Well, I’ve drawn a blank on ideas for this week, so I’m punting the ball off to you guys......
Obama Jobs Speech - leaked
They see me scrollin’...
Posted on 09/09/2011 6:40:51 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
The lovely garden area at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital would be a nice place to sit and eat lunch except it has BR fume vents blowing right next to the benches. Foul odors abound every few minutes.
My kids left home a long time ago, and as a result, all the recipes that were stored in my head got cobwebby with no use. Now, even though I remember how good a recipe tastes when it’s made, I have to look it up.
:o[
X-sell-ant!
A Southern girl and a Yankee girl are at a college party. The Southern girl decides to strike up a conversation and asks the Yankee girl, “So, where are you from?”
“Someplace where we know not to end a sentence with a preposition,” the Yankee girl replies haughtily.
“Okay,” drawls the Southern girl. “Where are you from, bitch?”
My Favorite Movie - Do this - It is great
Not just another email. Really do it. You will be surprised.
It really works
MOVIE TEST:
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.
Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.
Movie List:
1. Gone With The Wind
2. E. T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama farewell speech of 2012
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story
Now, ain’t that something?
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly
behaved 3 year-old grandson.
It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child
screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and
for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, “Easy, William, we won’t be long .... easy, boy.”
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, “It’s okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax
buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William.”
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is
loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman , “It’s none of my business, but you
were amazing in there.. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time, you
kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just
calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”
“Thanks,” said the grandfather, “but I’m William, the little bustard’s
name is Paul.”
The makers of Nut-N-Honey cereal developed a new marketing program for a similar cereal focused on the “urban” market.
The new name:
Nuttin’, Bitch!
Time slipped by and I realized my oil change appointment was but 10 minutes away.
I jumped in the car and arrived just in time.
The grocery store is only a few hundred feet away so I walked over and picked up a few items.
Twenty minutes or so had passed by so I headed back and sure enough, the car was ready.
Upon arriving home I figured out why people were looking at me funny.
True story.
Re the bottom photo...EWWWW! THE LAMPREY EEL STRIKES AGAIN!!!
They’ve also come out with a variant that they’re pitching to men who suffer erectile dysfunction.
It’s called Nut ‘n Raisin.
That one reminds me more of an angry baboon...
HAHA!! I want that shirt!
It would be a hoot wearing it around Tokyo just to see the Japanese girls reading it and trying to figure it out.
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
That zero-ice cream animation is super-creepy!
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