have no choice but to fix it, that’s how we are made. So if your conversation is going to start with “now I just want you to empathize with me here”, that’s probably where the conversation should end as well.
:-)
Regarding the woman’s list — I couldn’t get past the 1st entry. If you are sitting home alone on a Saturday night and you wanted to be at a party, it seems counterproductive to make a rule that ensures that no man is going to ask you out to that party.
Generally men have little idea what they are going to DO on a saturday until saturday actually arrives. If you find a man who is on the ball enough to ask you out on friday, hold onto them.
:-)
I was merely making jokes and being sarcastic with my pals....
You need to get a grip...
Get our attention before speaking!
I love my wife dearly, but she does one thing that drives me crazy. I will be watching TV, and she will start talking to me. I know I will not be able to focus on what she is saying, so I pause the show (we have Tivo), so I can give her my undivided attention, and aske her to start over. Instead of appreciating the fact that I will stop what I am doing in order to listen to her, she gets mad at me and tells me, "never mind, just watch your show!"
My girl friends and I refuse to watch anything on the Lifetime, Hallmark, or Oxygen channels (or, as we put it, abused women, sad women, and angry women channels)... our tastes run more along the lines of movies with spaceships and explosions and violence and hot guys running around in the middle of it all. Occasionally, we will watch a ‘chick flick’, but our chick-flick repertoire is limited to The Princess Bride, Chocolat, Stardust, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Moulin Rouge. Anything else is classified as ‘ew, too girly’.
I posted this on the “Girls’ Rules” thread:
Here are my political-related rules that I wish certain men (emphasis on “certain”) would listen to:
1. Don’t paint all women with the same brush.
2. Quit calling us natural socialists. Most of us work and pay taxes. Some of us own businesses. Some of us hate socialism even more than you do.
3. Don’t blame us for abortion. Blame the male Supreme Court justices who legalized it, the male-dominated MSM members who promote it, and the male-dominated field of abortion doctors who do it.
4. If you’re not responsible for the sins of Slick Willy, we’re not responsible for the sins of Her Thighness.
5. There are actual women (gasp) who like guns.
6. Knock it off with the “Repeal the 19th Amendment” crap. It’s never going to happen, and even if it did happen, women would still be voting in every state because every state would vote to keep it legal, as would be their privilege under the 10th Amendment. You do support states’ rights, don’t you?
7. Your ex-wife may have been very mean and nasty to you. I’m sincerely sorry if that is the case. However, I’m not her. Please don’t get mad at me because of what she did.
8. I will wear the abaya or burqa when someone puts one on my cold dead body.
Lets just say that that part was 24” and purple. A big hit at bridal showers I hear.
And I was late to the party so it was like “Here-— try this!” and “Look at what this does!” by the other ladies.
And yeah, the sweetie pie looked like a more voluptuous Kristie Yamaguchi. Seriously if a man was there, he would have had a heart attack.
I can't stand that either. One clerk at the local grocery store usually asks: "Is that all you need today"?
One day when I was in a half bad mood, she asked that at the checkout and I told her "No I need one of everything in the store, but my pickup isn't big enough to haul it all home". She had the "deer in the headlight" look.
I liked The Princess Bride. One of the best swordfights in modern cinema was in it. My wife dragged me to Chocolat...while I wouldn't put it up in the caliber of cinema as 'Animal House' and 'The Magnificent Seven'....it wasn't a bad flick. Can't speak to the rest of them.
Mrs WBill tries. She does. Really. But her movie tastes run to artsy stuff with subtitles. She took me to some Art Film screening at the university a while back. I said "This is going to be junk. Buncha lousy subtitled movies about homosexuals discussing their feelings."
She said "No no no. Nothing at all like that. Not at all."
The First Movie Screened? Buncha German Lesbians discussing the conflicts that they feel within themselves. And it had subtitles.
I stand vindicated.
I'm waiting for them to offer to take some back....hasn't happened yet.
It was for ring toss.
We have realistic expectations. :)
You know that I have to ping you whenever this missive is posted!
One day Eaker...You know she will eventually get even with you! ;~D
LOL!
She is also likely to have an even bigger list of rules for you.
Can’t disagree with anything in that Guide!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.