"Sorry Satan...I have a NEW love now! You understand...her a$$ is better than yours!"
Posted on 11/25/2005 4:30:38 PM PST by iowamark
(Los Angeles--CA) MTV's newlyweds for eternity couldn't make it past the shelf life of the average Twinkie. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey revealed today, through their publicist Meredith O'Sullivan, that the breakup of their marriage was over Simpson's obsession with former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "The rumors that the parting was over Jessica's romance with Bam Margera are not true. It was another Jackass, Saddam Hussein," said O'Sullivan at a press conference held at the Beverly Wilshire hotel with both Lachey and Simpson present. Apparently, Simpson had become fixated on Saddam Hussein as she put it "ever since he crawled out of that spider hole and into my heart."
Over the course of the next two years, the fascination became a full-blown obsession with Simpson sending the former dictator no less than 1,500 e-mails. Calls to CIA head Porter Goss to confirm the exact number were returned with the following statement. "Due to matters of national security we cannot confirm the exact number of e-mails sent by Ms. Simpson to Mr. Hussein. However, we can say that any more correspondence and she would have worn out her send button." Goss also added that there was an ongoing investigation into an "IM emoticon" situation.
Simpson spoke for herself to the press. "Hopefully mine and Nick's story will continue for the rest of our lives, like what we vowed." But she then added, "I was always a sucker for a man's man. And when Saddie shows up on my Plasma HD with that blue blazer, white shirt and beard…it's like I'm Kuwait, invade me!"
Simpson was then asked if Hussein felt mutually. She refused to answer. However, sources from Al Jazeera have reported that "Hussein has strong feelings for the large breasted American songstress. And when the people of Iraq over throw the current puppet regime and elect him King for Eternity, he will make the songstress a first level wife in his harem."
When read Hussein's statement, Simpson produced an 8x10 glossy of the dictator and kissed it, saying, "Saddie, my lips belong to you--ALL of them." At this point, Lachey tried to get press attention, but no one really cared."
If you want to contact Ed E., e-mail michael.192@gmail.com
I Knew It ! That B$tch !!!
Jessica better forget it. Saddam is already going steady with Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks.
LOL..!
????
lol
Great parody.
The best line is the last one:
" At this point, Lachey tried to get press attention, but no one really cared."
I wonder how she liked him in the tidy-whitey photos?
"Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious."
You're scaring people! Stop it! :-)
"Sorry Satan...I have a NEW love now! You understand...her a$$ is better than yours!"
Really? Then he must be two-timing with Cindy Sheehan.
This story is in jest, right?
I shutter to think why she acquainted herself with him in the first place after showing such a deep conviction for separation.
Yawn....
They stood her over blotter paper; does that answer your question?
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