Drunken Idiot Congressman Fires Disloyal Staffers

A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 Dec 2011 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Representative Rick Larsen (D-Wash) dismissed three legislative aides after learning that they had “tweeted” tales of his on-the-job drunkenness, goofing off, and idiocy.

“It’s a simple question of loyalty,” Larsen explained. “Anybody on my payroll is paid to make me look good, to help me be reelected, to serve my needs. If they can’t do that I don’t want them.”

Larsen declined to address whether there was any truth to the tweets. “As Pontius Pilate once asked, ‘what is truth?’” Larsen recalled. “The perspectives of these ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ novices cannot be taken seriously. I’ve been in Congress for over a decade. My constituents obviously have confidence that I’m not a drunk, a goof-off, or an idiot. Until they say otherwise, let’s assume that I’m not.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...

http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2011/12/09/gun-scandal-blamed-on-right-wing-radicals/

[FlingWingFlyer]

My constituents obviously have confidence that I’m not a drunk, a goof-off, or an idiot.

Or, they want a Teddy Kennedy style politician representing them in the District of Corruption.

[longfellow]

Maybe this is exactly what we need. More staffers blowing the whistle on these traitors.

[Graewoulf]

HEY YOU! YEAH YOU, DEMOCRAT RICK LARSEN! Facts “happen,” so deal with it!

BTW, how many Democrats are STILL in the US House of Representatives?

[freedumb2003]

ibtp?

Let’s see how many you get with this one, John! :)

[Killage1]

“Anybody on my payroll is paid to make me look good, to help me be reelected, to serve my needs”.

Tells you a little about where this guys priorities are directed, solely to serve his needs not America’s.

[Zuben Elgenubi]

“Anybody on my payroll is paid to make me look good, to help me be reelected, to serve my needs. If they can’t do that I don’t want them.”

D*mn. Been a while since a Congressman spoke his mind, regardless of party affiliation. It's almost as if this piece is a satire or semi-satire.

[ozzymandus]

This idiot’s constituents need to take a good look at what they elected.

[FLAMING DEATH]

I always love coming in to see if they’re biting.

Of course, with the bizarre things going on these days, it’s almost not fair.

[ExCTCitizen]

My constituents obviously have confidence that I’m not a drunk, a goof-off, or an idiot.

Or, they want a Teddy Kennedy style politician representing them in the District of Corruption.

LOL ...

[LonePalm]

BTW, how many Democrats are STILL in the US House of Representatives?

Too many.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

[Grut]

I know this article is satire; but has there ever been a more succinct expression of bureaucratic ethics than “Meine Ehre heißt Treue?”

[Graewoulf]

Merci’. Vous savi raison!

Pardone moi, que je parle un peu Francais!

Mai en 2013, laissez les bon temps roulez avec le/la Re’publicain Presidente!!!

[Chode]

to serve my needs and there it is...

[SunkenCiv]

Thanks John Semmens. Very, very good. :')

• Rick Larsen fires three staffers over revealing tweets(LOL)
• Hill staffers tweet of partying, 'idiot boss'
• Tweets from Congressional Staffers Describe On-Job Drinking in Office of Congressman Larsen
• Obama: 'We Never Need an Excuse For a Good Party'
• AP Kept Blago's Party ID Out of Three Pre-Sentencing Stories on Tuesday

[LonePalm]

FWIW - I'm an American from Georgia.

Can you say, "Bon jour, y'all?"

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

[Hot Tabasco]

I always love coming in to see if they’re biting.

I want to ask them if they want help removing the treble hook from their lip but I don't think they'd understand.........LOL@!

[Graewoulf]

Mai oui! I’ve slept since I took French classes, so I’ll convert back to ‘Merican.

Since you are from Gaaa-juh, you already know that the plural of y’all is ALL Y’ALL.

In East Texas a store owner/clerk will invite customers back with: “ All y’all come back now, - - hear?”

BTW, could you translate that into Cajun French pour moi? Merci!

BTW, BTW, did you know that aaaaaaahhhhhhhheeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee is Cajun for yyeeeHHAAAWWwwwww in Texas, WOO-HOOoo in California, and YAH-HOOoooo in Washington State? Might come in handy at a Falcons game.

[LonePalm]

“ All y’all come back now, - - hear?”

I would translate that as: Vous tous retournez bientôt, vous entendez?

Mind you my training is in classical and culinary French and not in Cajun or Haitian Creole French.

Garde la Foi - Keep the Faith is my family's motto

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

[LonePalm]

BTW - Atlanta is a five and a half hour drive each way.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)