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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Bi-Partisan Vote Puts Biden on Alabama Ballot [semi-satire]

    05/04/2024 2:23:44 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 May 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, Gov. Kay Ivey (R-Ala) signed a bill that will ensure President Biden's name is on the state's November ballot. The Governor praised the bi-partisan cooperation, saying "in a democracy, it is essential that both major Parties cooperate to give voters a choice in who they want as their president. Just because Special Counsel Robert Hur declined to prosecute Biden because he is an elderly man with a poor memory doesn't mean voters in our state should be denied the opportunity to cast their ballots for him." Biden campaign manager Julie Chávez Rodríguez called the bi-partisan action "a necessary...
  • Dems Debate Anti-Israel Protests [semi-satire]

    05/04/2024 4:35:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 May 2024 | John Semmens
    This week police were called in to oust protesters who seized control of Hamilton Hall on the Columbia University campus in New York City, smashing glass doors and windows in the process. Sen. John Fetterman (D-Penn) hailed the decision to "remove these anti-Semitic thugs from the property. This is no 'peace protest.' It is a demonstration in support of the Hamas terrorists who slaughtered over a 1,200 Israeli civilians last October 7 and demands the elimination of the Jewish presence in the region." Mayor Eric Adams (D) objected to "the trashing of the premises, tearing down the American flag, and...
  • Special Privileges for Some [semi-satire]

    05/01/2024 11:48:31 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    In the sanctuary city of Denver, Colorado, Mayor Mike Johnson (D) announced that "we will provide a long-term, sustainable response to address the migrant crisis. This program will offer six months of free housing, food assistance, workforce training and more to the migrants currently in the city's shelter system as they wait for federal authorization to work." Housing advocacy group Housekeys Action Network Denver (HAND) slammed Johnston, calling the City's efforts "inadequate." Willy Bastidas, a migrant, said "I think that it's insufficient. The mayor doesn't adequately represent immigrants' interests. He needs to listen to us and work with us toward...
  • White House OK with Slow GDP Growth [semi-satire]

    04/30/2024 11:03:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    White House Council of Economic Advisers Chair Jared Bernstein dismissed concerns that the economy is under-performing, saying "I can't get myself worked up over mere statistics in the GDP or CPI. Folks don't eat the GDP. The CPI includes volatile components like food, energy, and housing. If we exclude the price spikes in these areas inflation doesn't look so bad." "A key strength that our Republican critics overlook is that government spending remains robust," Bernstein added. "Under Bidenomics we're not at the mercy of private sector investments for economic growth. Their anti-social quest for increased profits is supplanted by a...
  • 10 Essential Life Skills Your Kid Will Learn At An Ivy League University

    04/29/2024 3:16:40 PM PDT · by DFG · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 04/29/2024 | Babylon Bee
    Ivy Leagues have been making the headlines lately, but what can students actually learn at a prestigious university these days? The answers may surprise you. The Babylon Bee is here to put parents' minds at ease with the following list of critical life skills their kids will learn at an Ivy League school: 1) How to plagiarize dissertations: Learn from the real experts. 2) How to pitch a Coleman pup tent purchased from Walmart by George Soros: Those little poles can be tricky, so learning how to assemble them is a big deal. 3) How to chant in unison by...
  • DOJ Withholds Audio of Biden Interview [semi-satire]

    04/29/2024 9:55:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, the Department of Justice (DOJ) refused to comply with a Congressional subpoena for the audio of Special Counsel Robert Hur's interview of President Biden. It was this interview that prompted Hur to decline to prosecute Biden even though he had mishandled classified documents because "he would present himself as an elderly man with a poor memory and be acquitted." Assistant Attorney General Carlos Uriarte defended defying the subpoena, saying "the written transcript alone should be enough for them. After all, we could have refused to give them anything. Their threat to hold me in contempt of Congress is...
  • New Law Allows Pro-Lifers to Enter Abortion Clinics [semi-satire]

    04/28/2024 11:39:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Italy's Senate passed a law which allows regions to permit groups "with a qualified experience supporting motherhood" to have access to women considering abortions at public clinics. Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni said "allowing those with a pro-life message into abortion clinics is intended to fully inform women. I believe that we must guarantee a free choice and I believe that to make a free choice you need to have all the necessary information." Silvana Agatone, president of the pro-choice association LAIGA, objected to the law saying "these pro-life advocates don't have the medical training or the credentials to give accurate...
  • AZ Gov Defends Squatting [semi-satire]

    04/27/2024 11:39:36 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    A trend sweeping America is for people to break into unoccupied homes and resist eviction by claiming "squatter's rights." Some states, notably New York, explicitly facilitate this crime by declaring that a trespasser who can rebuff the owner's efforts to remove him for 30 days qualifies for "tenants rights." In an effort to ensure that intruders don't inflict these same crimes on Arizona home owners, the legislature passed a bipartisan bill (SB 1129) that would have permitted a homeowner to request law enforcement to immediately remove a squatter from his or her property. This bill was vetoed by Gov. Katie...
  • Israel Withdraws From Gaza After Learning Of Protest By 19-Year-Old Fine Arts Major Roxy Barnett

    04/27/2024 9:41:27 AM PDT · by DFG · 17 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 04/27/2024 | Babylon Bee
    GAZA — Israel announced its complete withdrawal from the Gaza Strip after learning this morning of a protest from a 19-year-old Fine Arts major at Northwestern University named Roxy Barnett. "Oh my goodness -- we've upset Roxy," said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as he was briefed on the protest. "I feel so foolish! The war is over, boys. Let Hamas stay in power, forget the hostages, everybody out of Gaza, immediately!!" According to Israeli intel, Barnett had made a small sign out of cardboard and skipped class to walk around campus chanting. "When I learned of this 19-year-old in...
  • Scope of Presidential Immunity Discussed [semi-satire]

    04/27/2024 12:02:12 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, the US Supreme Court heard arguments over the scope of presidential immunity. The issue arose as a result of special counsel Jack Smith's prosecution of former President Donald Trump for questioning the outcome of the 2020 election. During the discussion, Justice Brett Kavanaugh asked about former President Obama's drone strikes on American citizens. Department of Justice (DOJ) attorney Michael Dreeben said "we looked at this very carefully and determined that the federal murder statute does apply to the executive branch. So, if the president orders that someone be killed it is considered a lawful act. President Obama ordered...
  • How Harshly Should Obstruction Be Punished? [semi-satire]

    04/26/2024 11:02:39 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week the US Supreme Court heard oral arguments in the case of Fischer vs. United States. This concerns the severity of punishment given to many defendants convicted of trespassing in the Capitol on January 6, 2021. Solicitor General Elizabeth Prelogar, representing the Department of Justice was being questioned by several of the Associate Justices. Justice Paul Gorsuch wondered whether "initiating a false fire alarm like Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) did in order to obstruct a House vote on a bill would be sufficient to trigger a 20-year prison sentence?" Prelogar said "no, because the delay was only a few...
  • VIDEO: My Caribbean Cruise Vacation Starts TOMORROW!

    04/26/2024 8:21:56 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 26 replies
    Rumble ^ | April 26, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOI'm on my way to the ABC Islands of the Caribbean for eight days aboard the Celebrity Beyond starting Saturday April 27. The first place I hit will be the Ocean View Café BUFFET bar where not only a plethora of delicious food is awaiting me for lunch tomorrow but also I can start drinking again. In fact, I think I might start drinking a few beers today so all those drinks won't be a complete shock to my system. Oh, and our Steve Kane Radio Show group also has a serious mission project aboard ship. Namely to try out...
  • Hamas Thanks College Student Supporters By Promising Them A Quick Death During Global Intifada

    04/25/2024 3:05:34 PM PDT · by DFG · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 04/25/2024 | Babylon Bee
    RAFAH — Hamas has issued a statement of thanks to American university students for their unwavering support over the past few weeks, promising that, in return, the deaths of university students in the coming global intifada would be relatively quick and painless. "Our cold hearts have been warmed by the unquestioning loyalty of American college students," said Hamas spokesman Muhammed Muhammed Al-Muhammed Muhammed to reporters. "As a token of our gratitude, we will shoot you and blow you up instead of cutting your heads off while raping you when we globalize our glorious intifada and cleanse the world of all...
  • VIDEO: TDS Tourist ARRESTED for Keying Truck With "Let's Go Brandon!" Bumper Sticker

    04/25/2024 3:01:07 PM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 56 replies
    Rumble ^ | April 25, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOThe biggest mistake a TDS liberal from New York can make is keying a MAGA vehicle in the FREE state of Florida. Just look at what happened to one Richard Brothers of Syracuse, New York who keyed a pickup truck in a supermarket parking lot in the Lower Keys of Florida that had a "Let's Go Brandon!" bumper sticker. Brothers at first ACTED like he didn't know why the very polite officer from the Monroe County Sheriffs Department had approached him. However, after being confronted with surveillance of him doing the dirty deed he quickly confessed. Watch as poor Dick...
  • Sad: College Student So Caught Up Harassing Jews He Forgot About Term Paper On Inclusion

    04/25/2024 12:30:18 PM PDT · by DFG · 14 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 04/25/2024 | Babylon Bee
    BOSTON, MA — A frantic Harvard student realized this week he'd been so busy harassing Jewish students on campus that he'd forgotten to write his final term paper on the importance of inclusion. "Oh, man! I was so busy painting ‘Death to Jews' on the doors to the Ethics and Inclusion department that I totally forgot to write my big term paper on how essential inclusion and tolerance are to our society!" Harvard student Todd Davies told reporters. "I mean, with all the hate directed at DEI programs these days, writing a paper about the need to be inclusive was...
  • Biden Peace Plan for Gaza Thwarted [semi-satire]

    04/24/2024 10:38:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    The Biden Administration's efforts to bring peace to Gaza by supporting the Palestinian Authority (PA) went awry went the money the US provided was spent to reward the families of martyrs in the fight against the Jewish occupation of Palestine. Spokesman for the PA Jenin Adnan Abu Aisheh emphasized that "compensating the heros of Islam is, and always has been, our highest priority." US Secretary of State Tony Blinken said "it is profoundly disappointing to see the aid we have given to the PA diverted to furthering the conflict. By taking the PA's side in their struggle for dominance against...
  • VIDEO: Britain In Competition With Belgium For World's WORST Military Marchers

    04/24/2024 7:38:34 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 36 replies
    Rumble ^ | April 24, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOUntil now, Belgium had the reputation for having the world's worst military marchers. However, it now appears that the British military is in strong contention for that title. As you can see its not just that the Brits in this video are horribly out of synch while marching, they also put little to no effort in swinging their arms. It's no wonder since many of them look their would prefer to swing their arms to grab a ham sandwich. Oh, and could the Brits exhibit just a slight bit of enthusiasm in their marching? I remember as a kid seeing...
  • "Appalling Arrest" [semi-satire]

    04/23/2024 1:39:40 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Rep. Ilhan Omar's (D-Minn) daughter Isra Hirsi was one of 108 students arrested at the request of Columbia University President Nemat "Minouche" Shafik. "I took this extraordinary step because these are extraordinary circumstances. The individuals who established the encampment violated a long list of rules and policies. The vile and overt anti-Semitism has made many other students feel unsafe." Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) called the arrests "an unjustified suppression of freedom of speech. These students are protesting Israel's indiscriminate massacre of Palestinians in retaliation for Hamas' heroic October attack against the Jews' illegal occupation of Palestine. Instead of removing these...
  • VIDEO: Morning Joe Legal Guest Reveals EVIDENCE-FREE Trump Trial

    04/23/2024 8:44:27 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 18 replies
    Rumble ^ | April 23, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOThe Biden-directed prosecution of President Donald Trump in the Manhattan trial is so pathetically weak that even the MSNBC Legal Correspondent Lisa Rubin was forced to admit that the prosecution presented NO EVIDENCE of Trump's personal guilt. You just know that if the prosecutors had slam dump evidence of Trump's supposed guilt, they would have presented it at the get-go of this CORRUPT trial. This trial is starting to resemble the EVIDENCE=FREE impeachment trial of Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton last year when the case completely fell apart in the state senate when the prosecution's witnesses were forced to admit...
  • VIDEO: Brian Craig Makes Suggestion on Improving Trump NY Press Conference Audio Quality

    04/22/2024 9:37:10 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 3 replies
    Rumble ^ | April 22, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEO Steve Kane Radio Show co-host Brian Craig made a technical suggestion on how to help President Trump counter the absolutely CORRUPT trial now going on in Manhattan. It has to do with how his press conferences are staged at the end of the trial days. It's unbelievable that a CORRUPT judge, Juan Merchan, can PROFIT via his CORRUPT family to the tune of millions of dollars via a kangaroo court trial of President Trump. Brian Craig reveals how President Trump can better make his voice heard revealing the utter CORRUPTION of this trial. Oh, and Dana Bash. Unless you...