Resolutions For The Damned

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/5/5 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

A new year, a Bush-gutted, storm-ravaged world and you in need of some juicy, heartfelt pledges --

This is the year.

No, really. This is the it. This is the year you resolve to let it all hang out and lick the fingertips of the divine and stop holding back and stop quivering with unchecked anticipation/dread as you realize that, if you care a whit for self-definition and spiritual nuance and hot wet intelligence and deep karmic color in this tsunami-hammered, Bush-ravaged world, you are desperately needed right now. It's true.

Alas, many are dejected. Many of the blue or Democratic or progressive or open-minded persuasion are understandably heading into 2005 feeling a bit out of sorts, depressed and bitter and angry and still just a little appalled at the apparent widespread fear-induced ignorance of a country that somehow re-elected the worst president in U.S. history. Yes, still.

Well, buck up, jacko. It could be worse. You could be Michael Jackson. Or Janet Jackson. Or Tito. You could be Anne Coulter or Bill O'Reilly or Trent Lott, people whose souls have become so infested with rat dung that their third eye is brown. See? Feel better already.

Or you could be Dubya himself, so utterly empty and blank eyed and falsely pious. He is but a lint speck on the coattails of time and you just know that you could poke him with your middle finger and all that would pour out would be sawdust and a bunch of tiny ball bearings.

[IronJack]

Listen to some of these terms:

Bush-gutted ... world
Bush-ravaged world
fear-induced ignorance
the worst president in U.S. history.

This is discourse? This somehow expands the free marketplace of ideas? From this drivel, you would assume that no evil existed on earth until Bush was elected (by "fear-induced ignorance" no less). And as for the "worst president in US history, apparently that is open to debate, since the majority of American voters think otherwise.

You could be Anne Coulter or Bill O'Reilly or Trent Lott, people whose souls have become so infested with rat dung that their third eye is brown.

Psssst. Pull your head out of its parking place and you'll see that yours is too. The difference is, with the possible exception of Trent Lott, the people this clown cited don't use that eye to see with.

Or you could be Dubya himself, so utterly empty and blank eyed and falsely pious.

Yeah, unlike Bill Clinton, who was a paragon of virtue.

He is but a lint speck on the coattails of time

And this author is what? Not exactly the Great Pyramid of Cheops when it comes to historical durability, is he?

and you just know that you could poke him with your middle finger and all that would pour out would be sawdust and a bunch of tiny ball bearings.

Which would be twice as much as would fall out of this vacuous windbag.