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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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It's all in your perspective. Or some such 'wisdom'..


7,581 posted on 04/30/2016 2:36:44 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Tax-chick
"Ain't that the umpteenth corollary of the 'starving artist' axiom?"

Nope. It's a reflection of a changing world. No one needs a secretary anymore, since our computers are better at grammar and spelling than we are. And writing for a living went out of style when writing went out of style, iirc.

Anyone who wants to be an artist should secure his minimal necessities first, and then begin his art. Just don't expect to make money on it, because the only ones who might appreciate it would be other starving artists.

The rule, as always is; find something you're good at, that you like to do, and find someone willing to pay you to do it.

7,582 posted on 04/30/2016 3:13:05 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz
since our computers are better at grammar and spelling than we are

If that were true, we wouldn't find that a lot of what is published is complete garble. Nothing can replace an editor - regardless of what her title is - who knows how to spell and to construct sentences.

It's simply a case of, "You get what you pay for." It's cheaper to do without secretaries, but the quality of communications output declines dramatically.

7,583 posted on 04/30/2016 3:47:18 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: Tax-chick

Relaxing afternoon soundtrack....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-okufPyFCc


7,584 posted on 04/30/2016 3:58:58 PM PDT by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: Tax-chick
It's simply a case of, "You get what you pay for."

So does that mean that you are willing to continue in your role of Executive Secretary at your current level of pay?

7,585 posted on 04/30/2016 4:12:06 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Of course!


7,586 posted on 04/30/2016 5:41:49 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: HKMk23

Very relaxing!


7,587 posted on 04/30/2016 5:49:24 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob
"You get what you pay for."

After all, what level of expertise does $15/hour get you these days...

..journeyman burgerflipper? .

7,588 posted on 04/30/2016 5:57:42 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

And don’t ask him to make change.


7,589 posted on 04/30/2016 6:02:26 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: Tax-chick

..or hand them a couple of pennies to make the total an even multiple of a nickle piece..


7,590 posted on 04/30/2016 6:18:46 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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Millennials..
7,591 posted on 04/30/2016 6:26:00 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I add coins only to bring my change to an even dollar amount.


7,592 posted on 05/01/2016 4:24:59 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

What, you thought I was in the cage?

7,593 posted on 05/01/2016 4:27:09 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: Tax-chick; Slings and Arrows

Kitty in a shopping cart! It’s one of Bubbles’ kitties! In formal wear. (Tuxedo)


7,594 posted on 05/01/2016 4:32:09 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; All

Lazy mood yesterday. Dang weather had a cold in my nose just felt like something kitty might leave in her box. Pretty much stayed in bed, watched a few episodes of “Shark Tank” on demand I missed, went through a box and a half of Kleenex,

Read a little and my upstairs neighbor brought some really nice Chinese soup back for me- she and her fiancé went out and asked if I wanted anything. There is an incredible Chinese restaurant across the street that only does take out. It was a nice way to end Passover.

I can relate to the kitty. Feline better today but I think it’s because of the wacky weather, people can’t have one day at 70 and the next at 50.

Got a lot of reading here to catch up....


7,595 posted on 05/01/2016 4:40:15 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

I’m glad you’re improving. Several of us have been, not sick, but not entirely well, either.

The girls are leaving today for a visit to my mother.


7,596 posted on 05/01/2016 4:41:40 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
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To: Gefn
people can’t have one day at 70 and the next at 50...

That's what we've been having here for the last month. After a while, it gets pretty tiresome. Yesterday, it was 54, and today it will be 71. Yo-yo weather.

7,597 posted on 05/01/2016 5:04:23 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
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To: Tax-chick

The expression on that kitteh’s face is priceless!!


7,598 posted on 05/01/2016 5:05:06 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
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To: NoCmpromiz
That “Millennials" was pretty clever!
7,599 posted on 05/01/2016 5:06:42 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
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To: Monkey Face

Why not?


7,600 posted on 05/01/2016 5:07:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
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