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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: ArGee

Can’t really help you with this one.
Can’t find anything even remotely similar in history.
Have faith in your fellow countrymen to do the right thing.
All we can do is Hope and Pray.


10,321 posted on 07/01/2016 2:35:16 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you have a good night! We just got home from the gym.


10,322 posted on 07/01/2016 3:27:32 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: moose07; ArGee

We made it through the Civil War. I was just looking at some pictures today at National Review while playing Johnny Cash songs on Youtube. So many young boys looking quite foolish in their uniforms ...


10,323 posted on 07/01/2016 4:23:07 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; ArGee
"We made it through the Civil War."

Which of your young boys had the gumption to tell Miss Kathleen, "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a darn"?

I know Jake wanted to be Colonel Mosby.

10,324 posted on 07/01/2016 5:13:35 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Jake can leap a high fence and is quite a successful guerrilla.

I think it would take John Wayne to put Kathleen in her place.


10,325 posted on 07/01/2016 5:40:28 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick

Fortunately, you never named any of your children “John Wayne Something-Something”.

That would have been a curse that could not be removed. One of the corollaries of Bob’s Rules of Nicknames is that if your name is John Wayne Anything, your life will never be a peaceful one.


10,326 posted on 07/01/2016 6:21:26 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

There is a kid in a high school near me that has the first name Thankyougod. (I saw it in their local paper on the sports page)

He likes to be known as TG.

.


10,327 posted on 07/01/2016 6:25:36 PM PDT by Mears (Afrocentrism is "the invention of tradition"-----Hobsbawm)
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To: Mears; Tax-chick

There is power in naming. Choose wisely.


10,328 posted on 07/01/2016 6:30:15 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Mears; NicknamedBob

I used to like reading the honor rolls from the local schools in a paper just to check out the original names.


10,329 posted on 07/02/2016 2:22:24 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: NicknamedBob

My cousin on the better-than-you side of the family is named Anthony Wayne, after the Revolutionary War general.


10,330 posted on 07/02/2016 2:22:53 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Anent yesterday's discussion of Cthulhu vs. SMOD.

10,331 posted on 07/02/2016 2:24:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick; SandyInSeattle; Gefn

10,332 posted on 07/02/2016 2:25:48 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick

That cat looks more liked its stuned rather than shocked.

And I’m stuned to be up so early — on a Satiddy, when there isn’t even any news at this hour that I can get on the TV. *sigh*

So I’ll go to Wally’s in a bit.

74, partly cloudy, WNW @ 4, 66% *ick* And I have no idea what today will be like. The weather page says 30% rain, but who knows for sure? Two days ago, it was a “10% or less” chance of rain and we had a valley-wide gully washer.


10,333 posted on 07/02/2016 4:01:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Don't waste your time looking back. You're not going that way. -- Ragnar Lothbrok)
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To: Tax-chick

I heart dat blue-eyed fing!


10,334 posted on 07/02/2016 4:01:52 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Don't waste your time looking back. You're not going that way. -- Ragnar Lothbrok)
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To: Tax-chick

Morning.

The Dust bunnies put basement Cat up to it.
To be honest, the Cat would have a large voter base.


10,335 posted on 07/02/2016 4:06:48 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

Good morning, epople.

I have made meat sauce, but I won’t start cooking the noodles until after 0800 EDT. Also, I’m thawing the discount bread and desserts I gathered over the last week.


10,336 posted on 07/02/2016 4:10:00 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Monkey Face

That is how Kittens catch their favourite prey....human hands.
It’s a trap.


10,337 posted on 07/02/2016 4:10:13 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

Yes, kittens are very deceptive!


10,338 posted on 07/02/2016 4:11:39 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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To: Tax-chick

:-)
We have a new word: Epople.
Definition: People whom you mainly only interact with via electronic means.


10,339 posted on 07/02/2016 4:13:57 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; Darksheare

Not new ... got it from Darksheare.


10,340 posted on 07/02/2016 4:15:02 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down." ~ Johnny Cash)
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