This Pizza Place Rightfully Charges $1,000 For A Side of Ranch

Austinist ^ | Mar 21, 2014 | Aleksander Chan

[nickcarraway]

Let's just get this out of the way: Putting ranch dressing on your pizza is disgusting and foul and you should feel ashamed of yourself if you desecrate the sanctity of the holy union of bread, tomato sauce, and cheese. For shame!

Anyway, Cane Rosso's in Dallas is doing it right and "charging" customers a sweet grand for the privilege to eat their pizza WRONG. Owner Jay Jerrier explained to Eater the type of people he usually encounters ordering this pghlemy subtance. It's weird, it always seems to be young, college-age girls that ask for it.

Of course, when they caught wind of his joke giant bottle of ranch, the Annals of Reddit reacted as they often do. Everybody [on Reddit] seems to assume we're the worst people in the world, like how dare they tell me how to eat my pizza! Dude, it's a joke. Relax.

But really, it's just a damn Yankee thing.

It was pretty funny how people did take it really seriously and were super offended. I guess it's the Midwest. They love them some ranch.

Also, it's his restaurant. He can do what he wants.

Well you know, at Cane Rosso we really try — and you gotta take this with a grain of salt — we try to stay authentically Neapolitan, but we're also the same guys who are putting brisket on pizza, and bacon marmalade. But we really try to stay far away from the kind of Midwest-American tradition. No chicken, no ham, no pineapple. I think for the most part, again, take it with a grain of salt, Cane Rosso is more about restraint and balance where we're not taking it to extremes. Ban ranch dressing on pizza.

[wally_bert]

I agree completely. Give me the traditional toppings but no anchovies.

[Owl558]

“I agree, no pineapple! For me it’s ruined even if I remove the pineapple.”

This isn’t good news for that pineapple and ranch pizza restaraunt I just opened.

[Inyo-Mono]

Good on them. Remind me of a hot dog stand in river grove Illinois. They have no ketchup on a hot dog policy. Ketchup is for kids and New York ers

Good for them! A hot dog should only have yellow mustard and pickle relish on it.

[Lurkina.n.Learnin]

I generally agree with you but one friend of mine put ketchup on biscuits and gravy. I had to make some snide comments about that.

[southern rock]

You can find a "purist" for just about anything under the sun. They all share one thing in common. They are all a$$holes.

[Owl558]

“....one friend of mine put ketchup on biscuits and gravy.”

Ewwww... Well, I suppose there are some things that shouldn’t be eaten in public.

[bgill]

No one dictates what or how I eat my pizza or anything else. Aside from table manners, I will eat and combine ingredients however I wish. This is America, right... oh, no, it isn’t the free America I once knew but the nazi run country where everything I do is spied upon and I get told what I can and can not do or say. Just wait until Moo shuts his place down for serving high fat and high calorie foods.

[windcliff]

Me too!! I wouldn’t eat it though.

[Talisker]

You can find a "purist" for just about anything under the sun. They all share one thing in common. They are all a$$holes.

Well I was GONNA say that as a purist, if I opened a pizza joint, the only thing I would serve would be cheese pizza, and pepperoni pizza. And the only option would be to get it half-and-half. And of course, these would be the best damn cheese and pepperoni pizzas in the world.

But now? Never mind.

[windcliff]

Absolutely gross.

[Cyber Liberty]

“Oh, you want to give away for free what I charge $1,000 for? How special. Please allow me to show you what the outside of my restaurant looks like. Wait, let me get your picture so I can post it at the door so nobody ever allows your obnoxious ass in again.”

It’s his property, and you think you can tell him what he can allow? Not very well thought out, property-rights wise.

[who_would_fardels_bear]

Most restaurants don't let you bring your own food in.

If I were the owner of this restaurant I might let you bring in the bottle of Ranch, but then I would charge you a $1000 corkage fee to open it and pour it on your pizza.

[hoagy62]

My dear Grandmother Hoagy (God rest her soul) was a fantastic cook. There was nothing she’d make that I wouldn’t eat.

Almost.

Every Thanksgiving & Christmas, she’d make a wonderful turkey dinner with all the trimmings, but she’d always include one dish that was...well...

Ever hear of Tomato Aspic? It’s basically, for lack of a better term, tomato Jell-O. Take tomato paste, add other ingredients, mix it with an envelope of Knox Unflavored Gelatin, put it in a pretty mold...voila’.

My sister and I were required to have ONE BITE of it or else we could not have anything else. That was my father’s rule, not hers. She would usually be the ONLY one who’d eat it. Even my Grandpa and my Dad (the hypocrite) wouldn’t touch the stuff.

[easternsky]

You never met my Aunt,lol you would eat it and clean up afterwards. lol

[cripplecreek]

It’s his property, and you think you can tell him what he can allow?

My attitude as well. In fact he should be able to refuse to serve us yankees altogether if he wants. I would hold no animosity toward him.

[DoodleDawg]

But really, it's just a damn Yankee thing.

What do you think pizza is?

[WVKayaker]

Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza either. Flog the infidels....

I now live in Davao City, Philippines. My wife and I started a pizzeria in December, and the Hawaiian pizza is the most popular on our menu. It has lots of ham and pineapple, and most of our customers want some hot sauce to POUR onto it.

Pizza is something you want to have served your way. If you like a classic Margherita, be sure and include the fresh basil leaves. We offer a Garden Delight ,which is also popular, with broccoli, garlic chips, onions, bell pepper, tomato slices, and mushrooms. Of course, we also offer a classic pepperoni and a host of other toppings, but the Hawaaian is #1!!! Loaded with cheese with a thin crispy crust, I will never tire of pizza!

What I don't like is a Pizza Hut style cheese mixture (mozzarella, cheddar, and Monterrey Jack) on a greasy crust. We use only mozzarella and Parmesan. We make our own sauce with imported Italian tomatoes (canned, of course) and fresh dough made daily. We cater to about a thousand homes in our subdivision, but already have people showing up from outside. We are across the street from the beach, and have great visibility. BUT, we have enough REPEAT customers to know we are doing something right.

What amazes me is that we get regular 7am orders for breakfast dine-in and takeout!!!

(image from net search, not mine!)

[Bullish]

Cottage cheese in lime jello is rather tasty. I wish I had some right now.

[Axenolith]

If that was ON you, you could get a prescription for it...

[fieldmarshaldj]

I remember going to a restaurant in Quebec City... I ordered fries and it was covered in something called “poutine.” I licked the plate clean. ;-D