I know. I'm a lawyer.
You're thinking of a baritone.
Posted on 02/09/2019 5:15:32 PM PST by blueunicorn6
We decided (by “We” I mean my wife) that we should celebrate our Son’s big achievement. He got out of bed before noon. No. He graduated. I know. We were all kind of surprised.
We needed an appropriate reward, but Miss Oregon was already taken, so we thought a trip would be nice. Yeah. A good trip. A trip to the big luau. That’s right.
Seattle.
Turns out the whole city was booked up. They were having a coffee stirrers convention or something.
You know, I applied for one of those, what do they call them, bannisters, job. You know....stirring coffee. The wife wanted me to do something since I’m retired. I was happy serving as a policy advisor to the President, but she wanted me to do something that paid.
Well, you don’t just apply for a bannisters job and they give it to you. You have to try out. Like it’s a bowling team or something. They lined the four of us up at a table and the head coffee stirrer puts a cup of coffee and some cream in front of the First Lady and tells her to make some coffee art or something. She pours in some cream and swishes this straw around and violin! She made a mountain range.
Now, I’m no Vincent Da Vichy, so I was getting a little worried.
He puts the stuff in front of the next lady, and she makes a cat’s face.
I’m really sweating now.
The third lady is swishing that straw around for like five minutes and what does she come up with? The Hadron Particle Collider.
I know I’m going to have to be at the top of my game.
The head stirrer puts a cup of coffe and some cream in front of me and says,
“You look like you’re a little older. Delight me.”
I said,
“Delight you? Right here in front of these fine ladies? Usually, a guy will buy me a drink before he wants me to delight him.”
I guess head coffee stirrers don’t have much of a sense of humor.
So, I put the old grey manor into overdrive.
I took the straw and swished it around in the coffee for two or three minutes and then pushed the cup towards him.
“What is that supposed to be?” he asked me.
“I call that Night Coffee”, I said.
It was obvious he wasn’t impressed.
I poured in some cream.
“And what is this?” He inquired.
“I think that looks like your bath water.”
I didn’t get the job.
I was probably too good of an artist.
But I digress.
The travel agent recommended we go to Hawaii, instead.
Yep! The old Sammich Islands. Named after the Earl of Bread or something.
Usually, I’m a little hesitant about visiting a foreign nation, but I thought “Hey! Why not? The worst they could do is throw me in a big old cooking pot and eat me.”
And that’s just the TSA. Who knew what the natives might do?
We wanted the whole Hawaii experience, so I booked some seats on that special Hawaiian airline, The Haole Express.
I got some of those Extra Comfort Seats for us. That meant they had a bottom. They were still only like a foot wide. My behind is just a teeny bit wider than that these days. Oh, when I was a teenager I had a behind that would make the girls swoon. But I stopped eating beans for breakfast and that pretty much kept the girls from falling over.
This native fellow comes down the aisle and asks,
“Would you like a Mai Tai?”
I’m in the spirit so I figure I’ll reply in his native tongue.
“No, a thank you. I a don’t a wear a tie.”
He shakes his head and walks by.
I’d heard they had free booze on this flight when you get close to Hongalulu or whatever their quaint capital is, so I call him back.
“What about the free drink?” I ask.
“You told me you didn’t want a Mai Tai.”
“”What are you, a haberdasher? Doing a little moonlighting to make some extra money? Well here’s a quarter and bring me a real drink. Something fruity and colorful....like a Coors Light.”
To be continued.....
I know some of you don’t like the personal postings. You feel like it’s wasting your time. Well, not all of us can be scientists or brain surgeons or coffee stirring bannisters, so get over it, or something.
Pistol Packin Mama!
I remember that song!
Lay your pistol down, Ma, la la la la something.
Yeah, I couldn’t remember Georgie Girl, either.
Thanks!
Why are you just BlueUnicorn 6? Why not 1 or at least 2?
Ping
This guy is pretty good, Laz. I think he’s gonna go places.
I’m up here in Ontario, Canada. I WISH I lived in Denver!
That is an excellent question!
My first unit in the Army was The Sixth United States Cavalry.
That’s how I got the “6”.
Our Distinctive Unit Insignia is a blue unicorn.
That’s how I got “blueunicorn”.
The unicorn is “in a rampant stance” which basically means that he looks mad.
Or, like he’s showing off for a lady unicorn.
Whatever.
I rode the great steel beasts.
And no, I’m not talking about the women on The View.
Tanks. I rode tanks.
Not even a blind man would ride Joy Behar, and by golly, I can still see!
Can’t hear worth a damn.
Especially when my wife wants me to do something.
I hope this answers your question.
If not, well, what the heck were you doing asking me a question? Do I look like somebody who would know anything?
Oh.
How’s the orange crop looking this year?
lol not good, blue, not good at all.
I know. I'm a lawyer.
You're thinking of a baritone.
Well, let’s just try to keep a positive attitude!
Let’s all sing that great song from the award winning musical ”Annie” entitled “Tomorrow!”
The sun will come out tomorrow, la la la la la tomorrow.
Yeah, I can’t remember this song, either.
Three up.....three down.
Well, I’m not going to argue with a lawyer.
You guys know all those fancy legal terms and stuff.
Like “stare dececis” which is Latin for “starry the seesus” or something like that.
No, Mom didn’t raise any fool to go around arguing with lawyers.
You guys are tricky.
But, you are wrong.
I was thinking of a trombone.
Holy crap that was funny...I think I’ll copy it and email it to my brudder.
That’s all I can remember too! The first 4 words I remember perfectly. So, Blue Unicorn, Do u remember the one about the Little Blue man?
“Winter Wheat: A Tricky Name Or Do You Have To Put Skis On The Tractor?”
Well - I’m stealing it for a country-western song.
That's IT!
We're all "serving as a policy advisor to the President" here, and I'm happy to do it for free!
-PJ
Very informative! Tanks for your service!
That was fantastic, that was talent.
Well if we should ever meet, let me buy you a drink, something fruity and colorful....like a Coors Light garnished with a tiny paper umbrella.
keep up the good work!
LOL Most fun thread this week.
I always have a problem distinguishing the difference between barristers and solicitors
Oh oh.
Another question.
Let’s see.....a little blue man......
Stairway To Heaven?
Ummmmm.....
Eat That Rat?
..........................
Love Theme From Jonathan Livingston Seagull?
You have managed to stump the chump, too.
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