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Dad Arrives At Vacant Lot Where Mall Used To Be To Begin His Christmas Shopping
The Babylon Bee ^ | December 24, 2022 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 12/26/2022 8:33:13 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

MONTGOMERYVILLE, PA — Local dad Justin Simpson took a trip to the mall on Christmas Eve to begin his Christmas shopping, only to find a vacant lot where the mall once stood.

"Oh man, I've been coming here forever," Simpson said. "I mean, it's been a few years, but I used to love getting malts at the Woolworth soda fountain. Then my mom would always make us buy some educational books over at Borders."

A distraught Mr. Simpson had reportedly planned to shop for his entire family at the mall this year. "I figured I could get the older kids some MP3s at Sam Goody, then hit KB Toys for the little ones," he said. "Finally, it was off to the jewelry counter at Sears to get something for my wife. Where am I going to buy presents now?"

While Simpson talked, several other confused-looking fathers arrived at the empty mall lot. They all stared wistfully at the weed-choked rubble for a few minutes before aimlessly driving away.

As for Simpson, he had quickly moved on to his backup Christmas shopping plan. "I'm going to see if I can find a Toys 'R' Us for the kids," he said. "As for the wife, I suppose I can just take her out to dinner at Howard Johnson's, and then we can go to see a drive-in movie. We haven't done that in ages."

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Food; History; Humor; Miscellaneous; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; borders; christmasshopping; deadmall; howardjohnsons; isthisthebee; kbtoys; outofbusiness; samgoody; satire; sears; toysrus; woolworths
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Knoxville Center Mall - torn down and an Amazon warehouse built in its place.
Amazon warehouse never opened. It just sits there vacant.


21 posted on 12/26/2022 9:04:47 AM PST by scrabblehack
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To: dfwgator

15 dollar Amazon cards? YOU CHEAPSKATE!


22 posted on 12/26/2022 9:06:23 AM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: dfwgator

We did something different because we’re all over 50...gave to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. Danny Thomas is a memory of my youth. He left quite a legacy.


23 posted on 12/26/2022 9:06:57 AM PST by Sacajaweau ( )
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To: dfwgator; Red Badger; sit-rep; Lazamataz
I went to check out the Christmas window displays at Hudson's in downtown Detroit. The block is vacant. Some bastards stole the whole damn building!


24 posted on 12/26/2022 9:12:27 AM PST by Larry Lucido (Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

” but I used to love getting malts at the Woolworth soda fountain.”

I remember those but didn’t have the money for malts.

Sears, Western Auto


25 posted on 12/26/2022 9:13:06 AM PST by TexasGator (!!!)
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To: Sacajaweau
Hmph! Couldn't spare a dime for the Human Fund?


26 posted on 12/26/2022 9:13:42 AM PST by Larry Lucido (Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
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To: Larry Lucido

No Red Ryder 200 Shot Carbine Air Rifle?......................


27 posted on 12/26/2022 9:14:36 AM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: dfwgator

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yskWB3xDCZg


28 posted on 12/26/2022 9:15:21 AM PST by Larry Lucido (Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
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To: Larry Lucido

That’s actually a fun idea. Let people drive through the abandoned malls like the Blues Brothers.


29 posted on 12/26/2022 9:18:18 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: dfwgator

Old malls would make great luxury condominiums. High ceilings, huge floor space. Turn the parking lot into a park.


30 posted on 12/26/2022 9:20:13 AM PST by central_va (I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn...)
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To: Larry Lucido

I went to Midtown Mall in Rochester, and noticed that some thieves ran off with both the McCurdys and the Sibleys department stores!


31 posted on 12/26/2022 9:21:40 AM PST by Lazamataz (The firearms I own today, are the firearms I will die with. How I die will be up to them.)
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To: Red Badger

Circuit City, Comp USA, Radio Shack, PetValu, Borders and KMart.

Those gutted me.

For reasons I cannot fathom, we’re getting a “Boot Barn” in the strip mall where KMart once was.

As if we really need a lot of square dancing clothes and hideous “fashion” cowboy boots here.


32 posted on 12/26/2022 9:25:20 AM PST by Salamander (Please visit my profile page help save my beloved dog's life. https://www.givesendgo.com/G2FUF)
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To: Red Badger
Rumor is that the mall will be torn down and replaced with condos..

Interesting, that's the same plan for a huge mall near my house.

33 posted on 12/26/2022 9:25:43 AM PST by Hot Tabasco
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To: scrabblehack

You remember the old Atlantic Mills near downtown ?


34 posted on 12/26/2022 9:28:31 AM PST by sweeperboy
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To: Hot Tabasco

Probably owned by the same Corporation as ours.

Our mall has already lost one ‘wing’ to a condo development.

The others wings are just waiting until the few remaining leases are up.............


35 posted on 12/26/2022 9:36:43 AM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: sweeperboy

No - I’ve been here only since 2002-03.


36 posted on 12/26/2022 9:37:01 AM PST by scrabblehack
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To: Hot Tabasco; Red Badger

When a huge mall closed in our area (the surrounding neighborhood went into the toilet) I thought it could be re-purposed as a prison.

People from the surrounding area could check in, spend several nights there, and credit the time served to their future criminal convictions.


37 posted on 12/26/2022 9:37:23 AM PST by packagingguy
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To: Lazamataz
Yeah, and look at what they did to my Studebaker!

Before you know it, they'll likely merge with Nash-Kelvinator and form a fourth big car company. They could call it AMC. After that picture show place.

38 posted on 12/26/2022 9:39:32 AM PST by Larry Lucido (Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
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To: Salamander
“Boot Barn”

Never heard of it.

But I still miss the old Red Barn.


39 posted on 12/26/2022 9:41:29 AM PST by Larry Lucido (Donate! Don't just post clickbait!)
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To: Salamander

Yes, we lost all of those, plus Zales, Gordon Jewelers, the food court is almost empty except for a ‘Crackers’ and a Asian fast food place.

We also lost The Gap, American Eagle Outfitters, Kirkland’s, McCrae’s (upscale dept store), Hallmark, Victoria’s Secret, 5-7-9 Shop, GNC, and a host of others...................


40 posted on 12/26/2022 9:42:18 AM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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