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Dad Arrives At Vacant Lot Where Mall Used To Be To Begin His Christmas Shopping
The Babylon Bee ^ | December 24, 2022 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 12/26/2022 8:33:13 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

MONTGOMERYVILLE, PA — Local dad Justin Simpson took a trip to the mall on Christmas Eve to begin his Christmas shopping, only to find a vacant lot where the mall once stood.

"Oh man, I've been coming here forever," Simpson said. "I mean, it's been a few years, but I used to love getting malts at the Woolworth soda fountain. Then my mom would always make us buy some educational books over at Borders."

A distraught Mr. Simpson had reportedly planned to shop for his entire family at the mall this year. "I figured I could get the older kids some MP3s at Sam Goody, then hit KB Toys for the little ones," he said. "Finally, it was off to the jewelry counter at Sears to get something for my wife. Where am I going to buy presents now?"

While Simpson talked, several other confused-looking fathers arrived at the empty mall lot. They all stared wistfully at the weed-choked rubble for a few minutes before aimlessly driving away.

As for Simpson, he had quickly moved on to his backup Christmas shopping plan. "I'm going to see if I can find a Toys 'R' Us for the kids," he said. "As for the wife, I suppose I can just take her out to dinner at Howard Johnson's, and then we can go to see a drive-in movie. We haven't done that in ages."

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Food; History; Humor; Miscellaneous; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; borders; christmasshopping; deadmall; howardjohnsons; isthisthebee; kbtoys; outofbusiness; samgoody; satire; sears; toysrus; woolworths
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To: martin_fierro

Right down the street from the Sears Town.


61 posted on 12/26/2022 10:50:44 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: MayflowerMadam

Woolworth’s was a great store. Murphy’s here was almost as good.


62 posted on 12/26/2022 10:51:27 AM PST by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: dfwgator
I used to loooove shopping there, but as a teen I had to maximize my music dollar.

I’ll never forget some of the albums I bought there.

They happened to be playing the Monty Alexander album at the time and I became an instant fan.

63 posted on 12/26/2022 10:56:18 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: martin_fierro

I bought all the import Genesis albums on the Charisma label there.


64 posted on 12/26/2022 10:57:26 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

They already tore the mall down near where I live and rebuilt it as a large strip mall complex. I don’t think it has any of the big anchor stores anymore.

AMC movie theater, Publix, and Sprouts, are the largest.


65 posted on 12/26/2022 11:15:20 AM PST by DannyTN
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I live in a suburban town which is home to one of the nicest malls in the Northeast. As recently as a few years ago it had Gucci,Neiman Marcus,Lord & Taylor,Sears,JC Penney. All of them are gone now...with only one of them having been replaced with a Wegmans (a great supermarket). I remember going there years ago and it would be mobbed in the days before Christmas,but this year it was almost deserted.

I hope it can hang one for a few more years because it's very close to me,it has *great* underground parking and it's a great place to walk when it's hot...cold...raining...snowing. But given all the empty space I'm not optimistic.

66 posted on 12/26/2022 11:22:50 AM PST by Gay State Conservative (No Doubt Now: Stolen Election)
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To: Lazamataz

Liked Lotus 123 when it was a thing.

Lotus Notes is the greatest evil in all of time and space second only to printers.


67 posted on 12/26/2022 1:16:23 PM PST by wally_bert (I cannot be sure for certain, but in my personal opinion I am certain that I am not sure.)
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To: Red Badger

Want a mall destroyed. Just add ‘teens.’


68 posted on 12/26/2022 1:17:43 PM PST by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes)
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To: Organic Panic

Not necessary in ours.

We have never had any bad incidents in the 40+ years I have lived here.

Ours is dying because of the Internet and online buying.

People don’t want to walk around and shop any more.

They even have free WiFi at the Mall. Didn’t help................


69 posted on 12/26/2022 1:21:14 PM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: Stosh

Phone booth, Yellow Pages? What’s that?


70 posted on 12/26/2022 1:56:01 PM PST by .44 Special (Taimid Buacharch)
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To: dfwgator
“The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year.”

"This place has got everything!"

71 posted on 12/26/2022 2:04:44 PM PST by GreenHornet
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To: Larry Lucido

My older sister bought me Monopoly there.

They had a toy department in the basement and I bought an AM radio kit with little springs for terminals and a Chemistry set.


72 posted on 12/26/2022 2:11:10 PM PST by WeaslesRippedMyFlesh (wake me up when somebody tells the truth)
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To: dfwgator

You should see Detroit many homes are crack houses now a few years ago some went for $25.00.


73 posted on 12/26/2022 2:14:58 PM PST by Vaduz (LAWYERS )
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To: Red Badger

“free WiFi at the Mall”

Big data security ouch....especially with drug-addled geeks wandering around the common areas...


74 posted on 12/26/2022 2:18:00 PM PST by cgbg (Claiming that laws and regs that limit “hate speech” stop freedom of speech is “hate speech”.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I used to be one of those Christmas Eve mall shoppers back in the 1980s.

I'd get there first thing in the morning and work work my way around both levels of the Crabtree Mall (or whatever it was called). Sears was a major stop for me and I actually had a Sears credit card with something like a $400 limit, a lot of it spent on Craftsmen tool products. You could also buy your wife a vacuum cleaner or a food processor back then and not get thrown out of the house.

Lechmere was also a major stop for me. That was a now defunct Northeastern chain that was somewhat similar to a Kohl's today, except with more electronics. I had a Lechmere store card as well.

Inside the mall, regular stops included Sharper Image, Radio Shack, Paperback Booksmith, Strawberries (record store), Brookstones, Hickory Farms, and of course the iconic and controversial Spencer Gifts, where you could get really edgy stuff like beer mugs with nude women stenciled on them, incense candles that smelled like pot, and T-shirts with obscene sayings.

In between I'd stop at the Orange Julius and get a plate of "Chinese food" at the food court for about $4.95, with egg roll included. That was some fancy eating back then and I usually had my Christmas Eve shopping done by noon.

75 posted on 12/26/2022 2:32:31 PM PST by SamAdams76 (4,762,307 | Truth Social | 87,863,616 | Twitter | Trump Followers)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
“At the tone, the time will be 10:53 pm and 10 seconds . . .”

I remember that! You used to be able to dial in and get the temperature and time. I would set my Timex with that and figure out what I needed to wear outside.

They also had dial-in weather, for those pre-internet, pre Weather Channel times, when the only other way to get the weather was wait for the 6 o'clock or 11 o'clock local newscasts, with some meteorologist named Barry or Dickie. (Women didn't get hired to do the TV weather back then.)

So they set up a phone number where you could dial in for the latest weather report. But all you really got was a canned forecast that was at least several hours old.

76 posted on 12/26/2022 2:40:10 PM PST by SamAdams76 (4,762,307 | Truth Social | 87,863,616 | Twitter | Trump Followers)
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To: Hot Tabasco

The large mall near me is still packed with stores. But they did tear down the Sears anchor store. It’s now out parcels with restaurants and stores like H&M and Ulta.


77 posted on 12/26/2022 2:45:45 PM PST by Fledermaus (It's time to get rid of the Three McStooges; Mitch, Kevin and Ronna!)
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To: Organic Panic
Want a mall destroyed. Just add ‘teens.’

Actually, during the 1980s, it was the teens that made the malls thrive. Kids were better behaved then, at least in suburbia. Nobody had cell phones or internet. Parents would drop them off in early afternoon and pick them up later at night, by a massive bank of pay phones that they had outside on either end of the mall.

During that time, the kids would visit the arcade to play the early games like PacMan and Space Invaders. They'd take in a movie, something like "Back To The Future" or "Ghostbusters." They'd hang out at The Gap trying on tight jeans and then walking out without buying anything to the chagrin of the clerks. They'd hang out at Radio Shack, driving the clerk crazy with questions about this or that boombox or stereo component. Back then, the clerks were knowledgeable and had the answers but if you bought so much as a battery, you'd have to fill out a three-ply carbon form with your address, with the pink copy going to you, the white copy being retained by the store, and the canary copy going to corporate, where they'd put you on their mailing list so you could get 17 catalogs mailed to you each year.

Of course the Food Court was the main hangout for the teens, where they would get a frothy Orange Julius (with two straws if you had a date sharing it). They had a place selling huge pretzels for fifty cents. Or if you wanted to get super fancy with your date, they had an Au Bon Pain where you could get one of those French croissants.

My favorite place was the news stand where they had pretty much ever magazine then in existence. If you lingered too long, a clerk would come by to remind you that "this is not a library."

78 posted on 12/26/2022 2:51:15 PM PST by SamAdams76 (4,762,307 | Truth Social | 87,863,616 | Twitter | Trump Followers)
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To: SamAdams76

You can still get the time (at least Eastern Time) by calling the U.S. Naval Observatory: 202-762-1401


79 posted on 12/26/2022 8:42:41 PM PST by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: Larry Lucido

I’m glad I chose to lesson my carbon footprint years ago and just offer cash gifts! :P


80 posted on 12/27/2022 3:10:36 AM PST by sit-rep ( )
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