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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

The Bigelows would be OK if my sister hadn’t married one. She’s a flaming lib and more arrogant than Obama (if that’s possible).

I don’t think they have anything to do with tea, though.


3,261 posted on 02/05/2016 1:13:20 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Covenantor

You ventured in there! Wow.
Check you still have all expected limbs, they will steal anything.
Cot being a bed ,with ‘carry’ attached to it is used to denote a portable baby’s crib. The tie down straps suddenly have a fresh appeal. :)


3,262 posted on 02/05/2016 1:19:33 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Of course, I’m fearless in such matters.

Carry cots (UK) = Baby Buckets (USA)....

Sooooo, the UK market is wide open for my idea?

;>)


3,263 posted on 02/05/2016 1:39:14 PM PST by Covenantor (Men are ruled..e.by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern - Chesterton)
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To: Darkchylde

A lot of people don’t like Constant Comment, but it was the first tea I ever drank when I left home. My mother always drank some tea called, “orange pekoe and pekoe cut black” tea, but I don’t know it it’s even in existence, any more. I can remember the smell, though.


3,264 posted on 02/05/2016 1:46:30 PM PST by Monkey Face (Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow.")
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To: Covenantor

Camping beds with emergency conversion to a stretcher....
Set up shop in the west end , colour them white and silver , call them iSleep.
You’ll have hipsters queuing around the block. :)


3,265 posted on 02/05/2016 1:50:16 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Darkchylde; Monkey Face

Constant Comment has changed over the years. It was much better back in the ‘60s. The orange, clove, and cinnamon were more pronounced back then and the tea was stronger,. When you saw/felt the teabag, you could feel the ‘chunks’ of orange peel and spices in it. Now it’s all homogenized, pasteurized, emulsified, granulated, and standardized.. To get the same equivalent you need two or three teabags.. ;-)

My Mother drank it back when I was younger than 34. That’s how I know these things. (Because I asked her what those lumps in the teabag were. Today’s version has no palpable lumps.. ;-)

Today’s trivia - where is the only tea plantation in the United States located?


3,266 posted on 02/05/2016 2:22:47 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face
Well, you can make your own Constant Comment if you're ambitious (and have a tea ball..) Then you can make it as strong as you want. ;-)

Copycat Constant Comment Tea*

Orange Pekoe and Pekoe are names of tea grades. Has to do with the location of the leaf on the plant. Closer to the tip and smaller leaves are higher rated.

Tea leaf grading

(* Disclaimer: No, I haven't tried this recipe. But it sounds right. ;-)

3,267 posted on 02/05/2016 2:35:44 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I must agree with all of that statement. Yep. You’re right on all of it!

I wouldn’t even hazard a guess about the U.S tea plantation.


3,268 posted on 02/05/2016 2:51:55 PM PST by Monkey Face (Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow.")
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To: NoCmpromiz

I’m sorry my mother didn’t live long enough to tell me all that stuff!

But she really loved her tea!


3,269 posted on 02/05/2016 2:54:29 PM PST by Monkey Face (Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow.")
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To: Monkey Face
Charleston, SC. Wadmalaw Island to be exact...

Charleston Tea Plantation

Now owned by... Bigelow. ;-)

3,270 posted on 02/05/2016 3:17:41 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee

None of our Offspring has yet killed any other.


3,271 posted on 02/05/2016 3:19:02 PM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Tax-chick; ArGee

But have they drawn blood... ?

;-)


3,272 posted on 02/05/2016 3:22:58 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Oh, sure.


3,273 posted on 02/05/2016 3:25:10 PM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: NoCmpromiz

KEWL! Thanks!


3,274 posted on 02/05/2016 3:28:03 PM PST by Monkey Face (Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow.")
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To: Tax-chick

Good.

They’re normal then.

:-)


3,275 posted on 02/05/2016 3:31:03 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Monkey Face

Always willing to assist in the learning of mostly useless trivial facts.. ;-)

By the way, did you know that black tea is fermented?

(Well, technically it is “oxidized” green tea but somewhere along the line it got classed as fermented. But it’s not really since fermentation is a different chemical process. The descriptive still holds though.)


3,276 posted on 02/05/2016 3:35:18 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

Well, we know he enjoyed 3 moments of those 8 years!

He does love his puppies though, and is a good dad.


3,277 posted on 02/05/2016 4:04:37 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

There is so much cuteness in this house right now, lol. 4 weeks to go, assuming they sell. Only one is sold so far.....


3,278 posted on 02/05/2016 4:07:33 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: NoCmpromiz

I love tidbits for my Department of Useless Information!

And no, I didn’t realize that black tea is fermented, but it would seem to me that “something” would have to change the color from green to black.


3,279 posted on 02/05/2016 4:10:55 PM PST by Monkey Face (Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow.")
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To: fanfan

If I lived closer, I would love to have one of Rush’s puppies for a companion. It would be awesome!!!


3,280 posted on 02/05/2016 4:14:06 PM PST by Monkey Face (Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow.")
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