Posted on 12/23/2011 6:27:22 AM PST by BenLurkin
Celebrating (almost) Christmas with Some Silliness
BenLurkin here, doing my best to stand in for the vacationing Lucky9teen. Please be kind…
The Night before Christmas for Moms
It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."
The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,
Same double chin.
She'll cook, she'll dust," She'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, Watch The Young & the Restless."
"Fantastic!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true!
"I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! "
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?! I scared... and I am wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.”
That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side Santa said,
"Goodnight. Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right."
TOP 10 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO! TGIF!!!
Way to Go BenLurkin I was figurin we’d be doin without...
Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting."
The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.
Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”
-Knock knock
*Who’s there?
-Mary!
*Mary who?
-Merry Christmas
I didn't see it comming. I should have. I didn't. Thanks for that. lol.
I would like to share an experience about drinking and driving. As you well know, some people have had brushes with the authorities or accidents on their way home from the watering hole.
Last night, I was out for a “few” drinks with the guys and ended up having several more.
Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
I’m happy to say that I arrived home safely and without incident.
Thinking back this is a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.
Sure, in the introduction it goes "There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen..." That makes eight reindeer.
Then there's Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.
Then there's Olive. You know, "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh..." That makes ten.
The eleventh is Howe. You know, "Then Howe the reindeer loved him..." Eleven reindeer.
Oh, and number 12? That's Andy! "Andy shouted out with glee."
The proof is in the song!
I will now commence forwarding it.
You saved the silliness thread. It’s a Christmas miracle!
What do you get when you cross a champion archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon Hood.
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