Posted on 12/26/2022 8:33:13 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
MONTGOMERYVILLE, PA — Local dad Justin Simpson took a trip to the mall on Christmas Eve to begin his Christmas shopping, only to find a vacant lot where the mall once stood.
"Oh man, I've been coming here forever," Simpson said. "I mean, it's been a few years, but I used to love getting malts at the Woolworth soda fountain. Then my mom would always make us buy some educational books over at Borders."
A distraught Mr. Simpson had reportedly planned to shop for his entire family at the mall this year. "I figured I could get the older kids some MP3s at Sam Goody, then hit KB Toys for the little ones," he said. "Finally, it was off to the jewelry counter at Sears to get something for my wife. Where am I going to buy presents now?"
While Simpson talked, several other confused-looking fathers arrived at the empty mall lot. They all stared wistfully at the weed-choked rubble for a few minutes before aimlessly driving away.
As for Simpson, he had quickly moved on to his backup Christmas shopping plan. "I'm going to see if I can find a Toys 'R' Us for the kids," he said. "As for the wife, I suppose I can just take her out to dinner at Howard Johnson's, and then we can go to see a drive-in movie. We haven't done that in ages."
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
I don't think they ever sold "MP3s" at Sam Goody. He probably meant CD's.
Our local mall was nearly deserted this year.
We’ve lost Penney’s, Sears, the tow ‘anchors, Dillards (an upscale dept store) is closing and all that’s left is small ‘urban’ fashion stores that have very ugly clothing.
Rumor is that the mall will be torn down and replaced with condos...................
A friend texted that a woman she knew “waited ‘til Mary’s water broke” to finish her Christmas shopping. That would be a man’s signal to start shopping.
If they tear down the malls, where will the gangs hang out?
Or cassettes
I did my Christmas shopping in about 15 minutes. Amazon Gift Cards for everybody!
Before I moved to Florida, I would occasionally stop by a mall in Frederick, Maryland. Back in the 1970s, through the 1990s, it was a bustling place, anchored by JC Penney and Montgomery Ward (both gone), and there was even a busy video arcade and a movie theatre. But eventually, JC Penney was replaced by Boscov’s, Montgomery Ward was replaced by Home Depot, and, with the exception of a restaurant and maybe the bank, the rest of the mall became an abandoned stretch of wilderness, dark, empty and cavernous.
Bee. Funny. Woolworths. Borders. (I actually liked to spend time in both of those places myself.)
Got me.
It’s satire my friend 😏
Here’s a funny Babylon Bee video that I haven’t seen posted yet.
“Calvinist Santa Puts Everyone On Naughty List”
https://babylonbee.com/video/calvinist-santa-puts-everyone-on-naughty-list
The number of EMPTY STORES in our mall shocked me.
I would venture to say that it was more than 50% empty.
Just a few years ago it was difficult to find a parking space. Now it’s easy.
The have shut off entire sections of the old mall, torn one down, ironically the newest part of it, and built a condo there..............
There are two kinds of malls:
The malls white people go to.
The malls white people used to go to.
-Chris Rock
Of course it is: it's the Babylon Bee. But even good satire has to have an internal inner logic and consistency or it mars the effect.
I’m surprised he didn’t just go into a phone booth and check the yellow pages directory there for some alternatives.
At one trip to Woolworths you could get fabric, Evening In Paris perfume, and the best hot dogs ever. (And in Anchorage, the best souvenirs.)
Ours has become #2.
Very few whites there now.
And it is going to be torn down late next year............
“The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year.”
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