| Transcript |
| 0:01 | what did people in the middle ages |
| 0:03 | really find funny it would seem that |
| 0:06 | these same things have been found to be |
| 0:08 | amusing right across the ages many of |
| 0:10 | the riddles that the medievals told have |
| 0:12 | double entendres and the jokes are rude |
| 0:14 | with references to sex and bodily |
| 0:17 | functions no one was exempt from being |
| 0:19 | the target of a medieval joke stupid |
| 0:22 | husbands unfaithful wives bishops |
| 0:24 | royalty even yo mama in today's episode |
| 0:27 | we're going to try something a little |
| 0:28 | different and reel off a compilation of |
| 0:31 | medieval jokes and humor |
| 0:33 | welcome to medieval madness |
| 0:47 | rude riddles |
| 0:49 | a very famous manuscript was written in |
| 0:52 | anglo-saxon england in around the late |
| 0:54 | 10th century the anthology of poetry |
| 0:57 | written in old english is known as the |
| 0:58 | exeter book many of these riddles are |
| 1:01 | instructive in nature and because the |
| 1:03 | book was written down by catholic monks |
| 1:05 | the answers usually involve animals or |
| 1:07 | things that occur in the natural world |
| 1:09 | but in amongst these moral riddles are |
| 1:11 | several brain teasers with sexual |
| 1:13 | overtones and that might feel strange |
| 1:15 | when we consider these monks were |
| 1:17 | supposedly pious and pure in thought |
| 1:20 | let's face it dirty riddles aren't |
| 1:21 | really much different to dirty jokes |
| 1:23 | here is one of the naughtier ones see if |
| 1:26 | you can guess it |
| 1:28 | splendidly it hangs by a man's thigh |
| 1:31 | under the master's cloak |
| 1:32 | in front is a hole |
| 1:35 | it is stiff and hard it has a godly |
| 1:37 | place |
| 1:38 | when the young man his own garment lifts |
| 1:41 | over his knee he wishes to visit with |
| 1:43 | the head of what hangs the familiar hull |
| 1:45 | he had often filled with its equal |
| 1:47 | length |
| 1:49 | did you get it that's right the answer |
| 1:51 | is |
| 1:52 | a key |
| 1:53 | and if your brain went anywhere else you |
| 1:55 | clearly need jesus the answer is a key |
| 1:58 | because it would hang under his cloak |
| 2:00 | probably on a chain tied around the |
| 2:02 | waist it's hard because the key is made |
| 2:04 | from metal and it has to be lifted up |
| 2:06 | and entered into a keyhole |
| 2:12 | joke books |
| 2:14 | these next two jokes are from francesco |
| 2:17 | petraka who was one of the first great |
| 2:19 | italian humanists the first is actually |
| 2:22 | a joke from ancient rome but it was very |
| 2:24 | popular with the medievals and was found |
| 2:26 | in one of leonardo da vinci's notebooks |
| 2:28 | the first joke goes that the famous |
| 2:30 | artist lucius mallius had very ugly |
| 2:33 | children he was dining with a friend who |
| 2:35 | saw the children and remarked |
| 2:37 | your children are not as attractive as |
| 2:39 | your paintings mallius to which mallius |
| 2:41 | replied well that's true but it's |
| 2:43 | because i make pictures in the daylight |
| 2:45 | and children in the dark |
| 2:48 | another joke was about the poet dante |
| 2:50 | who was well known throughout his life |
| 2:51 | for his sharp humor dante was dining |
| 2:54 | with some guests from the nobility the |
| 2:56 | lord of the manor was stuffed full with |
| 2:58 | wine and food and was sweating profusely |
| 3:01 | he wouldn't stop talking and was saying |
| 3:03 | all sorts of stupid pointless things and |
| 3:05 | much of it was lies |
| 3:07 | dante quietly listened for a long time |
| 3:10 | indignant finally believing that dante's |
| 3:13 | silence meant that he approved of his |
| 3:14 | chatter the lord grabbed hold of dante |
| 3:16 | with his sweaty hand and said |
| 3:18 | what don't you agree that a man who |
| 3:20 | speaks the truth doesn't have to work at |
| 3:22 | it to which dante quickly replied i was |
| 3:25 | just wondering why you were sweating so |
| 3:27 | much |
| 3:28 | but it was poggio brachiolini who |
| 3:31 | provided us with his most famous joke |
| 3:33 | book that is still read today poggio was |
| 3:35 | an italian scholar who spent a lot of |
| 3:37 | his life working for the papacy where he |
| 3:39 | served a total of seven popes |
| 3:42 | he printed the fasishi which translates |
| 3:44 | from the latin as the word humor his |
| 3:47 | first anthology of jokes in 1470 which |
| 3:50 | he wrote because he believed that quote |
| 3:52 | it is proper and almost a matter of |
| 3:54 | necessity that our mind weighed down by |
| 3:57 | a variety of cares and anxieties should |
| 4:00 | now and then enjoy relaxation from its |
| 4:02 | constant labor and be incited to |
| 4:04 | cheerfulness and mirth by some humorous |
| 4:07 | recreation |
| 4:08 | most of the jokes are directed at |
| 4:10 | corrupt clergymen stupid peasants and |
| 4:12 | the quote insatiable sexual appetites of |
| 4:15 | women the following are a few of the |
| 4:18 | stories found in his book |
| 4:23 | naughty girl |
| 4:24 | a young florentine woman was about to |
| 4:27 | give birth she was in a lot of pain so |
| 4:29 | the midwife with a candle in her hand |
| 4:31 | bent down to have a look at the woman's |
| 4:33 | private parts to see if the baby was |
| 4:34 | coming look on the other side said the |
| 4:37 | poor woman my husband has sometimes |
| 4:39 | taken that road |
| 4:41 | the fat abbott |
| 4:44 | the abbot of septimo was quite the |
| 4:46 | corpulent man or in other words |
| 4:47 | incredibly fat he was on his way into |
| 4:50 | florence one evening when he asked the |
| 4:51 | peasant |
| 4:52 | do you think i will be able to enter the |
| 4:54 | gate what he actually meant was do you |
| 4:56 | think i will be able to get to the city |
| 4:58 | before they close the gates for the |
| 4:59 | night |
| 5:00 | but the country worker who had noticed |
| 5:02 | the man's size said |
| 5:04 | of course you will a cart load of hay |
| 5:06 | can get through so why shouldn't you |
| 5:10 | the bird net |
| 5:11 | a florentine youth went down to the |
| 5:13 | river arno with one of the nets that the |
| 5:15 | women used to wash wool a young boy who |
| 5:18 | saw him there asked |
| 5:19 | what sort of birds are you gonna catch |
| 5:21 | with that net the youth replied i'm |
| 5:24 | going to the outlet of the brothel to |
| 5:25 | spread my net there and catch your |
| 5:27 | mother then be sure to search carefully |
| 5:29 | the boy snapped back for you will surely |
| 5:31 | find yours there too |
| 5:33 | which isn't too different to the |
| 5:34 | conversations i had as a kid |
| 5:38 | the bishop's teeth |
| 5:40 | there was an old bishop who complained |
| 5:41 | that he had lost many teeth of the ones |
| 5:43 | he had left they were loose and he was |
| 5:45 | afraid that they would fall out soon as |
| 5:47 | well don't be afraid they won't fall |
| 5:49 | assured one of his friends and why not |
| 5:52 | ask the bishop |
| 5:53 | his friend answered because my testicles |
| 5:56 | have been hanging loose for over 40 |
| 5:58 | years as though they were going to fall |
| 5:59 | off but here they still are |
| 6:02 | the depth |
| 6:03 | a florentine man that i knew was in rome |
| 6:06 | and needed to buy a horse he went to the |
| 6:08 | trader who wanted 25 gold ducats in cash |
| 6:11 | price was far too high for my friend so |
| 6:14 | he made a counteroffer of 15 ducats cash |
| 6:17 | and owe the rest the trader agreed the |
| 6:20 | following day the horse dealer asked the |
| 6:22 | outstanding balance but my friend |
| 6:24 | refused to pay it saying |
| 6:26 | it was settled we had an agreement that |
| 6:27 | i was to be your debtor if i was to pay |
| 6:29 | you then i would no longer be so |
| 6:34 | little old wine drinker me |
| 6:36 | an eminent wine connoisseur caught a |
| 6:38 | fever which made him even thirstier than |
| 6:40 | usual |
| 6:41 | several doctors came to help him and |
| 6:43 | were discussing how to rid the sick man |
| 6:45 | of both his fever and his thirst |
| 6:47 | busy yourselves with the fever only said |
| 6:49 | the man i'll take good care of the |
| 6:51 | thirst |
| 6:53 | child prodigy |
| 6:55 | a roman cardinal named angelotto had a |
| 6:58 | nasty disposition |
| 6:59 | during pope eugene's visit to florence a |
| 7:02 | very clever 10 year old child paid him a |
| 7:03 | compliment angelotto was astonished at |
| 7:06 | the child's enthusiasm and questioned |
| 7:08 | him closely but the child was able to |
| 7:10 | answer each question correctly cardinal |
| 7:13 | angelotto turned to his assistants and |
| 7:15 | said those who show such wit and |
| 7:17 | proficiency from childhood when they get |
| 7:19 | older their intelligence declines and |
| 7:21 | they become fools in their old age quick |
| 7:24 | as a flash the child replied well then |
| 7:26 | you must have been outstanding in wisdom |
| 7:28 | and knowledge when you were young |
| 7:30 | finding wisdom |
| 7:32 | the very famous bolognese doctor |
| 7:34 | giovanni andrea was having intercourse |
| 7:36 | with his maidservant when he was caught |
| 7:38 | by his wife |
| 7:40 | the lady was horrified at the unwanted |
| 7:41 | scandal and asked her husband where now |
| 7:44 | giovanni is that precious wisdom |
| 7:47 | here in this hall was his quick reply |
| 7:49 | and very comfortable it is too |
| 7:51 | [Music] |
| 7:53 | unbelievable |
| 7:55 | a priest was preaching a sermon to his |
| 7:57 | congregation he was telling the story of |
| 8:00 | jesus when he fed the five thousand with |
| 8:02 | just five loaves of bread |
| 8:04 | but the priest said five hundred people |
| 8:06 | by mistake instead of five thousand |
| 8:08 | his clerk quickly whispered to him |
| 8:10 | calling attention to his slip up but the |
| 8:12 | priest turned to him saying be quiet you |
| 8:14 | full they'll find it hard enough to |
| 8:16 | believe it was 500. |
| 8:20 | always tell the truth |
| 8:22 | two friends were out together walking |
| 8:24 | along the streets of florence one of |
| 8:26 | them who was tall but plump and with a |
| 8:28 | weathered complexion noticed a young |
| 8:30 | woman passing by with her mother |
| 8:32 | there passes a charming and lovely |
| 8:34 | beauty he said jokingly a shame that |
| 8:37 | cannot be said of you the girl retorted |
| 8:39 | perfectly yes it could the man answered |
| 8:41 | if a person lied just as i have done |
| 8:46 | little piggy |
| 8:47 | at a village in the region of pacino it |
| 8:49 | was tradition that when a pig was killed |
| 8:51 | in the winter that everyone in the |
| 8:53 | neighborhood was to be invited to dinner |
| 8:55 | one particularly mean farmer wanted to |
| 8:57 | avoid the expense and asked his friend |
| 8:59 | what he should do |
| 9:00 | tomorrow you need to tell everybody that |
| 9:03 | your pig has been stolen during the |
| 9:04 | night said his friend and that is |
| 9:07 | exactly what his friend did he stole the |
| 9:09 | farmer's pig that night without his |
| 9:10 | knowledge the next day the farmer |
| 9:12 | realized that his pig was missing and |
| 9:14 | ran straight to his friend's house |
| 9:16 | shouting that his pig had been stolen |
| 9:18 | well done said his friend that's exactly |
| 9:20 | what i told you to say |
| 9:23 | catching the breeze |
| 9:25 | cardinal diconti was a very corpulent |
| 9:28 | man who had been out hunting at noon he |
| 9:30 | came to the table for dinner as it was |
| 9:33 | the height of summer he was perspiring a |
| 9:34 | lot and asked for someone to call him |
| 9:36 | down with a fan the servants had all |
| 9:39 | left the room so he turned to avado lupi |
| 9:41 | the apostolic secretary to help him i'm |
| 9:44 | not sure how to help you said the |
| 9:46 | secretary |
| 9:47 | never mind said the cardinal just do |
| 9:49 | whatever you think will work |
| 9:51 | with that the secretary lifted his leg |
| 9:53 | and let out the most booming fart from |
| 9:55 | the very depths of his bowels saying |
| 9:57 | that is how i make a breeze for myself |
| 10:00 | everyone in attendance naturally fell |
| 10:02 | into fits of laughter |
| 10:04 | [Music] |
| 10:06 | hair today gone tomorrow |
| 10:08 | and this final joke was written by the |
| 10:10 | 14th century belgium poet jean de cund a |
| 10:14 | game of truth was being played at court |
| 10:15 | by the queen and her entourage the queen |
| 10:18 | asks one of the knights have you |
| 10:20 | fathered any children to which he |
| 10:22 | replies i am afraid not |
| 10:24 | the queen nods in agreement and says |
| 10:27 | yes you do not look like the sort of man |
| 10:29 | that could please a woman when you hold |
| 10:30 | her naked in your arms your little beard |
| 10:32 | is just like the sort of fuzz that a |
| 10:34 | woman has in a private place and it is |
| 10:36 | easy to see from the condition of the |
| 10:37 | hay whether the pitchfork is any good |
| 10:40 | quickly the knight asks lady answer me |
| 10:43 | truthfully is there any hair between |
| 10:45 | your legs to which the queen answers |
| 10:47 | none at all |
| 10:49 | quickly the knight snaps back i believe |
| 10:51 | you four grass does not grow on a |
| 10:53 | well-beaten path |
| 10:56 | thank you for watching this episode of |
| 10:57 | medieval madness a little different from |
| 10:59 | my usual format so please let us know |
| 11:01 | below if you enjoyed it and leave a |
| 11:03 | comment with your favorite jokes i'd |
| 11:04 | love to read them medieval or otherwise |
| 11:06 | hope everyone has a fantastic week |
| 11:08 | cheers |
