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Former Secretary of State and current candidate for president Hillary Clinton bemoaned "the erosion of people's faith in government" and alleged that "it undermines the ability of those of us who are trying to lead." Clinton brushed aside widely perceived impressions that government has done a bad job by pointing out the early history of Christianity's failures. "Jesus' performance compares quite unfavorably with what modern government has been able to deliver," she said. "His people—the Christians—faced centuries of persecution. They were crucified. They were torn apart and devoured by wild animals for the amusement of spectators in the arenas of...

In a speech in Puerto Rico, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush (R) told the audience that "I am a Latino trapped inside an Anglo body." Bush lamented that "there is no ethnic reassignment protocol like there is gender reassignment therapy for a woman trapped inside a man's body. Nevertheless, I feel as if I am an illegal immigrant and want to do what I can to secure the rights of all my compatriots to enjoy the fruits of US citizenship." if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at... http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,169629.0.html

Ian Reisner, one of the two gay hoteliers who invited presidential candidate Senator Ted Cruz (R-Tex) to speak at a private party, has, after threats from the gay lobby to destroy his business, apologized for his "insensitivity." "I had mistakenly believed that my sexual orientation was not the sum total of who I am," Reisner said. "I had delusions that I could entertain other beliefs about politics that had nothing to do with gay rights. But I have been told that listening to Senator Cruz is akin to listening to Satan. It cannot be permitted. It can only lead me...

Admitting that he's feeling some frustration over possible Congressional interference with the agreement with Iran that he's been working on for most of this year, Secretary of State John Kerry avowed that "it would be a lot easier if we had our own Ayatollah—someone whose say so was the final word." "It's an uneven playing field," Kerry complained. "Iran's supreme leader can just issue an edict and everyone in the Iranian government has to go along. President Obama doesn't have this luxury. He can issue an edict, but still has to put up with the possibility that Congress will tamper...

Some fun relevant facts: Maryland's unemployment rate is ~ 5.5% Baltimore unemployment rate is ~ 8.2 % Baltimore unemployment rate for young black men is ~ 37% %Source CNN Money Maryland's minimum wage is $8.25 per hour Baltimore's minimum (called ‘living’) wage is much higher : ~ $11.50 per hour.source baltimorebrew .com Yep, almost $12 per hour. Recall how we are lectured that outlawing these low paying entry level jobs will create better paying jobs, because they all get a raise which they spend. Yep, no HS degree, no work experience, probably an arrest record (try looting businesses) . Sure...

9-year old boy expelled from school because he said he "didn't like Obama" April 29, 2015 Freedom of speech breached? 9 year old boy expelled from his school for anti-Obama remark. 9 year old Jacob Wheeler attending Rosa Parks elemenary school in Los Angeles, California, was asked to leave the school and "never come back" after he made some comments that the teacher did not approve of during a history lesson. The lesson, which centered around US presidents since the 18th century along with the current political landscape, was derailed when young Jacob raised his hand and said he "didn't...

What do we all know about every single politician? That they are corrupt. I know, every once in awhile we come across one that we feel good about. But then we do background research and find this or that, and we shrug and say, “yeah, well, politics is a dirty business, you’ve got to take the best you can get.” And it’s true, politics IS a dirty business. You need money and influence to run and get elected, and money and influence aren’t free. Specifically, they want payback, and lots of it. So principled politicians try to show that their...

Cleveland City Council President Kevin Kelley (D) urged fellow council members to pass a sweeping gun-control ordinance despite doubts that it would be effective or enforceable. “Will this measure stop gun violence?” Kelley asked. “Probably not, but it is important that we pass it as a reflection of our values.” A key provision of the new ordinance is that it prohibits carrying a concealed deadly weapon or handgun, unless the person is a police officer or a bonafide criminal. Kelley conceded that “this provision might seem paradoxical, but we feel it greatly simplifies and clarifies the situation. If you are...

The Baltimore woman who took action when she saw her son hanging out with violent demonstrators Monday, is now facing charges for her brutal treatment of her son. The woman identified as the boy's mother, was watching television when she saw her son throwing rocks at police. She went to find him in the crowd and the confrontation turned physical. The woman was caught on camera grabbing the boy and smacking him in the face. "Are you kidding me?" she's heard saying. The station did not identify her by name. Apparently authorities in Baltimore are not kidding, as a warrant...

Contending that modern automobiles contain computer programs that entail trade secrets and are too complex to be touched by do-it-yourself car buffs, the General Motors Corporation is urging the government to make unauthorized auto repair illegal. It won’t take an Act of Congress to accomplish this objective. A mere reinterpretation of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) would do the trick. GM spokesman Lee Hunsacker asserted that “letting just anyone look under the hood is archaic in our day and age. What if they mess something up? The victims of any subsequent crashes will sue us. We are the deep-pocket...

The American Civil Liberties Union has filed suit demanding that religious organizations be compelled to provide abortions and contraception to illegal immigrants. “Whether to bear a child or not is a woman’s right under our laws,” said ACLU staff attorney Brigitte Amiri. “No religious organization has the authority to infringe on this right. For Catholic aid organizations to refuse to pay for birth control and abortions is an infringement. Forcing a woman to bear an unwanted child is, as President Obama has said, cruel and unusual punishment. It is unconstitutional and cannot be allowed.” “Rules derived from a mythical being...

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen acknowledged that the number of employees assigned to assist taxpayers understand and file tax returns for 2014 was “less than it could’ve been.” Statistics bear out his assessment. It is estimated than less than half of those who phoned the IRS to ask for help actually got through. And of those who did many waited on hold for more than 30 minutes before speaking to an IRS agent. Koskinen defended the shortage of taxpayer help, saying that “we had higher priorities. For one, we had to implement the penalty enforcement phase of the Affordable Care Act....

WASHINGTON — David Petraeus has been reinstated as CIA Director and given $2.2 million in backpay following new legislation that decriminalizes the leak of top secret information, as long as it is done by people who have deep political connections or fame. Congress unanimously passed legislation on Friday that takes into account a convicted person’s sociopolitical rank before passing sentence on a convicted criminal, particularly when it comes to matters of national security. In this controversial bill, lawmakers standardized the long-standing practice of allowing high-ranking political and military figures to break the law without any fear of the consequences, which...

Speaking Tuesday at the 45th Annual Washington Conference of the Council of the Americas, Secretary of State John Kerry blamed the Obama Administration's critics for undermining the country's economy. "Countries are far more likely to advance economically and socially when citizens have faith in their governments and are able to rely on them for justice and equal treatment under the law," Kerry maintained. "Yet, day-after-day President Obama faces a raft of criticism of his policies from the likes of Senator Cruz, Governor Walker, and others. These criticisms are destroying people's faith in the government." Kerry cited a recent Pew Research...

A new slew of allegations has emerged implying that the Clinton Foundation may have accepted bribes in exchange for Hillary to use her Secretary of State status to influence government policy. An example of possible influence peddling was her support for Russia's acquisition of a major stake in American uranium mining. "It looks like she violated the law, and the idea that she was going to use her own server and do official business on it goes against every transparency issue that the President likes to tout," House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) observed. "She should turn that server and all...

CHAPPAQUA, NEW YORK – More proof of Hillary Clinton's compulsive presidential aspirations was revealed today by a former aide, Tyrone Gibson, who stepped forward to confirm the existence of a realistic replica of the Oval Office housed deep inside the Clinton compound in Chappaqua, NY, complete with high-definition virtual reality LCD "windows" that display views from the real Oval Office, including real-time weather and even the time of day.

When a neighbor was engaged in a domestic dispute, Henderson, Nevada police demanded that Anthony Mitchell allow them to use his home as a fort and command center in order to gain a tactical advantage in their efforts to cope with the situation. Mitchell refused, but police battered down his door, pepper sprayed him, and put him in jail for the duration. Mitchell sued contending that this home invasion by the police violated his constitutional rights under both the Third and Fourth Amendments to the US Constitution. Federal district court Judge Andrew Gordon dismissed Mitchell’s Fourth Amendment argument, saying that...

The Obama Administration remained undaunted by yet another court ruling against its attempts to compel religious groups to fund abortion coverage in their health insurance plans. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito issued an order preventing the Obama Administration from forcing religious groups in Pennsylvania to pay for abortion-causing drugs mandated by the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The Supreme Court had previously blocked HHS from imposing similar mandates on the Little Sisters of the Poor, Hobby Lobby, Wheaton College, and the University of Notre Dame. That the Administration would repeatedly attempt this type of coercion caused Lori Windham,...

In her bid to portray herself as the champion of the average American, millionaire presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is lambasting the wealthiest 1% for the impoverishment of the other 99%. It is, she says, “outrageous that the CEO of a major corporation makes 300 times the annual salary of its lowest paid employee.” Clinton’s argument is ironic since her hourly rate for public speaking is 16,000 times the $15 hourly rate that she says ought to be the legal minimum wage. If CEOs are overpaid, former Secretary of State Clinton would appear to be obscenely overpaid. According to Mrs. Clinton,...

As the 2016 Presidential campaign heats up, competition among the candidates has spilled over into the fast-food industry, with eateries across the country wooing White House hopefuls in much the same way politicians seek out votes. Given the notoriety of Hillary Clinton's recent stop at a Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurant in Ohio, Los Angeles-based Pink Taco is vying to become the official fast-food choice of the former First Lady's 2016 campaign. "When we heard Hillary Clinton liked Mexican food, we were excited to have her as part of the Pink Taco team," stated a company spokesman in a recent press conference. Noting that their...