Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 7,581-7,6007,601-7,6207,621-7,640 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

“Look what I did!”


7,601 posted on 05/01/2016 5:12:08 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7598 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick

You ladies take care. Yo yo weather indeed.


7,602 posted on 05/01/2016 6:05:40 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7597 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; NicknamedBob; Darksheare; Gefn; All

Well, it was just sitting there....

I’m planning (again) on going to church this morning, but I don’t feel all that great right now.

I need to go sort my pills for the next five days, and then I will see how I feel.

One of my great nephews was picked by the NO Saints in the NFL Draft, yesterday, so I’m pretty happy for he and his mom. I haven’t seen her since she was a toddler, but the pics on FB show me that I would know that face anywhere! My brother (CO) is probably bursting his shirt over this grandson!


7,603 posted on 05/01/2016 6:06:25 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7601 | View Replies]

In some parts of the country you say “yo! It’s weather!”


7,604 posted on 05/01/2016 6:06:40 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7602 | View Replies]

To: Gefn; Monkey Face

I had to go to Walmart in the thunderstorm. We were out of bananas this morning. I thought we had plenty yesterday! Sometimes I notice in the evening that there are only a few left; then I hide them so I’ll have them in the morning.


7,605 posted on 05/01/2016 6:21:54 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7604 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Congrats to your nephew!


7,606 posted on 05/01/2016 6:37:13 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7603 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

The pills are all ready for the next four days, and I had to take the time to re-do the pill chart. If I don’t use that, I forget half of what I’m taking and why. :o[

The sun is coming in the window! YAY!! It’s still chilly, though. It will be 90 by Thursday and 70 by Saturday. *sigh*

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, and I don’t look forward to it at all. I will need to send this computer off and stop to get the rental, but I don’t have the money left for that. Disappointing. But this has to go back to the shop before May 5. I’m hoping they will swap out the hard drive, but that’s too logical, so they will probably tweak this one again.

Frustrating. Maybe on Tuesday, I’ll be able to go to the computer store and find out how much of a down payment I need to get a custom made, guaranteed computer: Repairs and upgrades are free for life, for $799.00.


7,607 posted on 05/01/2016 6:55:01 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7605 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I hope you make it to church!

Off to Mass here, and Bill is leaving to take the girls to the airport for their trip to Florida. I decided I didn’t trust Tom, *sigh*.


7,608 posted on 05/01/2016 8:59:54 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7607 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

That too. But it’s usually to decrease the plethora of pennies that have accumulated.

Then the poor confused snowflake hands me back my pennies plus the pennies their machine says (s)he should give me.

Can’t win. ;-)


7,609 posted on 05/01/2016 10:39:15 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7592 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz

I did make it to church.

I had to call my bank about a check, and the guy I talked to asked me the secret question, the answer to which was “chocolate.” He then told me that when he was a little boy, his dad used to reward him with chocolate for “being such a good boy. And today, chocolate is like my happy pill.” TMI, Robert. TMI!

The peeps were waiting for me when I got home. Oh yay. So I went to sit for a while. It was fairly nice out there, even in the shade, and then, about 30 minutes after I sat down, the wind came up, right out of the north. *sigh*

So I decided to come in and fix some lunch.


7,610 posted on 05/01/2016 11:43:53 AM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7608 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Good! It stopped raining here. I need to take Tom to church now, since Bill has gone to work.

Sally just called: the girls didn’t get on the first flight out this afternoon (they’re standing by) but they expect to get on the next one.


7,611 posted on 05/01/2016 12:57:01 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7610 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I just finished writing to my grandson, and have been half-listening to PBS about Henry VIII and it’s pretty good. But my eyelids are threatening to slam shut, so I will soon be wandering into the boudoir to spend a few hours with the heated mattress pad...

And reading some uplifting things.

When I get up in the morning, I’ll sort the clothes. May I say that I don’t like Mondays?

Oh. After church, I ran into the real estate agent who has been working with He Who Shall Not Be Named, and told me the closing will be this coming week. He also told me that he was going to look for a place for me; he is always thinking of ways to help me get into a house, and that is pretty awesome. So all I can do is pray.

And now, I’m off to bed! Tomorrow!


7,612 posted on 05/01/2016 1:42:00 PM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7611 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

PS: I hope the girls don’t have to wait too much longer for their flight!


7,613 posted on 05/01/2016 1:43:01 PM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7611 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Hope you have a good night! They should board by 6:00 (your 3:00).


7,614 posted on 05/01/2016 2:02:49 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7613 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Thanks! I hope they have a nice flight.

See ya!


7,615 posted on 05/01/2016 2:19:33 PM PDT by Monkey Face (English can be weird: It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7614 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Sally says they’ve arrived in Orlando.


7,616 posted on 05/01/2016 3:20:28 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7615 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

What the heck could there be for kids to do in Orlando?


7,617 posted on 05/01/2016 4:08:28 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7616 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob

Golly, no idea ... other than visiting their grandmother.


7,618 posted on 05/01/2016 6:37:24 PM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7617 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

7,619 posted on 05/02/2016 3:10:19 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7618 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; SandyInSeattle

Today's tiny kitten has teh countergravities.

7,620 posted on 05/02/2016 3:12:23 AM PDT by Tax-chick (What do you think it means?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7619 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 7,581-7,6007,601-7,6207,621-7,640 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson