Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,981-2,0002,001-2,0202,021-2,040 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

True, he’s only 6.


2,001 posted on 01/12/2016 11:54:02 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1998 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Gah, I was hoping to get that, but I was distracted by Pat.


2,002 posted on 01/12/2016 11:54:25 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2000 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Nothing can be done but replacement of the hard drive. At this point, that seems like a no-brainer.

Or something a bit more arcane but nonetheless effective...


2,003 posted on 01/12/2016 11:55:36 AM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1999 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

You’d think Dell service department could figure that out.


2,004 posted on 01/12/2016 11:57:28 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2003 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I dunno..THEY are the furriners!


2,005 posted on 01/12/2016 12:03:15 PM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2004 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face
So.. Have lunch. ;-)


2,006 posted on 01/12/2016 12:13:12 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2005 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face
Nothing can be done but replacement of the hard drive.

Not accessing the internet is probably not a hard drive issue but a settings issue. Does it boot? Does everything else work? If so then it's 99.99999% probable that it's not a hard drive problem.

If it doesn't boot on the other hand and you are left looking at an expensive brick, it points to the hard drive with the same degree of probablility..

2,007 posted on 01/12/2016 12:19:22 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (/.John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2003 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz

The fried chicken sounds good and so does the wine! LOL!


2,008 posted on 01/12/2016 12:19:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2006 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

You can have the next 000!

I just boxed up the Dell and will wait for instructions from New Delhi, TX. That is REALLY disappointing.

When I walked down to get the mail, the pill alarm was ringing when I got back. I could hear it from the end of the walk. *sheesh*


2,009 posted on 01/12/2016 12:22:12 PM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2002 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz

It will boot up, and I get beyond the password page, but no further.

It won’t recognize the flash drive, either. So I boxed it back up and I’m still using the Toshiba.


2,010 posted on 01/12/2016 12:25:23 PM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2007 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

How in the world did even the hard drive have anything to with accessing the Internet.

Do you know how to tell if the Dell is connecting with the Wireless Access Point?

Which (so-called) OS are you running?


2,011 posted on 01/12/2016 12:27:13 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1994 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz
Dry ice flakes, eh?

Oh yes, it's all in the settled Science. LoL. :)

2,012 posted on 01/12/2016 12:41:33 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1992 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face
MM
WooHoo! You've hit the Jackpot!
Red, Yellow, Blue ,Green, Orange, or Brown, what your favourite colour M&M ?
2,013 posted on 01/12/2016 12:44:01 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2000 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Can I trade the M&Ms for wine?


2,014 posted on 01/12/2016 12:48:34 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2013 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

The more I learn, the less I seem to know what is going on.

It is doing the same thing it was doing when I sent it in for repairs, and until it messed in it’s shoe, it was working fairly well, with a few glitches...like the screen going black, failure or slow to load, and stalling when I changed screens.

That’s what I know. Now, because I can’t access the internet, I don’t know if it will do the same thing or not.

The router is new, and that works just fine, and did from the day I got it. The trouble with the computer didn’t start for several months after the new router was installed.


2,015 posted on 01/12/2016 12:52:08 PM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2011 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Because after all, replacing those parts fixes internets issues!
(Topped off Lolcats reservoir, because -reasons)


2,016 posted on 01/12/2016 12:53:49 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1994 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I would love to go buy some wine. That seems to be what I need for what ails me. But it would break me.

Right now, I just want to cry. Or erase the day. Or start over. Or all of the above.


2,017 posted on 01/12/2016 12:53:55 PM PST by Monkey Face (A lie has many variations; the truth, none. ~~ African proverb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2014 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Sure,
As long as you like New Zealand Sauvignon blanc, ‘cos that’s all i’ve got in the cupboard.
:D


2,018 posted on 01/12/2016 12:54:06 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2014 | View Replies]

To: Darksheare

That’s exactly what I asked myself when I read the report that came with the computer. How is THAT supposed to fix what’s wrong?


2,019 posted on 01/12/2016 12:55:41 PM PST by Monkey Face
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2016 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Remember that command line we joked about? Do you know how to get to it in your current OS? Can you type “ipconfig” and press enter and tell me:

1) Does it give you an IPv4 address something like 127.12.15.3?
2) Does it give you a Subnet Mask?
3) Does it give you a Default Gateway?

NOTE: It may give you some information about a few different devices. If you’re wirless, I only need the information for the WiFi adapter.


2,020 posted on 01/12/2016 1:34:52 PM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2015 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,981-2,0002,001-2,0202,021-2,040 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson