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Al Gore Becomes a Priest, Says He Will Build an Ark
The Daily Rash ^ | unknown | Mark Donahue

Posted on 09/17/2012 4:23:48 PM PDT by HollyW

WASHINGTON – During an appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, Al Gore revealed that prior to divorcing his wife Tipper, he was ordained a Catholic priest. He added that he plans to spend the rest of his life listening to confessions “before the impending global warming apocalypse kills everyone on the planet.”

A surprised Chris Matthews asked the former vice president why he chose the priesthood.

“I can’t really explain why,” Gore replied. “I guess a big part of it is that I really love wearing the priest suit and listening to people tell me their secrets. I first experienced it a few years ago in a very poor South American village. Tipper and I traveled there to convince people that they would die in ten years if they didn’t give us money to stop global warming. Since nobody in the village had a dime to spare, I decided to spend the two days I had left to act out a fantasy I’d always had — to be a priest and listen to confessions.”

Mr. Gore paused and then smiled.

“I’ll tell you, after three or four confessions I was hooked. I mean, I couldn’t stop! I must have heard a hundred confessions that first day and two hundred the next. Tipper was so irritated that she went home early.”

(Excerpt) Read more at thedailyrash.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Politics; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: algore; algorepriest; ark; globalwarming; manbearpig; tippergore

1 posted on 09/17/2012 4:23:53 PM PDT by HollyW
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To: HollyW

I think he’s got it a bit wrong, Algore has become the SIZE of an ark...


2 posted on 09/17/2012 4:29:24 PM PDT by bigbob
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To: HollyW

ROFLMAO!!!!!


3 posted on 09/17/2012 4:32:11 PM PDT by gdzla
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To: HollyW

ROFLMAO!!!!!


4 posted on 09/17/2012 4:32:18 PM PDT by gdzla
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To: bigbob

Just two questions for weird Al - sinker? Or floater?


5 posted on 09/17/2012 4:33:35 PM PDT by Noumenon (“...the other side wants everything in America to be free, except us.” Paul Ryan)
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To: HollyW

I wonder if TN people are still sorry they made GWB president.


6 posted on 09/17/2012 4:34:24 PM PDT by Theodore R. ( Who among us has not erred? Akin's the One!)
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To: HollyW

If he’s building an ark, then all I can say is, “Bon Voyage!”

Who would have ordained him? As I understand it, you basically need the equivalent, in terms of years, of a master’s degree and that’s before you get a year in the seminary.

And we also know that the former vice-poodle has trouble with celibacy.


7 posted on 09/17/2012 4:35:13 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults.)
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To: HollyW

He only will need to get one additional ass to complete a pair.


8 posted on 09/17/2012 4:35:13 PM PDT by Proud2BeRight
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To: HollyW

I realize this is satire but Algore is such a nut job, I would be inclined to believe this stuff


9 posted on 09/17/2012 4:35:46 PM PDT by surroundedbyblue (Live the message of Fatima - pray & do penance!)
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To: HollyW

Wouldn’t it make more sense if he became a carpenter?


10 posted on 09/17/2012 4:37:07 PM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied.)
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To: HollyW

The priest garb helps him get free “local” massages.


11 posted on 09/17/2012 4:37:18 PM PDT by beethovenfan (If Islam is the solution, the "problem" must be freedom.)
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To: HollyW

"Tell me all your sins, my daughter - especially the juicy ones."


12 posted on 09/17/2012 4:38:24 PM PDT by COBOL2Java (I'm not voting for Obama, so therefore I must be helping Romney!)
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To: HollyW

His “Chakra” has to have been loosened.


13 posted on 09/17/2012 4:41:25 PM PDT by machogirl (First they came for my tagline)
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To: beethovenfan

“The priest garb helps him get free “local” massages.”.

Um, what???? Exactly how does dressing up like a priest get one massages?


14 posted on 09/17/2012 4:43:14 PM PDT by surroundedbyblue (Live the message of Fatima - pray & do penance!)
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To: HollyW
Although he is not officially a Catholic priest, the former vice president wears his black suit and white collar when he travels to third world countries to hear confessions. Though he did attend Vanderbilt University Divinity School in the early seventies, Al Gore told Matthews he never intended to become a minister.

“This actually has nothing to do with religion. I mean, I’m not only not a Catholic, but I don’t really even know what those people believe in. I just feel I have been called, by whom I don’t know, to hear confessions and to build an ark and save as many people as I can when the world is engulfed by water in ten years. I feel it in the very essence of my being. I feel it in my bones! I feel it! I feel it!”

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA

15 posted on 09/17/2012 4:44:00 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (At the end of the day, you have to worship the god who can set you on fire.)
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To: HollyW

He needs to perform and exorcism on the leaders of the Democrats and then himself.


16 posted on 09/17/2012 5:02:24 PM PDT by Harley (Those that don't engage in politics are destined to be governed by inferiors. -Plato)
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To: HollyW

HAHA! When does this insanity end?


17 posted on 09/17/2012 5:06:16 PM PDT by SgtHooper (The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.)
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To: HollyW

*snort*


18 posted on 09/17/2012 5:08:31 PM PDT by SuziQ
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To: surroundedbyblue

It’s those special “role-playing” massages.
Al has the money, don’t worry.


19 posted on 09/17/2012 5:11:20 PM PDT by supremedoctrine
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To: surroundedbyblue

There are several very small sects that call themselves Catholic in which he could have got himself “ordained.” They even wear something like vestments and cassocks and stuff. Most of them don’t do Confession that way, though.


20 posted on 09/17/2012 5:13:19 PM PDT by arthurus (Read Hazlitt's Economics In One Lesson)
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To: HollyW
And in other news...Biden Says Department of Homeland Security Crawling with Lesbians
21 posted on 09/17/2012 5:15:16 PM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum)
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To: HollyW

kudos...rof


22 posted on 09/17/2012 5:19:25 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: HollyW

Somebody beat him to the building of the Ark. I’m not sure any religion would want him as a priest, especially since he flunked out of seminary school. Of course knowing Al, he probably thought it was a school that studied semen.


23 posted on 09/17/2012 5:27:40 PM PDT by mass55th (Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway...John Wayne)
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To: bigbob

Was he an Ordain Preist when he was found in that massage parlor?


24 posted on 09/17/2012 5:49:48 PM PDT by castlegreyskull
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To: HollyW
Interestingly enough, in real life, Algore actually FLUNKED OUT of seminary school!

Mark

25 posted on 09/17/2012 5:51:11 PM PDT by MarkL (Do I really look like a guy with a plan?)
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To: HollyW

There are certain titles that when seen, must be read... This is one of them...

lol...


26 posted on 09/17/2012 5:51:51 PM PDT by Popman (In a place you only dream of Where your soul is always free)
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To: COBOL2Java

Holy crap! Just add glasses, and you’ve got Michael Moore!

Mark


27 posted on 09/17/2012 5:52:55 PM PDT by MarkL (Do I really look like a guy with a plan?)
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To: HollyW; 11B40; A Balrog of Morgoth; A message; ACelt; Aeronaut; AFPhys; AlexW; America_Right; ...
AND THE GLORY OF THE LORD SHALL BE REVEALED!

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28 posted on 09/18/2012 12:40:46 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Obama should change his campaign slogan to "Yes, we am!" Sounds as stupid as his administration is.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Because things are so freaking crazy these day, I’m using the source, “The Daily Rash” as the sole proof of the lack of veracity. I hope I’m right, because with algore it is all too believable..


29 posted on 09/18/2012 1:50:31 PM PDT by cardinal4 (RageBoy for DNC Chair!)
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To: HollyW

I didn’t realize Buddhist priests heard confessions. Learn something new every day.


30 posted on 09/19/2012 1:39:58 AM PDT by ApplegateRanch (Love me, love my guns!©)
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To: COBOL2Java

Is it just me, or does Big Al look a lot like Newman?


31 posted on 09/19/2012 2:25:29 AM PDT by GilesB
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