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Posted on 04/11/2005 7:30:08 PM PDT by Diva Betsy Ross
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IT is great to have you with us! But we don't joke around here to much (*Sly smile*)....
No more blonde jokes for me...I just heard that one, and thought it was pretty creative!
Good thread!
The thread is only as good as the great jokes! Thanks for making it fun!
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Iowa Network TV is
planning to do it's own show entitled: "Survivor: Iowa Style".
The contestants will start in Des Moines, travel west to Atlantic,
Council Bluffs and up to Sioux City.
From there they will head over to Spencer, down to Storm Lake, over to
Fort Dodge and then up through Algona and then on to Mason City .
They will then proceed to Decorah down to Waterloo , then south to Cedar Rapids, Davenport and Muscatine and west through Ottumwa, Centerville,Oskaloosa, and back up to Des Moines.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a New Jersey license plate and large bumper stickers that read "I'm a Vegetarian", "NASCAR Sucks", "Go Illinois", "Copenhagen is for Idiots", "Hillary in 2008", "Deer Hunting is Murder", "Say No to Budweiser", and "I'm here to Confiscate Your Guns".
The first one who makes it back to Des Moines alive wins!!
Tease.....
LOL!!!
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 m.p.h. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."
Thanks Lauren! Great to see you as always!
Three men--one American, one Japanese and a Filipino were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Filipino, not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went into the toilet. When he returned, a piece of toilet paper was dangling from his behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Filipino finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
LOL
You're a nut!
Ms.B
Glad to stop by. Here is another one:
Moses and Jesus were part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball right up on to the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water and onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says.
"Your finger is broken."
Sorry, I guess I'm just that way. :)
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