[satire] Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane, Pope Francis

Babylon Bee ^ | 8/3/2018 | Uncredited

[RightGeek]

This is satire, but I could not fit it in the title.

VATICAN CITY—Following his recent announcement that the Catholic Church no longer supports the use of the death penalty, Pope Francis clarified that it may still be applied to slow left-lane drivers. “It almost goes without saying,” the leader of the Church commented.

Whereas prior Church teaching allowed the death penalty in certain cases, the Catechism now teaches that the punishment is always impermissible. “Except,” said a Vatican spokesman, “for those reprobate souls who just hang out in the left lane as if nobody else has anywhere to be.”

....

[RightGeek]

Pope Frankie can eat my shorts.

[SkyDancer]

Guess his popeship’s golf cart got caught in slow traffic in the left lane.

[JME_FAN]

F*** Francis. He’s a heretical ahole - and he’s not a legitimate pope.

[Ancesthntr]

Finally, something that this Pope and I agree on. :>)

[deadrock]

There is a concentration of them on I15 between LV and LA.

[HotKat]

Oh no! I’m a chatty Kathy in grocery store lines.

[50mm]

I'm all for the death penalty for those who drive slow. I would also like to see the death penalty for those who take 20 items to the 10 item express lane at the supermarket, those 300 pound women in bikinis at the beach and of course those who mow the lawn at 6:30 Saturday morning.

[Fungi]

Jokester Popester is a fraud, antichrist. Has this clown ever read the Bible?

[Rurudyne]

Scripture requires two or more witnesses ... so, yeah, early mowers would be screwed.

[Rebelbase]

I may convert to Catholicism now.

[yarddog]

The one which irritates me is when some jackass pulls right out in front of me then drives at a slow pace. He is obviously not in a hurry yet he makes me slam on brakes.

Actually women are worse about this than men.

[jmacusa]

Well, I’m screwed. I drive slow in the left lane with my left blinker on all the time. Yup. That’s me. I’m that guy.

[SkyDancer]

I’ma commin’ fer ya!!!

[DoodleBob]

I would also like to see the death penalty for those who take 20 items to the 10 item express lane at the supermarket

A college student in Boston goes to the supermarket for groceries. By the end of his trip he's gotten fifteen items.

He goes up to the lane labeled "Express Checkout: 10 Items Or Less" and starts putting his purchases on the belt.

The cashier says, "So.....is your problem that you go to Harvard and can't count, or you go to MIT and can't read?"

[reasonisfaith]

So he’s not a pope but a late night comedian.

[jmacusa]

Well, I'll be a watching. I'm not hard to spot. Big Buick Electra, blue, NJ tag. Still got the “Bush/Chenny’’ bumper sticker. And oh yeah, if you can see me I'm wearing Bermuda shorts, sleeveless white T shirt, black socks and black dress shoes. Yup, that's my look.

[50mm]

Snort.

[yarddog]

No white shoes?

[SkyDancer]

Remember the scene in Back To The Future where Biff ran into the back of that manure truck ... well in this case I’m driving the truck you just slammed into. LOL

[jmacusa]

Nope. Black dress shoes.