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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: ArGee

LoL, You’re on form today, ArGee. :)


21 posted on 12/10/2015 1:59:23 PM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: exit82
Very cool!

I remember that Art Brisbane who would later become Editor of the KC Star, then Ombudsman for the NY Times was Arts and Entertainment editor for the Star at the time. He wrote an editorial about Rush's lack of talent and how he would never amount to anything.

22 posted on 12/10/2015 1:59:36 PM PST by Starstruck (I'm usually sarcastic. Deal with it.)
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To: ArGee
Most Excellent.

Cuts in CO2 emissions to curb terrorist attacks.

23 posted on 12/10/2015 2:00:25 PM PST by TexasCajun (#BlackViolenceMatters)
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To: ArGee

I heard they are also doing a ‘foreign student exchange’ with Jews now in an effort to establish peace now that the world has been saved from climate change


24 posted on 12/10/2015 2:15:42 PM PST by Bob434
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To: ArGee

Nice satire. After the Climate Change conference, ISIS is destroying their oil fields and converting to solar power.


25 posted on 12/10/2015 3:12:04 PM PST by drierice
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To: ArGee; sionnsar; abigailsmybaby; A CA Guy; airborne; Aloysius88; Altariel; Americanwolf; Anoreth; ..
This is an UNDEAD THREAD TAKEOVER

Everybody: Panic!
And then enjoy a nice cup of tea and soothing music.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
What's this all about?

Zotland the Craven
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Some guidelines for posting on this thread.
Some highlights of this thread.
Spawn of the Undead Thread:
The December-ish Chronicles (redux)
Ping!

FReepmail Darksheare if you want on or off the ping list.
This is a low volume ping list (every few days).

Read: The October/November Chronicles (redux)


26 posted on 12/11/2015 7:31:32 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare

In before the Teleport! Yippeee!
Morning Darks.


27 posted on 12/11/2015 7:35:03 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

Morning!


28 posted on 12/11/2015 7:37:09 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Darksheare; ArGee

This is pretty funny, but I liked the zookeeper love-triangle assault better.


29 posted on 12/11/2015 7:37:09 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
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To: ArGee

BOL! Did the Obama mosque do a brain transplant on you while your were asleep!


30 posted on 12/11/2015 7:38:51 AM PST by Grampa Dave (Obama has groomed CAIR to be THE voice of Islam in the USA as a dangerous political force in the USA)
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To: Tax-chick

Lack of permission on that one.


31 posted on 12/11/2015 7:39:08 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: ArGee

Here!


32 posted on 12/11/2015 7:39:43 AM PST by null and void (muslims don't kill people, Climate Change kills people!)
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To: Darksheare

You couldn’t even wait until I finished my wash?

I dibs the bathroom. I have to hang my undies out to dry.


33 posted on 12/11/2015 7:41:44 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Darksheare

34 posted on 12/11/2015 7:42:26 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: exit82; holdonnow
Name him, ping him.

Hasn't posted since February of last year.

Well somebody told me you had a boyfriend
Who looked like a girlfriend
That I had in February of last year

35 posted on 12/11/2015 7:42:32 AM PST by null and void (muslims don't kill people, Climate Change kills people!)
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To: Grampa Dave; Darksheare; Monkey Face; Tax-chick

Thanks for dropping by. Unfortunately for you, the Undead Thread has appropriated this one due to lack of interest.

The good news is nobody has died trying to leave (that we know of).

The bad news is there are several people who headed for the basement to try to find the exit and we still don’t know where they are. We THINK they found the interdimensional portal but we can’t be sure.

Anyway, try some of Darksheare’s coffe down in the foyer and let us know if you’d like to stick around.


36 posted on 12/11/2015 7:44:53 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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hmmm, nice place.
But i’d give it five minutes before you go in there....


37 posted on 12/11/2015 7:48:13 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Darksheare
Can I bring my kitty?


38 posted on 12/11/2015 7:49:11 AM PST by PROCON (It's not islamophobia, it's islamonausea)
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To: PROCON; Darksheare; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; ArGee; Slings and Arrows

The first kitty of the new undead thread!

Huzzah! hip hip hurray!


39 posted on 12/11/2015 7:53:07 AM PST by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: ArGee; Darksheare

All the exits are in NJ.

Where else would the dead go?


40 posted on 12/11/2015 7:54:39 AM PST by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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