Posted on 12/01/2004 10:24:10 AM PST by TChris
Congratulations on your decision to join the forces of darkness! Evil always needs more tools... I mean... agents... for its unholy army of the night, and by joining now you can rest assured that your remaining years will be spent pursuing the 'good' things of life: lust, greed, debauchery, the construction of enormous weather machines... Your favorite hobby can become a lifelong career! Thus, this handy guide has been created to nurture any potential lunatic into a lifetime of evil and destruction.
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would enjoy galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence in the Force or demonstrate a willingness to learn.
Responsibilities include:
Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in the study of the Force (light or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant coursework in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.
Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license for all classes of ships, and must show a willingness to give in to their hatred. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable as is the ability to speak several galactic languages.
Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be give several weeks to meet this requirement.) Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for the field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance.
The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the Master's plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.
Qualified applicants should submit their resume via The Force to The Emperor
Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused organization founded a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organizations though knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise.
Acck! The HTML mangled the title... Sorry everyone. :-(
I'd say you mangled the HTML. Good job, in 5 years on FR I've never seen it done better in an article title.
/bow_to_thunderous_applause :-)
Actually, you could have gone for the Triple Crown. That takes triple-posting your mangled HTML thread. And yes, some people have triple-posted their threads, but never with a heading like yours.:)
So9
Yes!!
Thank you!
At that link I have Forged in the Bowels of Internetia:
Congratulations on being the creator of a new
Evil Plan (tm)!
Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: Revenge
Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first traumatize a news reporter. This will cause the world to realize something is wrong, terrified by your arrival. Who is this nightmare beyond comprehension? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?
Stage Two
Next, you must obliterate United Nations. This will all be done from a obsidian citadel, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will die in a way you just don't want to think about, as countless hordes of computer programmers hasten to do your every bidding.
Stage Three
Finally, you must unleash your plague of doom, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with all that is wrong with the world, and no man will ever again dare steal your woman. Everyone will bow before your supreme might, and the world will have no choice but to grant you three maidens of virtue true.
Are you one of the guy Triumph talked to waiting in line for Phantom Menace?
Umm... I'll take "No" for $200, Alex.
Do you know what I am talking about, I hope?
I have a link on my FR page to that site.
ping
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