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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

If you paid for it, it’s time to get your money back.

It probably got damaged in shipping to them and they fixed that not even looking at the slip based on what was wrong when you sent it.

With all that said, if it’s a configuration problem between your Dell and your wireless access point, especially one called by your upgrade to Win-Tin-Tin, they probably can’t find or fix the problem at their labs.

Did you ever try resetting it to factory specs?


2,261 posted on 01/18/2016 8:13:41 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: Tax-chick; All

Good morning.

Today we’re celebrating the life of a black leader who had two black parents and actually lived in conditions of oppression, which he sought to resolve. Not that I’m comparing him to someone else living now, right?

Anyway, NYC has the day off so I’m elsewhere getting my car repaired for a lower price. I’ll have about an hour’s walk to pick it up when it’s ready. And it’s cold here. Currently 19 going to a high of 22. I guess I’ll earn my big-boy pants today.


2,262 posted on 01/18/2016 8:20:23 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

If I have to go online for that, I can’t do it. Trying to restore it to factory settings is what sent it into conniption fits to begin with.

However, I will consider that later this week.


2,263 posted on 01/18/2016 8:21:52 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
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To: Tax-chick

The laundry is done, and I used all my quarters and have only enough detergent for two more loads. Never-ending cycle. It’s overcast and ugly out. And I want a nap.

Two weeks left before February. Already.


2,264 posted on 01/18/2016 8:41:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
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To: ArGee

You know, I just re-read your post and now I’m getting a little ticked off. I told the repair tech at least four times in two days, that it all started when I tried to restore it to factory specs.

How could they NOT understand what was going on with the laptop when I reiterated it so many times? I will send another email, as soon as I get a response to the one I sent on Saturday. If they don’t respond to it by the end of the day tomorrow, I will send a second one.

This is really getting to me.


2,265 posted on 01/18/2016 8:46:50 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
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To: Monkey Face

Sorry, I didn’t mean to tick you off.

I’m a manager in a software development group and one thing I can tell you is how easy it is for people to come away with the wrong answer no matter how many times and in how many ways you try to tell them the right one.

And the people I work with speak English most of their day, not just when on the phone.

I don’t claim to unnerstand it. There’s probably some deep psycherology behind it. But dat’s de way it is.


2,266 posted on 01/18/2016 9:07:04 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
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To: ArGee

I’m not ticked off at you, by any stretch. I’m ticked off because I couldn’t get the techs to understand that I’m not a stupid woman, and there are some things I can do by myself.

When the late Igor was in Arabia, teaching electronics and English to the Royal Saudi Air Force, I would try to call him. Because of the position of women, if the International Operator was female, the Saudi operator would disconnect the call.

I felt the same frustration with Dell as I did when I was making calls to Arabia. It stinks.

*sheesh*


2,267 posted on 01/18/2016 9:27:16 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
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To: Tax-chick

You’re saying the Princess of Ebil is really ebil? That pretty little redhead? Nah...

I’ve been fighting sleep since I got back from the laundry room this morning, and I’m not going to fight it any more. I’m going to bed.


2,268 posted on 01/18/2016 1:14:12 PM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
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To: Tax-chick

Yes, 2 of them are Blue Merle like Dad. One is Red Merle (kind of creamy coloured) like no one, but it’s in the genes somewhere.


2,269 posted on 01/18/2016 1:17:59 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: Monkey Face

Only in fits and starts, like the period when she was taking her shoes off every day, providing a bad example for all the other children, and then there was the toilet-training crisis ...


2,270 posted on 01/18/2016 1:18:37 PM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
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To: fanfan

There a handsome batch of puppies. I hope they all do well and find happy homes.


2,271 posted on 01/18/2016 1:19:09 PM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; NicknamedBob; Darksheare; infool7; ColdOne; null and void; SunkenCiv; ...

I have such a stupid problem.
I caught a Daddy-Long Legs in a cup.
Should I kill it? (Stomp on it, or put it outside in the cold)
Should I save it? (Let it loose in my finished basement)

What say you all? WWFD?


2,272 posted on 01/18/2016 1:20:43 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you have a good night!


2,273 posted on 01/18/2016 1:21:00 PM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
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To: fanfan

Give it a name, make it a friend, and then turn it loose in your basement.


2,274 posted on 01/18/2016 1:22:28 PM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
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To: fanfan

Yikes......put it outside. I have seen spiders up here in 15 below weather.


2,275 posted on 01/18/2016 1:23:14 PM PST by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 HillaryForPrison2016)
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To: Tax-chick

A friend for life. Each and every one.

Did you know that people who use more table salt are most likely to be satisfied with their Internet Provider?


2,276 posted on 01/18/2016 1:24:24 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: Tax-chick; ColdOne

See? That’s how conflicted I am!


2,277 posted on 01/18/2016 1:25:15 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: Tax-chick; ColdOne

Fred.


2,278 posted on 01/18/2016 1:25:49 PM PST by fanfan ("If Muslim kids were asked to go to church on Sunday and take Holy Communion there would be war.")
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To: fanfan; ColdOne

That’s a good name for a spider. Either he’ll eat something else creeping around your basement, or something will eat him.


2,279 posted on 01/18/2016 1:38:28 PM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
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To: fanfan

Basement corner would be best.


2,280 posted on 01/18/2016 2:03:47 PM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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