Posted on 09/02/2018 6:37:25 PM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion
A MAN who extended his life span by avoiding processed meats bitterly regrets having done so, it has emerged.
103-year-old Roy Hobbs never ate sausages, bacon or black pudding apart from a one-off fried breakfast which he admits was mind-bendingly delicious.
He said: I am over a century old, partly because Ive exercised extreme self-control when it comes to my base desire for meat.
Many times Ive been tempted. One time in Birmingham train station I actually bought a burger and raised it to my salivating mouth, but never took a bite.
Only once, while staying in a corporate hotel for work, did I succumb to a frantic bout of pleasure with a full breakfast buffet. I had fourteen sausages. Afterwards I lay on my bed for two and a half hours, sweaty but elated.
Hobbs admitted that, despite living to an impressive age, he still thinks about meat with a sense of regret: I am old now, and frankly it is shit. But its too late to eat a steak because I have no teeth.
If I could I would appear to my younger self as an apparition and say eat burgers, and meat pies too. But in a deep ghost-y voice so that it sounded convincing.
I’m guessing this is satire.
Just thinking about the people in my life who have some sort of food fetish... They all look like shite.
Where are the statistical tests of significance here?
LOL!! Ghost of Meat Meals Past!!
I think this is Fake News at it’s finest.
Any ‘updates’ on Roy???
Sooooo, is he 106 now?
Satire.
Not well done.
GMTA
Roy Hobbs...Is he a former major league baseball player with a bat named “Wonderboy”??????
I think Roy is Still dead.
Sorry.
If he ain’t dead ,
No one would know.
Oh? You have an update on Roy? Please do post!!
Otherwise....eeeee’s not dead, yet!!
Life’s a b!^$#, you eat nothing but bird seed and tofu all your life, and wake up at 103, dying of absolutely nothing.
Headed to the liquor store to get a carton of camel non filters
I’ve yet to see a vegetarian who has soft healthy looking hair.
The question isn’t if he’s dead, the question is, is he truly alive?
Click on the link for “The Daily Mash” at the top of the article. It’s a humor site similar to The Onion.
and since, at 103, he's still just a young whippersnapper, send him to this FR thread, to show him how to live to a ripe old age:
Stunning anti-ageing breakthrough could see humans live to 150
She has congenitally high cholesterol. Parent and grandparents died young from heart attacks.
She eats no red meat. Survives basically on salad. Occasionally has a small glass of wine.
She wants to see her grandchildren grow up. She lives her life with that goal in mind. She is in her fifties and as thin as a rail.
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