New Harry Potter book destroys precious rainforest(Borowitz becomes enviornmental)

http://www.jewishworldreview.com ^ | Andy Borowitz

[manny613]

The latest installment in the best-selling Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince," has destroyed one of the most precious rainforests in the world, all of whose trees were felled to create the paper for the 652-page book.

[Frank_Discussion]

OH? I thought it would be Dobby in the Gryffindor common room with an enchanted candlestick...

[Frank_Discussion]

"The Larch"

[Oztrich Boy]

Ar last. Someone with a halfway rational objection to the Potter books

[Oztrich Boy]

And Hermoine is Harry's sister.

[70times7]

No, no, no. Everone knows it was miss Scarlet in the ba...

Never mind, I had better not.

[70times7]

And Darth Vader is Harry's Father!!!

[blueberry12]

That's bad for the trees. I'm very sorry for those trees. /sarcasm

But what's really bad is that Harry Potter's book draws people into witchcraft.

[Oztrich Boy]

And Serverus Snape is really James Potter gone over to the Dark Side

[Frank_Discussion]

I'm really thinking you've missed a second sarcasm tag there...

/sarc

[goodnesswins]

"now, those redwoods and sequoias, on the other hand.."

Oh, pullleeaasseee.....those redwoods and sequoias rot from the inside out eventually.....by the way, ever planted a Sequoia? They grow like weeds....

[Little Pig]

Actually, that was my point: redwoods and sequoias would make decent pulp trees. Apparently you can't get the big ones down in one piece anyway, they shatter, so are useless for lumber.

[goodnesswins]

Ah.....

[joesnuffy]

Hemp makes the best paper...but our dopey govt. wont allow
us to grow it...too bad..and it's renewable and sustainable
the best buzz words for greenies..other than 'smokeable' (though the paper grade will probably just make them sick..hey another good reason to grow the stuff)

[Billthedrill]

I don't see why we're using our precious rainforests to print pulp fiction (sorry) when there are better, renewable resources available such as the skins of kittens. But hey, that's just me...

[sandbar]

That's why we should use hemp to make paper.

[vladima]

To cut down the big trees a cat comes in and makes a bed to fall the tree into. Nothing sadder than a faller missing the mark and indeed watching one of those giants shatter.

Well, that was the way it was done when I was a kid growing up in Humboldt County, Ca. Someone correct me if things have changed.

[RJL]

In the 70s, it was 'global cooling'. Now it's the opposite. What's next, 'global snowing?'

Just yesterday I read an article here on FR bemoaning the dwindling of the glaciers in Austria. It was so bad in 2003 that the ice melted and revealed a forest of tree stumps.

Now, we all know that the glaciers had been there forever and it's only man that has caused the glaciers to melt.

Knowing that, it's obvious that these tree stumps under the glaciers must undoubtedly be a new unknown species of trees that grow under glaciers. If these trees weren't already just stumps, we'd probably be killing them by exposing them to sunshine and warmth.

/Sarcasm

[Chode]

so the brave little rain forrest gave it's life for the cheerdren...

[RepoGirl]

Try explaining that to a tree-hugger and their eyes glaze over. I'm part owner in a small tree-farm in SC, our crop is mostly loblolly pine which grows very quickly. We just lop the trees off at the base every few years, leaving the stumps. The trees grow back within a few years. In theory, it's no different than shearing sheep.

I had many friends in Boston who would just get catotonic when I explained that grassy, quick growing pulpy trees were used in paper making instead fine hard woods like teak and mahogany. They didn't want to hear it. It wasn't disastrous enough for them to realize that I wasn't killing my crop year after year, but renewing it.

[sportutegrl]

Maybe we could use the dolphins caught in tuna traps to feed cats, then skin those cats for clothes for the homeless.