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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 01/07/2011 5:02:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen
How the heck did he get in there??
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know we're already out of money?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag ever opens from the end you try first?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there
appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
41
posted on
01/07/2011 10:13:47 AM PST
by
unique
To: Pan_Yan
42
posted on
01/07/2011 10:16:17 AM PST
by
unique
To: unique
43
posted on
01/07/2011 10:48:50 AM PST
by
Pan_Yan
To: dragonblustar
Good Lord....
44
posted on
01/07/2011 10:53:23 AM PST
by
MissTed
( Do women in burqas have fun tagging each other in Facebook photos?)
To: martin_fierro
Frowning takes 68 muscles.
Smiling takes 6.
Pulling this trigger takes 2.
I'm lazy.
45
posted on
01/07/2011 11:09:32 AM PST
by
The Comedian
(Puzzling puzzle pieces precisely proliferating panoramically.)
To: MissTed
"Where's my Pie?...and ice cream??"
46
posted on
01/07/2011 11:58:13 AM PST
by
ErnBatavia
(It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
To: MissTed
You know, Hubby and I have a deal. The day I behave like that over ANY politician, he has my permission to shoot me—he can even use MY gun. Because I just don’t want to live like that.
47
posted on
01/07/2011 12:23:21 PM PST
by
Hoffer Rand
(There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
To: Hoffer Rand
For her sake, I hope he just stomped on her toe or her appendix just ruptured to be making that face. If it's because of Zero then yes, she should be shot.
48
posted on
01/07/2011 12:29:17 PM PST
by
MissTed
( Do women in burqas have fun tagging each other in Facebook photos?)
To: ErnBatavia
My oh my...even the dog looks embarrassed in that photo.
49
posted on
01/07/2011 12:32:31 PM PST
by
4yearlurker
(I can't afford anymore hope and change!!!!)
Comment #50 Removed by Moderator
To: Pan_Yan
51
posted on
01/07/2011 12:53:00 PM PST
by
unique
To: MissTed
52
posted on
01/07/2011 1:29:21 PM PST
by
Hoffer Rand
(There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
To: Lucky9teen
So, here’s some Friday afternoon bank bureaucratic silliness. Hubby went into our bank this afternoon to pay off our mortgage. Mortgage is also held by the bank. Guess what? Can’t do that, because although the bank branches can accept mortgage payments, they can’t accept the FINAL mortgage payment. That has to be sent somewhere back east to be processed by some other dept. in the bank. So, Hubby paid our mortgage down to $1. On Monday, he has to go back to the bank and send this other dept. a cashier’s check for the $1, plus whatever 3 days’ interest is on $1, plus the $10 processing fee to finally close the account and pay off the mortgage. Can’t do that today, because today’s payment has to post before we can send the last payment. And we didn’t want to pay 3 days’ interest on the full amount, which is why he didn’t just make one big payment on Monday. There was some equally silly reason why he couldn’t just make the big payment today, but it’s lost on me.
So, we’re not quite ready to scream “we’re debt free.” We still have a $1 mortgage.
53
posted on
01/07/2011 1:44:00 PM PST
by
Hoffer Rand
(There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
To: Hoffer Rand
Aw heck... live a little!
Be a real pain to the bank, leave that outstanding balance on their books, and amortize your remaining payments for the next 5 years or so!
“So, were not quite ready to scream were debt free. We still have a $1 mortgage.”
54
posted on
01/07/2011 1:57:33 PM PST
by
DieNarrin
(Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!)
To: DieNarrin
Wonder if you could set up direct payments in 2 cent increments...
55
posted on
01/07/2011 2:17:12 PM PST
by
Hoffer Rand
(There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
To: Lucky9teen
How come every time I put the flat sheet on the bed, I choose the wrong corner to start?
Comment #57 Removed by Moderator
To: Hoffer Rand
I guess I would have been the wiseguy that paid it down to a penny or perhaps do the gas station thing and pay all but 1/10 of a cent.
58
posted on
01/07/2011 4:45:59 PM PST
by
Clay Moore
(The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of a fool to the left. Ecclesiastes 10:2)
To: Lucky9teen
Pelosi reluctantly yields the gavel to Boehner.
To: unique; Pan_Yan
Pan_Yan just wanted your post to live up to your screen name! ;-P
60
posted on
01/09/2011 9:57:37 AM PST
by
MortMan
(I am in no mood to be amused! (Ebenezer Scrooge))
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