ESPN to Show 'Straight Eye for the Homo Guy'

Scrappleface ^ | August 16, 2003 | Scott Ott

[Cathryn Crawford]

ESPN to Show 'Straight Eye for the Homo Guy'

(2003-08-15) -- The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) announced today that its fall lineup will include 'Straight Eye for the Homo Guy', a new show based on a similarly-named program on another network.

On each episode a team of five heterosexual males will do a "makeover" on one homosexual man.

Preview screenings of the pilot showed the five guys uncomfortably shuffling around the menswear section at Wal-Mart picking out trousers for a guy named Maurice, who they refused to take with them.

The men get frustrated after about 30 seconds and ask a blue-vested store associate if she could just find them something in the proper size. Things get tense when they're asked which one of them will wear the pants, and they struggle to admit they're buying the slacks for another guy.

"He's a relative," one man says quickly. "Uh...yeah...my brother...our brother...we're all brothers, and we're buying the pants for our other brother and he's in a coma...but he'll be out soon, and he'll need pants. And that's what we're doing."

Destined to be a ratings hit, 'Straight Eye' also includes "coaching sessions" where the hetero-males tell the homosexual helpful things like "clothing is strictly for warmth and to cover your body, not to draw attention to yourself. Buy clothes which blend with your surroundings....like camouflage gear."

In another scene, the team takes their subject to a Barber Shop to "get a real haircut." While he waits, they force him to read an issue of "Guns & Ammo."

[Cathryn Crawford]

LOL. I'll skip this one too though.

But I thought you loved ESPN...hehehe... :-)

[Dan from Michigan]

Yeah...College Football...Sportscenter...NFL...NHL...Great Outdoor Games...

[proud American in Canada]

LOL!

"I don't think it will. Lesbians are known for their unfashionableness, whereas gay guys are supposed to know everything about fashion."

I have to say, in Denver I lived next to a lesbian couple; it would be hard to find two homlier women. I mean, they could have been good looking, but they purposely didn't want to. They don't want to attract male attention--notice they almost always have butchered hair?

Then when we sold our house to move to Canada, I had a gay guy as a realtor. He came into the house and I swear, in fifteen minutes, he moved around the couch and shuffled a few things around, the place looked better than it had in ten years. Yeah, gay men really are good at decorating, etc. Weird, but true, at least in my experience.

[Cathryn Crawford]

Yeah...College Football...Sportscenter...NFL...NHL...Great Outdoor Games...

But...but...but...no Straight Eye For The Homo Guy? You don't want to be the "Straight Eye"? You could makeover these gay guys! It would be great!

[PokeyJoe]

Scrappleface.

Oh, but only if it were true.

Sounds like something that the Comedy Channel might do though.... maybe on the man show.

I'll volunteer to be one of the man's men.

[Cathryn Crawford]

I'll volunteer to be one of the man's men.

You know, that doesn't sound very good...

[TC Rider]

However, it may not be possible for them to teach him how to fart like a regular guy.

Uh, is that possible once those sphincters are..

..nevermind, I don't think I want to know.

[lainie]

[Scenic Sounds]

You'll be watching this one alone, I'd wager.

LOL. Yeah, with the curtains drawn tight. ;-)

[Rockitz]

I actually liked the makeover the Queer Eye guys did on Jay Leno last night on the Tonight Show although a black turtle neck in August in LA is a bit of a stretch.

[Cathryn Crawford]

LOL. Yeah, with the curtains drawn tight. ;-)

I should hope so! We don't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

[Cathryn Crawford]

Did anyone else see them on Buchanan and Press the other day? They were saying that GWB needed to stop washing his face with bar soap.

[freeangel]

Does this mean homosexuals are now out of the bedroom and have been made an official sport? Is homosexual now a verb?

[x]

"Chaste Eye for the Gay Bishop": Four guys who couldn't get a date to save their lives instruct a clergyman ...

[Pappy Smear]

I thought that maybe this was about Shockey of the Giants helping out Parcells of the Cowboys. Since apparently Shockey thinks Parcells is a Homo.

"It is so homo to have a star on your helmet."

[Capriole]

So, when is the Lesbian eye for the Straight Girl premiering?

I don't think they'd have too many episodes. There isn't much that lesbians can teach us. A lot of us decidedly straight ladies already know how to shoot, drive a tractor or backhoe, and use power tools.

[stripes1776]

A lot of us decidedly straight ladies already know how to shoot, drive a tractor or backhoe, and use power tools.

It's so comforting to know that all women are now members of the proletariat.

[JoeSixPack1]

I may watch, dunno.

But you need to watch AND take notes!

BECAUSE--

<|:-)~~

[lainde]

I'm with you...I think it would be GREAT TV and give the Queer Eye a run for it's money. Seriously!

[Dan from Michigan]

But...but...but...no Straight Eye For The Homo Guy? You don't want to be the "Straight Eye"? You could makeover these gay guys! It would be great!

All I can think of is Sparky the Dog on South Park.

"Act straight Sparky..act straight!! Don't be gay!"