ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[fanfan]

I hope at least one of you has the winning power ball ticket!

[ArGee]

Then don’t an who wrote the Android OS. You won’t want to know.

[ArGee]

an = ask

Sheesh!

[Darksheare]

*lurk...lurk...lurk...lurk*

[NicknamedBob]

"I hope at least one of you has the winning power ball ticket!"

As I compute things, my odds of winning would be increased only slightly if I actually bought a ticket.

[fanfan]

Or maybe one of you has the wining ticket. The most we can win in Canada is $60M, and that’s Canadian. That’s only $42M American.

[fanfan]

True, but for almost a billion dollars Canadian.....

I’d buy one. How much are they?

[NicknamedBob]

I wouldn’t want to win it, for the same reason that I don’t smoke cigarettes. Too much of it would be going to the government in the form of taxes.

[NicknamedBob]

"How much are they?"

You couldn't focus in on a wronger person to ask that question.

[null and void]

I've drafted a letter about the little ol' lady who can't walk and can hardly drive.

[Tax-chick]

Not me.

[Tax-chick]

No, you didn’t say that before. I hope the Powers are able to help her.

[Tax-chick]

[Monkey Face]

Squee!!!

I saw a gif like that with a mom cat and a cat-in-training, where the little one was having a nightmare. The mom cat pulled the little one close and hugged it tight. That gif was so full of squee!!

[Tax-chick]

According to the source, the mother cat had a litter of five, but this little orange one was her favorite.

[Monkey Face]

If she used a walker, it wouldn’t be so worrisome, but she just shuffles wherever she goes. Her driving scares me because she parks right next to me. *shudder*

[Monkey Face]

It woulda been MY favorite, too! LOL!!

[Monkey Face]

I don’t gamble, and I live 30 miles from CA, where a lot of folks go to get their lottery tickets.

[Covenantor]

Toasty cat

[Monkey Face]

Yep. That would be a heat hog, for sure! LOL!